HOME BIRTH - advice please....

[looneytune]

To say I'm desperate to be able to have this baby at home would be an understatement . Obviously it doesn't always work out that way but I'm certainly planning to have him at home if possible. I'm not due til June but I'm just starting to think about getting organised.

When would you say I need to make sure I have all my stuff by? I'm being given a birthing pool by a lovely parent of a child I look after and she's storing it until I decide I want it, just don't know how long to leave it? Of course I've yet to buy plastic sheeting, extra towels etc!!

Also.....my ds is 5 (well, 5 tomorrow ) and says he's wants to be at home too if I have the baby here. When I explained pain and noises etc, he said he won't be scared and he'll make me feel better by cuddling me when it hurts I just can't decide whether or not this is ok for him? Would i be scarring him for life??? Tbh, I love the idea of him being around to be part of it but not sure if that makes me weird?

Do you think ds is old enough to cope with seeing mummy like this? He's certainly not squeemish(sp?) He saw his own birth video when he was younger (mum decided to film me last time lol) and was fascinated. He also watched very closely when I had my belly button pierced a year ago - I couldn't watch! What do you think?

nbg had a home birth. I'll email her this thread.

Hello.

I've had two fantasic homebirths and would definitely recommend! But it is good to consider yourself as planning on a homebirth but ready to transfer if appropriate. SO as well as prepping for a hb you'd be wise to make plans in the event of a transfer. If for no other reason tan that way you're likely to retain sense of control even if things aren't going to ideal plan.

I don't think you need to panic just yet about getting things ready. I'll dig out my list I've emailed to friends planning on hb in a bit. Basically, if you've told your mw you are intending on a hb then that's ok for now. But if you want to get organised then there are things you can be getting ready.

Right two mins, I'll find that list.....

looneytune,

there isnt really alot of 'stuff' for you to need. ots of towels, some plastic sheets and normal things you would have like sanitary towels etc.

your MW should drop a pack off to you around 36wks, but some don't bring them until delivery.

one HB i attended the children came down stairs once the baby had been born as they slept through it all. if your ds wants to be there, let him see some birth films (discovery helath etc) before and see how comfortable he feels with it.

Good luck! also, take a look at homebirth.org.uk and aims.org.uk and maybe get a couple of books, sheila kitzingers homebirth book as great.

Cx

I am hoping to have our 3rd hb in 12 days or so, and was considering what to do about dd's. Others advice on here was that one factor to consider is if you will be able to feel really relaxed and able to concentrate and let go, or if you will be concerned about your dc's. For my 2nd hb, it was at night and dd1 slept through it. Am hoping same will happen, but have back up plan for mil to take them if not (my 2 are 5 and 7). I think even if they seem like they would be fine with it, it might be hard for them to understand when they see mummy in real pain in reality, and also not able to give any attention to them. Does that make sense? I know some people have had their dc's present and it has been wonderful too. I think it does depend on age to some extent.
btw - good luck!

Hello again
Found it.
...as promised this is what we used at home births. I think the point is you don't really need much, the things below are mainly fo your own comfort and an attempt to minimise the mess in your home

In Labour box:
Several towels - dark colours, so no shocking CSI scenes! (keep one clean for wrapping baby in and a couple for after your bath, the rest for mopping up during labour)

Cheap pillows - so cheap you don't feel bad about throwing them away after! useful for kneeling on, supporting baby on for feeding etc.

Ground sheet - for floor

Dust sheets - (B&Q) for sofa etc.

Clean sheets - one to throw over sofa and spares for bed. With dd I was labouring in the bedroom and made the bed up with clean sheets, then a shower curtain, then a sheet on top. The hope being that the curtain could be whipped off after and reveal lovely bed... didn't get to find out if it would have worked though!

Juice cartons - with straws so that you can drink in odd positions!

Flannel

Raspberry leaf tea - some people like it and it encourages strong contractions ( could to have a bit daily from now on if you like)

Labour massage oil - contains clary sage and is lovely, you can get it online (try active birth centre) or health food place maybe.

