Should I visit if not invited yet

[Bodacia]

My daughter has just had her first baby and is still in hospital after a lengthy birth. She has said not to visit until she is home, which may be a few more days (4 days now). I think she is controlled by her partner, who often invents reasons why we should not call in, such as he is tired or not well . They live a short distance away. I feel maybe that I should go anyway? Opinions please?

If you suspect she is in a not so great relationship then go see your dd. She is at her most vulnerable... And despite mn opinions some new dm's like to show off their dc! Possibly he has her phone on the pretext of 'looking after it '.

You need to ask her and then respect her wishes.

I don't have an easy relationship with my own mum for many reasons. Some of the responses of this thread highlight the reason why I was ashamed of this when I was a young adult and would lie about my relationship with her as many people just cannot (or refuse) to understand that not everyone's relationship with their parents is not always good.

And if the issue is her partner then the early days of parenthood is not the time to rock the boat with that, especially while she's in hospital. Wait for things to get settled.

Shes said no, respect her wishes

I'm sorry I'd definitely go. Are you close to your daughter? All l wanted was my Mum.. all my daughters wanted was me...
Well in fact l was there at the birth with their partners.
You don't have to stay long.

And what if dd is sat waiting whilst he has the phone telling her dm isn't visiting? ... Better see dd face to face op. She is your dd not the bloody ndn.

I think you need to respect her wishes. Not everyone wants or needs their Mum to be barging in. If you think she's being controlled discuss that with her at a later date.

She's explicitly asked her not to though...

I personally don't think you should just go as either she doesn't want you to or her partner has convinced her to put you on off.

If it's the latter you may make things much worse for her if you just turn up.

I would contact her and say you are happy to come as soon as she wants you. Then wait for her to let you know when to come.

If her partner is controlling her you will have opportunities to speak to her alone and at length whilst she is on maternity leave where you will be able to support her.

Id think about doing everything to keep her partner on side at the moment so that you have lots of access to your daughter and can be there to help her
.

Or, given that we internet strangers only have the OP's word to go on, maybe she feels suffocated or for some other reason wants to keep a distance and uses her partner as an excuse to limit visits as it's easier than saying 'I don't want you to come'.

We have literally no idea, but hours after the Daughter has had a difficult birth is really not the time to test it by trampling all over boundaries that have been asked for.

Not everyone has the same relationship with their parents though. You must realise this?

I say respect her wishes however I had to stay in a week longer than expected and my mum was invaluable to me and DP! Bringing me what I needed, giving DP a break, a different face to see and chat too!
She used to come in the evening and let DP go home. Maybe one more text suggesting if she needs anything brought to her (rubbish magazines, clean PJ's, baby bits, snacks) and if DP needs break to go home rest/shower.
If it's a no then leave it

No. If she wants you she'll tell you. Her baby not yours

We had close family members who didn't respect our requests in relation to visiting when I'd had a difficult experience with baby number one and it still negatively affects my relationship with them 5 years on unfortunately.

She has told you what she is and isn't happy with, you need to respect it. If you think something else is going on you going to hospital isn't going to help anything nor is she less safe there than she would be at home, what do you think rocking up there is going to do if she IS in difficulty in her relationship?

You need to wait until you're invited and then suss things out from there. The fact that you want to go to the hospital even though she is clearly at her safest there if anything is actually going on, suggests it's more likely to be a boundary problem to me.

In which case your daughters partner may step in, and then you'd call him controlling.