Fear of giving birth!!

[TryingForBaby2]

Hi all, sorry if this is too much for you to read as it'll be a long one. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant with our second baby after 3.5 years of trying to Conceive. A little boy! We have a little girl who is 5 and was born at 7lb 7oz. During this pregnancy I've had 2 growth scans and both times he's shown as measuring big, at the last scan 2 weeks ago at 35 weeks he was showing as measuring 8lb... I am absolutely terrified to give birth to this baby. I've had 8 miscarriages with 2 resulting in haemorrhaging one of them I lose 2 litres of blood and needed 2 blood transfusions. I'm known for haemorrhaging easy, I went to the hospital 2 days ago to see a consultant who has booked me in for an induction next Thursday!! (May the 9th) to get him out due to the size of him.. I'm 5ft 5 and partner is around 5ft 10. I am absolutely terrified that I'm gunna die whilst giving Birth, it's like a genuine fear. I am so scared that he's that big he's gunna tear me so bad I haemorrhage and bleed to death because they wont be able to control it. Or just haemorrhage all together. It's gotten to the point where I'm having nightmares about haemorrhaging and when I faint in my dream from the blood loss that's when I wake up crying and sweating. It's consuming me, it's like instead of counting down the days until I meet my baby I'm counting down the days until I die. I'm genuinely so scared I'm not gunna make it... I don't really know what I'm asking for and I'm sorry this is such a long post. Just a terrified mum who really could do with someone to talk to 😒

I'm so sorry this is causing you anguish op, but it's understandable given what you've been through.

Could you request a planned section?

I could of had a c section but that scares me even more than pushing him out😭

My wee boy was 9lb 2oz and I was induced also had an epidural as back to back. Was all fine a couple of stitches but was OK. My wee girl was measuring at 5lb she came out 7lb they can get it wrong on scans. You've the added bonus of your body having given birth before too it's like it remembers. My heaviest was my easiest. Have had 4 in total

With my little girl I had 3 failed epidural's so it made my contractions back to back for 18 hours. And she couldn't fit through my pelvis so ended up with forceps 😩

I had a same fear as you to dying while I give birth (not because baby was measuring big, just in general), nightmares, anxiety, couldn't think anything else, so I've opted for planned C-section. Best decision I ever made! Beautiful experience, was so relaxed, quick, no pain, out of the hospital within 24 hours, minimal pain after (keeping up with the medicines). I know not everyone has good experience, just thought I would share mine with you, maybe it helps! 🌼🌼

OP, have you brought this up with your midwife? It sounds like you need to have a proper sit down with them and to go through all your worries and talk about what you can do for each of them. A planned c-section may be a good option for you if you're really scared, especially with your history of blood loss. ❤

You need to discuss this with your midwife and maybe again with the consultant.

A planned c-section may well be a good option for you. It should be an option, but you need to push for it. Both options scare you and that is entirely understandable, but an planned c-section is pretty low risk really and can be a very calm experience by most accounts.

I had two vaginal births of 9 pounders and one emergency c-section for DD3 who was 6.5lbs and 5 weeks early. The c-section was still by far the best experience of them all, and a great relief if I am honest.

I genuinely couldn't think of anything scarier than a c section, and I didn't get the option to push out my first and knowing this is my last baby I really would like to experience it😩 I have spoken to my midwife about how I'm feeling but she just says it's normal and will all go away once baby is born

Hi there I am a labour ward midwife. I also thought I was going to die in labour in my first pregnancy so I empathise. I don't think your community midwife really hears your fears. I suggest your contact the perinatal mental health midwives, there should be a team at your hospital. Unfortunately they tend to work Monday to Friday excluding Bank Holidays. Could you perhaps go to the maternity assessment unit on Tuesday morning, show this thread and ask to be seen by them? The best time to arrive to MAU is 8 am, just after the handover and while other mums are doing the school run. It's more likely you will be seen quickly. If perinatal mental health midwives aren't available then push to speak to the Consultant midwife. A sympathetic doctor sometimes can also make a big difference. I hope it helps and everything will go smoothly on your D-day

Thankyou, I've spoken to quite a few doctors and consultants about my worries but just keep being told that they know about my history and everything will be done to ensure they're ready for me to bleed. Doesn't make me feel any better I'm not gunna lie it's like they're just trying to shut me up

I am sorry to hear people are not really hearing you. It's socially acceptable to say that you are scared of spiders, snakes or mice. But a common response to a woman saying she is scared of dying in childbirth is "What's wrong with you?". Can you try getting hold of perinatal mental health midwives? Even if you have to knock on their door on Tuesday morning. They usually "live" next to the postnatal ward. It's horrible to live with those feelings and it does look you could do with a bit more support

I feel like because I'm due to be induced in 5 days there's not much that can be done about it between now and then. I just keep being told "he's gotta come out somehow" like yeah I know that but it can't be healthy to be this terrified.
It's at the point the day before I go to hospital to be induced I'll be writing letters to my loved ones just incase I do die. I'm so convinced somethings gunna go wrong 😭

I am so sorry to hear that you have had these responses. I hope that you are able to speak to someone on Tuesday at your hospital who can offer some real emergency support and ensure that someone qualified in trauma informed care is with you on Thursday.

There are people who might be able to help, but I don't know if anyone would be able to see you over the weekend.. https://www.birthtraumaassociation.org/counsellors-and-therapists

I am a trauma informed doula and if you want to speak to me, I would be happy to meet with you this weekend over zoom.. I am not a psychologist or medically trained - but I can listen and can suggest some techniques for you and your partner that may be able to help. You can message me if you want to.

I am really sorry you haven't been referred to the perimental mental health team earlier, I think you would have benefited from extra support. The UK is one of the safest places on Earth to give birth and the medical team will be super vigilant knowing your history of haemorrhage. Unfortunately our fears aren't easily assuaged by hard facts. Have you looked into getting some hypnotherapy? You can download a simple hypnobirthing recording and listen to it a few times a day. It might help you to feel calmer before induction and also help with labour progress. I hope it helps

@TryingForBaby2 I would really take growth scans with a pinch of salt you are quite short your husband isn't particularly tall and your first baby was bang average size. There's honestly much more chance of your second one being a similar size ! Xx

I’m another one who’s amazed you haven’t been referred to perinatal mental health team. I also echo others, my second was (unexpectedly) 10lb9. My birth experiences were totally different.

Hi op, just wondering how delivery went and hoping all went well and you are enjoying your new bundle x

Hey hope you're okay! Delivery couldn't have gone better my labour was a lovely experience. Hes now 4 months old x

Thats amazing to hear! Congratulations to you 💙 I read your post and after 2 complicated miscarriages I've developed some real deep routed fears. I'm now 43 still wanting to try one last time but have put it off for 18 months now. Age is not on my side! It's so lovely to hear that despite your previous losses and complications youve now got your baby and it was a lovely experience 💝

Planned sections are generally quite safe.

I am not sure if you had any medication when you misscarriaged but it could have caused problems if you are sensitive.

Considering your history and fear I would arrange scheduled sction. It is very controled and civil, plus you are already in a theatre in case something happens.

And I am saying that as a person who went for tolac after emwrgency section.

Wishing you good luck!