Big fat sanitary towels - lots! and make em thick kind, without plastic backing if you can find them because apparantly that can be uncomfortable because they don't 'breathe'

Big enormous pants - to put those big fat pads in! I wouldn't get disposibles, I'd get cheap and then chuck them if you want to.

TENS machine - really worthwhile, try Lloyds or maybe online?

Micropore tape - in case the stickiness stops working on the TENS

Lansinoh - this is the best nipple cream and worth it. get some.

Glucose tablets - or other easy snacks like raisins

Hair bands - or alice band thing to hold your hair off your face if you're leaning forward.

Clean socks - sometimes your feet can get weirdly cold!?

Drugs (from gp if you want pethadine/equivilant) and paracetamol

Babygro, vest, hat, nappy, cotton wool, plastic bowl.

Really nice biscuits for the midwives, milk and bread in freezer just in case and champagne on ice!

Birth plan and transfer bag (with all usual hospital stuff in) including spare change for car park and phone.

God, sorry just looked and realised that looks like stupidly massive list. It's not really important you know, mainly stuff to keep things clean like sheets and stuff to keep you happy.

I've pretty much just copied and pasted that so apologies for length and for any irrelavance and a disclaimer that the email was to anxious first-time parents so covering all bases.

looneytune, I'd def have your ds there if he wants to be. but only as long as there is someone else there who can take him and look after him if he decides he doesn't want to be there any more
I wish I had kept ds1 at home with us now instead of sending him to my mums.

I guess I had all my stuff ready about 3-4 weeks in advance just in case.

My experience of home birth with DS3 was that I couldn't wait for DS1 and 2 to be out of the house - I needed to know that they were safe and out of the way before I could concentrate on the birth.

With regards to all the kit, I would think that you need it 2 weeks before your due date just in case! I found that the plastic sheeting was easy to get from a hardware store - I got a cheap plastic dustsheet and I borrowed all my mum's old towels (other suggestions were to buy old towels from charity shops).

Good luck with your birth!!

In regards to your ds, my dd slept through (and she was a very light sleeper usually) but I know of people who have included there child.

I think it is fine if you want to, but have a plan b ready.

assume you've found homebirth site

this is interesting on siblings being present

their not there. sorry.

I second getting box together about a month in advance is more than enough, but that if you had nothing prepared you still be okay as long as you had something to keep the baby warm in.

Looneytune, go for it!

I've had 2 absolutly fab homebirths, in a pool both times. as the others say, prepare just incase of a transfer. I had two, one in case of transfer, and one with stuff that would be needed during a hb, ie towels, a dry t-shirt for when I got out of the pool, clothes and a blanket for baby.

whether you decide to let ds stay for the birth make sure you have a few people who could have in at short notice again in case of transfer, and if he does stay, might be an idea having someone in another room or similar who he could go to if everything got too much, and could care for him generally during and immediatly after, cos straight after you and dh are gonna be busy and again he might feel a bit left out.

In my area a hb pack is delivered at 37wks. would advise a test inflation of the pool if it is an inflatable one around then too. my bpiab mini pool took about 20 mins to inflate while in early labour, longer once ds tried to help! and check you have the correct connectors to attach the hose to the taps. Also (experiance talking) have a pack of 2-3 condoms ready in case they don't have a waterproof heartbeat monitor thing. for my first hb they didn't and I had to keep heaving my bump out of the water. not easy or plesant! someone recommended this to me, although for my 2nd hb they then had a waterproof thingy so I haven't tested it.

Finally (apologies if this insults anyones beliefs) Stock up on bread and bacon. the mw team where I am are great believers in a bacon butty after a birth!

Good luck x

Hi Looneytune
Mamag emailed me this thread.

I had my ds2 at home in December and I have a dd who is 4 and my ds1 was 15 months at the time.
I was desperate to have a home birth because I have a phobia of hospitals, so I was majorly desperate to have the baby at home.

Have you got the go ahead off your MW?
Not that it should stop you if they said no but thats a first step

As for things you need, the midwife will provide so much for you so you need to double check that with her.
For example I was told to get waterproof sheets for my bed but my midwife provided those pampers bed time mat things and they were more than enough.
If they dont provide them, a cheap shower curtain or some plastic sheet things from b&q or something will do it.
But the advantage with the pampers things is that everythings absorbed.

