Really hate being in labour... near phobic. Anyone else?

[beakysmum]

Have been reading the current thread by Bearmama, asking how others cope with labour pain. Everyone is so positive! I didn't want to post there or scare anyone, but I totally don't feel like that.

I couldn't disagree more with people who say breast feeding hurts more than contractions(and I've fed through Thrush), crowning hurts more and even some period pain hurts more than being in labour!!!!

My first birth was horrible, took 45 hours, loads of intervention, haemorraged and my notes admit I was "neglected in labour".
Hospital were aware of my fears about the second labour and yes, it was betterish.....if you count baby turning back to back midway, head going over my piles (excrutiating) and epidural only working after being re-sited hour and half later.

I am just filled with fear at the thought of doing it all again.

Help!!!!

neglected in labour is a bad thing to see in your notes

i would recommend a doula to support you before, during and after labour

things feel worse and are worse if you feel scared, tense and unsupported

we all have such individual experiences of birth...when you have had difficult and/or traumatic birth experiences, it is really important to debrief before going into another birth or you are taking the fear with you each time

the birth trauma association and birth crisis are two very helpful organisaitons for this

also, having a homebirth can actually be a really positive thing do to after hospital births that have been difficult

being at home, in your own environment, moving, shouting, eating, drinking, weeing, lying down, getting in the bath etc.. as and when you want to, having as many birth partners as you need with you can be a much better experience for you.

Thanks.
Should have said, did have doula for second birth and would DEFINITELY have her again for any others.

Its just that I had hope for the second birth and thought that maybe no.1 had been a one off bad experience. But no.2, I was doing fine, with doula, and then she said she suddenly felt me stiffen as she massaged and within a minute I was screaming for the epi. We think baby turned and/ or went over piles at that point and it was agony from then on for next couple of hours.

So now I have just resigned myself that I have have particularly bad labours, or am particularly useless at them.

Have considered home birth, BUT

• we live 30+ mins from hospital if anything went wrong
• My Mum had one home birth and that was her one that went wrong and included GP pushing past my Dad and running up the stairs two at a time.
• Was advised against home birth after first birth due to haemorraging, but didn't lose any blood in second birth, so maybe this could be reconsidered.

Have just seen you're a trainee doula!!! YOu're doing a wonderful thing .

Any books you would recommend me?

Have been on the websites you suggested. At first found it good to know that I'm not alone, but now it just makes me even more fearful of just how much birth trauma does happen.

I'm sure you understand just how brave it was of me to go for another VB.

i absilutely understand that it was brave to go for another VB

it does sound like it was awful bad luck that baby turned

www.spinningbabies.comhas good tips for turning a baby in labour if they are not in a good position

i would have a really good long think about things, and work out where you would be happiest giving birth, not referencing what went wrong for others, and to really ask yourself what you want from this birth... whether it be elective c.s or home birth, or whatever!

and then aiming for that goal

i always, always , always recommend Ina May Gaskin and Sheila Kitzinger to read.. once you get past the hippy stuff, they are open, honest accounts of birth. yes, it is painful, but it is powerful, and magical, and can be exhilerating.

you need to process what happened previously, and to go into this birth with a positive goal. even if you dont; get exactly what you want , you won;t have the niggling 'what if' feelings

a lot of birth trauma seems to happen when:

women do not feel supported, they feel alone and scared and that makes them tense and makes labour more painful and longer.

they fix on the birth having to be a certian way, and do not consider what will happen if the plan deviates

they have a birth in an environment they do not want to be in

and they are not listened to and heard after the birth and think they are not entitled or allowed to feel bad

if you go into this birth, with your birth preferences, your doula and a strong mindset, and the knowledge you have come through two less than ideal births, you should have a more positive experience

i am

planning elective induction with epidural

Could a Midwife led unit be a bit of a compromise? They are less "medical" in their appearance and Natural Birth is their aim (although some pain relief is available). At ours the main Delivery unit is next door so if anything happened you are as close to emergency intervention as you would be on the "normal" ward.

Try and remember every birth is different, from baby to baby and woman to woman.

A good friend did hypnobirthing and found it a great help, perhaps you could look into that as it is all about realxation techniques.

Good Luck!

