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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Is it normal to feel like this?

7 replies

postitnote8 · 23/04/2024 21:01

Warning- feeling sorry for myself! I'm 41 weeks pregnant with my much-loved and planned second baby. I had a positive birth experience with my first and I feel as ready as I can be- psychologically and practically- to give birth, and I don't think I'm anxious and scared. Although I am excited to meet my baby eventually, I am even keener to hang on to this pregnancy for as long as possible- I'm uncomfortable but it's not killing me, I'm sleeping pretty well and I'm enjoying hanging out in relative peace and quiet with my toddler- cooking, cuddling, pottering, taking him out for lunch etc. Due to a number of shitty, unexpected things happening within our family since I've been on maternity leave for the past 6 weeks (next to no childcare, husband continually poorly, a car accident, and basically doing absolutely EVERYTHING alone and without much help) I am worn down, and stressed out, and only finally in the past few days have things gotten back to normal and I have been afforded a rest. Literally just had a few days to compose myself and get some relief.

When I stop to think that my baby will be here by this time next week, it fills me with dread because I know how absolutely exhausted I'm going to be. I have a lot of misdirected and private anger towards family that haven't been able to help me and I'm bitter that I haven't been able to just rest and look after myself and my baby like I deserve to. Please tell me I'm not alone and there are others that didn't feel 'ready' to bring their baby into the world just yet! The message is always that I should feel that I CANNOT WAIT to meet my baby when the truth is, I can, and I feel very guilty and alone with this feeling.

OP posts:
MayYourToastLandButterSideUp · 24/04/2024 06:37

I totally understand. I still feel cheated that my much anticipated relaxing start to maternity leave didn’t happen too, so I do think it’s normal to feel as you do, especially as you have had to deal with so much. I hope you get to enjoy your last week and your new arrival helps to diminish the anger and bitterness you are now feeling. Flowers

Overthebow · 24/04/2024 06:42

why are you angry at family? Lots of us get no childcare from family at all, it sounds like you’ve had some? Don’t be angry at them it isn’t always possible for family to provide childcare. I got through my second pregnancy and now mat leave by keeping my dd in nursery for her normal days. If your ds isn’t in nursery then definitely look into it, I think a newborn and toddler at home 5 days a week would be very tough and you won’t be able to go to baby groups.

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 24/04/2024 06:44

The thing with feelings is that 'should' doesn't really exist except in your head.

It sounds entirely understandable that you feel the way you do. However the baby is going to come so it would be good to plan how you're going to take care of yourself in the first days and weeks. You know what newborns are like!

It might help to write out all your anger - and anything underneath like fear - now to see if acknowledging it helps it recede. You can just shred anything you write so it is gone, it doesn't matter what you write of no one sees it.

GreatGateauxsby · 24/04/2024 07:54

Haven’t been in this exact situation.
but I remember newborn stage as UTTERLY horrendous and was dreading it with my
second.

It wasn’t as bad as I’d expected as I really prioritised my needs, asked for help, told DH clearly what I needed.

It was v different experience with DS and I have found it more managable than I expected. However… DD is in childcare 4 days per week still.

postitnote8 · 24/04/2024 08:34

Not having much childcare since I started mat leave has been a major factor in the stress and disappointment/anger. DS is usually at the childminder twice a week and with one of his three grandparents once a week, but for different, unavoidable reasons this all fell through at more or less the same time. I was asking for help whilst caring for DS + a sick DH and was crushed being told 'sorry, no'. DS is now back at the childminder and grandparents able to help again. These things happen but as I said in my OP I'm feeling sorry for myself + it's misdirected anger.
I will try and get these annoyances down on paper, and not be put off by asking for help when needed when the baby is here. Thankyou tor the suggestions. But atm I still am not chill and excited and enough for them to arrive 😔

OP posts:
qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 24/04/2024 09:10

Maybe the anger isn't misdirected? You can feel angry whilst also understanding why someone had no option.

There's a difference between feeling angry and being angry - if you allow yourself to feel your anger, and process it, it may work through.

TheBirdintheCave · 24/04/2024 18:49

I'm 37+2 with my second and last and am not ready for this pregnancy to be over yet. For me it's because that spells the end of this phase of my life and it feels really strange since we first started trying in Nov 2018.

Also really not looking forward to the newborn bit 😭

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