The only other bits you need are towels, lots of them and just pack your hospital as normal just in case you have to be transfered but also its really easy then for someone to bring the bag into the room you give birth in and all yours and baby's bits will be there ready.

Also just make sure you have everything you want to hand.

With regards to your ds wanting to be there, thats very much your call as I think it depends on the child.
I didnt think my dd could cope with it as shes a bit of a sensitive soul.
And I definately didnt want my 15 month old there as he is such a mummys boy its untrue

We were lucky as a friend of ours said she would take the children to her house when it happened and let them sleep if needed be.
As it turned out, she called me the day I went into labour saying she wanted to pop for a cuppa.
When she turned up I had a good feeling I was in labour so she didnt bother with the cuppa and threw the kids in the car
I had ds2 an hour after she left.

It was the best thing ever, I loved it.

So all the best to you and I hope you get the birth you want

I watched my sister being born at home when i was 9, a truly amazing experience looking back on it and would definately say you should consider letting your ds be present - at least for some of it. Have someone else there whose only role is to look after your son in case he gets upset or you decide you can't concentrate with him at home. My mum's friend looked after me and got me up to watch the second stage only so i missed the intense contractions - i think i might have been a bit more distressed if i had seen the build up to the pushing stage. I did get a bit frightened about the blood but soon got over it once i could see my mum and sister were both ok. I got the second cuddle with the baby and helped wash her and dress her for the first time which made me feel very included in the whole process.

I read some stuff about siblings being present at home births - all really positive - when I was expecting my second baby.
I was at school when my mum had my brother at home. Dad came to pick me and my sis up, and we got home when he was an hour old. It was so lovely that he was just there and not coming home from hospital - just really natural. I'll never forget sitting next to my mum when she was in the bath just afterwards and poking her weird, deflated belly. I was eight.
You don't have to do much organising in terms of stuff - and your midwife will do a home visit to book you for a home birth and tell you how it works. I wanted to have home births, but couldn't. But I do think you have to psyche yourself up. DS (first) had to be induced, and DD was breech until 37 weeks, so I had mentally prepared myself for a section. By the time she turned, I just plumped for a hospital birth. I didn't mind. But I hope there'll be a third at some point, so maybe I'll my home birth then...!

Thanks for all the messages and sorry I never came back - went to bed and it was ds's birthday yesterday so things been a bit hectic.

MamaG - thanks for emailing her

Slur - don't worry, I'm preparing for the fact I may have to transfer as I know others who've been disappointed as ended up in hospital. I just can't help really hoping I'll be able to have him at home . Yes, MW was told I wanted a HB when I very first saw her at about 8 weeks I know I've got plenty of time, I'm just one of these people who likes to be organised Thanks for the list, that really is very useful and thanks for the links, seen the first one but the 2nd is very interesting

hertsnessex - thanks for the advice. I have told ds that he should watch his birth video again and make sure he still feels comfortable with it. Will also try and get some discovery health things recorded so he can see

jennifersofia - good luck and hope you get this one at home too Ds only turned 5 yesterday but I think he would be able to cope with it very well whereas I know some children would find it very hard. He understands all about how baby got there, how he comes out etc. and was really glued to his own birth video when he saw it AGES ago, he was asking all sorts of questions. I think I'll just give him a refresher and make sure he hasn't become squeemish .

fingerwoman - he does seem to have his heart set on being here but I'll have a plan b in case he changes his mind or I have to go to hospital (as I wouldn't want him at hospital if I have to go as it's so much more medical plus he would get sooo bored without his bedroom full of toys/tv etc ). I have no family nearby which is why I'm trying to plan things. IF baby arrives between a week before my due date and a week after, then my parents should be in the area and my mum is planning on being at the birth. My dad would be around locally should I need ds taking away so it's really down to timing I suppose.

gloriana - thanks As for ds being there, I think if he wasn't like he was in the way he felt about it all, or he was younger, I wouldn't want him there. However, he's been fab and really bonded with his brother already. Kisses and cuddles the bump through the day and every single bedtime, it's so sweet. I just think it would be lovely for him to be here if that's possible. We'll see though

readytoswiggin - I'm going to have a pool too, should all be ok with having a HB Hopefully my mum will be here so can entertain ds as and when needed. Just hope baby comes within a week before and week after the due date! Great idea to have another bag for hospital just in case! Thanks for the other tips and yes, bacon butties I think will be a MUST!! I was soooo hungry after ds was born and had to wait and wait for......cup of tea and toast!!

