Nervous about baby number 2 after traumatic time with DD

[Sunshines89]

I'm around 6 weeks pregnant with our second child (very much a suprise pregnancy after 2 years of TTC DD!).

DD is turning two soon. The pregnancy was fairly uneventful asides from a lot of extra fluid and when DD was born, they realised she needed emergency surgery which should've been picked up on scans (her condition was the reason I was carrying so much extra fluid). The following 6 months were very traumatic with various other things happening as a result of DD's surgery, weaning was incredibly scary and we have been having regular conversations about whether we could have another child purely from how difficult a time it was after DD was born.

Fast forward to now and you would never know DD has been through what she has, asides from getting a bit noisy when she eats and we have to make allowances with some food we give her, to make sure she can swallow it safely. She's just the best kid. She's the light of our lives and I could not be prouder of her (even getting emotional as I type!!). We're an incredibly close family unit and I'm so proud of what we've overcome together as a team.

So this second child will be welcomed with open arms but we obviously are harbouring a lot of anxiety about the unknowns - the pregnancy, the labour (DD's labour was fine asides from very long), and whether the baby will actually be okay once it arrives.

I would really welcome any advice on how to manage these worries. We have an early scan booked for next week and I think we'll be looked after by essentially the "high risk" maternity team throughout. There is apparently a less than 1% chance baby no.2 will be born with the same condition as DD, but that doesn't reassure us much as they said in 99% of cases DD's condition doesn't happen. Also, the scans didn't pick up on DD's condition, so I don't think the scans will offer us much reassurance. And then I can't help but think, what if something else happens, or something much worse!!

Part of me is thinking perhaps I should opt for an elective cesarean, to remove the unknowns over when I'll go into labour, and we'd have a whole team around us already if the baby has any complications. But the extended recovery period would mean DD wouldn't get much from me during that time.

What do you all think? Does anyone have similar experiences they could share and how they dealt with it?

It might be worth asking about the perinatal mental health team where you are. I had an extremely traumatic first birth with severe PTSD for me and medical monitoring for two years for DD1. With my second child I had the support of an NHS psychologist who was brilliant and who was part of the perinatal team.

I opted for an elective csection with my second. The surgical medical team were amazing at dealing with my mental health and were so incredibly kind. I wouldn't assume that your recovery will be awful - it really varies. I was up on my feet the same day, discharged the next morning and had a relatively easy time of it but I did take my painkillers religiously so that probably had something to do with it too.

I had what I felt was traumatic birth with 1st. I was induced with my first, which turned into an emergency c section. It was during covid times. So, no husband allowed or other visits. Also, there is a stint of 10 days in hospital due to sepsis and such for both of us.

When I was pregnant with my 2nd, I immediately decided I was going to go for an elective c section. Several reasons - I felt like I had control over the situation and my birthing plan.
Having a toddler at home, choosing this option meant I was only away one night, as she's a complete mummy's girl and less disruption.
Reduced the risk of becoming unwell with sepsis or unborn baby unwell.
Yes, I have had an infection with this c section, but my newborn is well, happy and good, and I can't have asked for more. Plus, no stay in hospital.
Yes, it sucks not being able to pick my 3 year old up. And she's having a tough time. But I wouldn't go back on my choice.

I'm 2 weeks post-op. No pain relief anymore. I think i stopped around 6 days 🤔. Yes, on antibiotics, but I feel generally fine, just numb and a bit fuzzy around my wound, which is normal.

I think as I had mentally prepared myself for the c section, it helped. And recovery has been better than last time. I'm even doing a little light cleaning - cleaning kitchen tops and toilets. No hoovering and such. But I do think it varies from person to person. My first c section I couldn't do anything for weeks - at least 4 weeks I would say. My elective has been different. But again I think it varies.

Thanks for your responses, that's great to know your recoveries weren't as bad as the horror stories I've heard. I think you're right in that there must be something to do with being mentally prepared for a c-section compared to an emergency one.

We're under consultant care now and are having scans every 2 weeks until we hit 12 weeks, then will have them every 3-4 weeks from that point. I've been placed with the midwife who delivered DD which has given me a lot of reassurance as she was fantastic and very invested in us. Strangely, I'd been feeling a lot calmer this time around than I was when pregnant with DD, but had a right wobble last night over going into labour and putting myself at risk when DD still needs me. It's a rollercoaster isn't it!!