LULUMAMMA!!!! are you here?!

[manuka]

Hello! I just wanted to know how much you charge as a doula.
I'm still really 'f**ked up' from birth experience which is nearly 2 years now which I think is a ridiculously long time to still feel damaged.
Anyway dh really wants another and I'm sure that deep down I'd like another. We've discussed adoption etc but I don't think thats an option for us after looking into it and I'd like a surrogate but dh thinks that's too weird!
The thought of birth terrifies me and I keep thinking its ok for dd to be an only because all my friends who are 'onlys' are the most sorted people I know but to keep on thinking about it makes me think that really I must want another.????? I hope you can make sense of what I'm trying to say!!
Anyway, how much would you charge and what exactly would you do as a doula? I would absolutely have to have a c section because the thought of going through a labour that's not 'controlled' is just too much of a fear factor. can one have a doula and have a c section or is doula-ing all about natural birth?

am here !

charge too little as not got my training all signed off

there is no time limit on feeling bad about a birth, think it took me until DD was born to feel ok about DSs birth, almost 6 years later

if the only (only! ha! ) thing holding you back from another child is the fear of another birth, then you need to deal with that fear.
and if you did not have that fear, there would be nothing holding you back,m then you have your answer, IFYSWIM

there are two ways to retain as much control as possible over your birth

homebirth

or

planned c.section

doualing is not all about natural birth, it is about empowering and supporting a woman to make the right choices and decisions for herself before and during her birth.

if you have a planned c.s , or any kind of c.s, your doula might not be able to accompany you, they tend to have a limit of one partner in the opertaing theatre, so you should check that out

but certainly you would benefit from the support during the pregnancy and just after the birth.

also, debriefing your first birth face to face with a doula can be very helpful

did you speak to anyone at the hospital about your first birth

www.douladirectory.co.uk/certified_doulas.html

and www.doula.org.uk

are the two organisations you can find yourself a local doula

No haven't spoken to anyone at hospital because they were a bunch of c**ts! Keep starting my complaint letter but get so overwhelmed I have to stop.

I am in Leeds. Where are you?

merseyside

wish i was closer

if you want some help with your letter, i would be glad to assist

Thanks that's really kind! I always end up swearing in it and threatening them with physical violence!!!! Not the best way to get anywhere really!
I wish you were closer too and I really wish I'd known you while I was pregnant.

www.nurturingbirth.co.uk

I am also a Doula but kent based. I know there is a Scunthorpe lady and some more so check out this site too.

Good luck

Thanks I'll check all those and try and write that letter again!!

Hi dont mean to hijack just wanted to add - have you looked on The Birth Trauma association site?

After my first pg and waited 10 years before getting pregnant again (was sweet-talked! Was adamant never having another)- then had to have therapy from wk12 of my pregnancy as I was so traumatised a) by becoming pg and b)the thought of giving birth.

Having a dedicated midwife helped as she held my hand throughout and delivered ds2, and the treatment I received from a Clinical Psychologist helped loads. Without these two people I reckon I would have become a basket-case, but the positive thing was even though I had quite an emotional preganancy the birth itself was calm peaceful and a million times better than my first experience.

Try and speak to your GP who can refer you to an obstetrics team (perhaps you can go to another hospital? I would'nt go within a million miles of the hospital where I had DS1) to try and speak to someone about what you are going through. I hope things work out for you - best of luck

Thanks Blocky! Thats really good about your 2nd birth experience!

I would have another tomorrow if time was on my side. I never thought I would say that!