Nbg - congrats Yes, MW was very happy for me to have a HB when I mentioned it but this was right at the beginning so obviously if anything medical changes, she may change her mind but fingers crossed she won't Pampers bed mats sound a fab idea - I have a pack with only 1 that was ever used and I've just been hanging on to the others so now I know what I can use them for What good timing for your friend coming round then! I think I'll have ds with me but have a plan b if needed.

ScarletPimpernel1976 - what a lovely story! I'm pretty decided now in having him with me but having my mum looking after him if she's around at the time (lives 4 hours away). Failing that, my best mate has offered to be on call although she lives about half hour away and doesn't drive so maybe I should have a plan c

phlossie - that sounds so lovely Yes, agree about having to be prepared for a hospital birth!

hey looneytunes - sorry nothing much more to add great suggestions on here already, I had DD2 at home and it was great, DD1 slept through the whole thing and I was not quiet. Am hoping to have another homebirth this time.

I thought it would be OK to have DSs here when I had BabyDragon. however, when it came to it, I wanted them gone. Once they'd left, BabyDragon was born in 17 minutes so I think I'd been holding off til they were out!

You need to remain flexible

sweetkitty - fingers crossed for you

soupdragon - think if I had 2 I'd feel different but who knows, I could feel the same about ds when it comes to it Hence my plan b/c. How old were your ds's?

They were 5 and 7. It was just so wrong for them to be there (for me. Obviously everyone's different and other MNers have had their children involved), really weird feeling- they had to be gone and they had to go immediately!

ds1 (then 3.4y) slept through the birth of ds2 (not suprisingly as it was the middle of the night and was very very quick). He came in the next morning and there was ds2 .
Personally I wouldn't have wanted him anywhere near me during the birth, and if it had been daytime I would probably have wanted him occupied, maybe in another room, maybe elsewhere.

Thanks. Well if I don't have my mum there as baby comes outside of the 2 weeks they are in the area, I will just have to have a plan b/c in case

looney - I was SO lucky I had no one to look after DD1 and was booked in for an induction on Saturday that I would have had to go through alone as DP had to look after DD1, my very good girl decided to make her appearance at night when DP was here and DD1 asleep. I really hope DD3 follows her lead.

That WAS lucky - fingers crossed you are ok again this time

Hi

I had my third child at home (it was sooo fab, would recommend it to anyone) and I pondered on whether to let my older two watch/be there (they are 10 and 8) but in the end it all happened when they were at school. As it turned out had they been around during my labour I definitely would have packed them off somewhere, as I didn't want anyone to talk to me (other than reassurance from the midwife)and I couldn't have handled being bombarded with questions or needing to reassure/comfort them etc. Everyone is different, but I do think we forget just how demanding labour is and there shouldn't be any other demands on you at all, only you know your children and how they are likely to be.

In terms of what you need to prepare, other than transfer bag I just got out my old towels and sheets (which the midwife took for incineration afterwards) 3 plastic sheets from Tesco, tens machine. In the end I didn't manage to get goodies for the midwives (baby arrived 3 weeks early) but they helped themselves to tea and toast and they were only there for 4 hours anyway.

Very best of luck, I hope you get your homebirth as it is so much nicer!

Only had time to read op, but my dd1 (12) is DESPERATE) to be in the room at the (home) birth. I don't want her there however, as I'd like to be concentrating on giving birth-not on how she's coping! Have compromised, though, she will be cutting the cord whilst dd2 (7) holds the baby. She's very chuffed and appreciates the significance of it. Not thought of a job for dd3 (1) yet!