Husband ignored me the whole time

[Aurora1990]

Hi, I’m not too sure how to put this but I really need your opinion. I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive or husband is in the wrong.

so basically I was at the hospital giving birth to my third child during the pandemic and my husband was allowed to be with me. I was happy bcos every time I’m giving birth I feel like I won’t make it. I think about death a lot. Even in my ordinary days let alone in labour. Anyways my husband was just sitting in the chair in the room doing nothing the whole time I was fighting life to bring our child to life. He never touched me, comfort me, reassured me etc. he was just sitting in the chair God knows what he was doing on his phone. My first child birth was a bit different. He was affectionate and did held my hand and kissed me once. My second not so much but with the last one he was completely away from me. I’m in the uk away from my family. He’s the only family I have. So I was so emotional and couldn’t stop crying after coming home. He kept asking me if everything. Is ok and I was just like “yeh”. It’s been nearly 4 years now and I can’t stop thinking about it. I started to doubt his love for me. I’m thinking maybe he’s not into me anymore? He wants one more child so bad but I just have no energy for it. Please help me. Give me your honest opinion. Thank you.

Does he treat you well day to day? Do his share of housework and childcare? Is he affectionate now? Depending on your answers maybe he does love you but was struggling with you in labour and acted selfishly? No matter his reasons his behaviour was inexcusable imo and I certainly would not be having more children with him. If he's not a good husband in other ways I would consider if you would be happier leaving him

^thank you for your kind reply. I think yes pays all the bills for example I don’t pay anything and do his share of the house. Entertain the kids/take us out to eat or local park etc. he’s amazing at those things. I just can’t comprehend how he acted when I was in labour esp I was always open about my fear about giving birth and how I stay nights up just thinking about it.

That sound like he does the fun part of parenting. What about the rest it's not clear

You say you do his share of housework because he pays the bills. Do you also work? Maybe it's reasonable you doing the cleaning if not working but if you are working too regardless of income if your working hours outside the home are comparable then housework should be comparable.

Once he's home from work what does he do in the evenings? Who baths the kids before bed? Cleans up dinner? Brushing the kids teeth? Does he just do the fun story and kiss goodnight or does he even do that? Taking the family out for fun at the weekend isn't equal share of parenting. If you go out as a family who packs up the bag with spare clothes and sun cream? Who makes the packed lunch?

Is he affectionate? Not just sex but does he give you a hug for comfort? Pay you compliments? Thank you for doing the housework?

What does he say when you ask him why he ignored you during your labour? Is he aware that you feel like this? How does he react when you tell him how you feel?

Have you considered counselling because I don't think it's healthy to be to be still traumatised now about this 4 years later.

I don't know why posters are asking if he does housework or so when it does look like the OP doesn't have a paid job and is supported by her DH who she says is a good provider and partner/dad otherwise. It really bugs me when people tell someone who is a SAHM to multiple young children to leave a relationship over something which could otherwise be sorted by actually communicating; implying that her life as a single mum will somehow be so much easier it won't.

thanks for the replies. I really appreciate.