Can I just say that there is no such thing as being "phobic" about labour. A phobia is an irrational fear. There's nothing irrational about being terrified of labour. I'm with you on this Beakysmum.

Thanks Twinkle, Paula and Megan.... so good to know I'm not alone. And you're so right about it not being an irrational fear, I hadn't thought of it that way before.

Very interested to hear about the elective induction with planned epidural. Tell me more, Paula???
I had thought of that, but didn't think it would be "allowed". Maybe it varies from area to area.

Camilla, I'm sure my birth trauma is from feeling alone and scared for so many hours the first time. That's why I had the doula second, to make sure I was never alone.The trauma wasn't because I had a very set plan or was in hospital and didn't want to be.

I think my biggest fear now is that although I know in my head every birth is different, I just can't believe that it would be any different for me third time. Last time seemed to be with lots of support from the hospital and I feel I can't go back to them and say, "actually it wasn't good enough". It was still awful for a couple of hours, til epi was re-sited.

beakys - i have not broached i yet with my midwife

i am hoping if i make my mental state clear that they will be open minded but who knows

i might threaten elective section - now that would cost them!

You could be describing me.

My fear of giving birth again dominated much of my 2nd pg and was pushed between consultant who advised one thing (an elective) and mw who advised another natural vb with pain relief if needed - ho ho.

In the 2 weeks before giving birth I went for my elective pre-op having felt forced into this option as the 'alternative' wasn't one as far as I was concerned, met my 1st mw who apologised for the bl00dy awful time I had the first time round and offered me a guranteed epidural with the vb.

I was induced, had an epi topped up by the anesthetist and 5 hours later dd born. I can almost say it was a pleasure.

Have you discussed your very real fears with your mw?

hypnobirthing

agree with callmeovercautious. Go for a midwife-led unit. All the advantages of feeling the security of midwives, but none of the disadvantages of a big hospital. You WON'T be neglected in labour. My midwife was fantastic - I can't praise her highly enough. The aim is to enable you to have a straightforward birth with as little intervention as possible - they will probably encourage water birth, massage etc. Some pain relief options are available - mine had g and a, but it won't feel like an overly medical atmosphere.

Heated, how soon before/ after being induced did you get your epi?

Paula, good luck when you approach your mw

I did discuss my fears with mw before second birth and as I say, they were pretty supportive. What freaks me is that when labour came I still had a half hour wait for the anaestetist to reach me, from point when I started screaming for him, and then the first epi he did didn't work and needed to be resited after an hour. I know epi doesn't always work straightaway and he did apologise and I did have G and A, but if that's the best that can be done for me...... still terrifying.

Am still not sure about mw led unit as I have needed significant pain relief in both labours so far. As I said, I seem to do all right for a couple of hours and then baby goes back to back or whatever and it is WAAAAY beyond what I can manage. Although everyone on Bearmamas thread seems to be remarkable positive about it .

Its not the overly medical atmosphere that bothers me, its the being left without adequate pain relief.

Hi Beakysmum

I had my epidural the moment I felt the contractions start to hurt, about 15mins after having my waters broken as I was induced.

I could have lasted a bit longer tbh but I knew it would take a while to get the epidural sorted (actually anaesthetist there in 3 minutes, but took about 20 to get it in as I didn't realise just how far I needed to lean over, but given gas'n air during that time to see through the contractions).

I was told when they offered me a guaranteed epidural, assuming I would go into labour naturally, that the longest I would have to wait, even at night, would be 45mins. It just shows how anti-surgery the mws are to guarantee me this! We'd also agreed that once I was in established labour I would go into hospital, since I dilated in less than 2 hours last time & would likely be just as quick 2nd time.

As you know you can top up the epi yourself during labour but it's a weaker solution that the initial stuff they put in, but I had the stronger stuff topped up by the anesthetist so I had no pain & he was really skilled. After having dd I was able to walk to the bath and although a bit achy afterwards, no problems at all.

yes - for me it i just fear of pain as simple as that
i would love the thought that if i really want - i can have an epidural but imo it does not work that way

last time i lay flat in bed all around due date rigid with fear

Theres great advice on here beakysmum.

Have you also considered Hypnobirthing?
I really think that you could benefit from it.