How much of the birth experience is down to luck?

[Mamaof1DD]

I felt I prepared really well for the birth of DD, I was always my bouncing on my ball, practised breathing techniques etc…PROM, EMCS, severe PPH and sepsis.

The thread about high c section rates got me thinking: how much of birth is just sheer luck? Was I exceptionally unlucky? Are some women luckier than others? Can it be controlled?

I know there’s no real answer, just interested in what people think!

There are probably a few things that can tip the balance such as mother physically fit, genetic body shape, good care in the maternity ward etc. But ultimately it's down to luck on the day.

I'd also put in there something about attitude and I think you can coach or work on this. For me it was about physical endurance, whilst in labour I knew I could push on despite being knackered (it was frightening and such sheer hard work) because I'd done whilst hiking. It was something I'd experienced before. I wouldn't have known that at 20 like I knew that at 30 (but others might). For my sister it was knowing when to call it and consent to a c-section despite being very well prepared for a vaginal birth. Both of us had the experience to make an assessment of our physical capacity and situation and each chose a different path (we both made the best choice for our situations).

Having supportive partners and good medical care will help but ultimately it's luck. I think less judgement over what happens is also helpful. I laugh about how I thought I could bring on my labour through sheer force of will. Yeah, didn't happen. If I have another kid and I went overdue again, I'd prob have a c-section so I could avoid the waiting and stressing out.

For childbirth, if you have no other factors included in the decision, I'd aim for the order of preference to be: vaginal (no intervention other than pain relief), planned c-section (only because recovery is harder), vaginal with intervention (induction, forceps) and emergency c-section.

I'd also say the same about breast feeding. It's about 90% down to the baby whether it's a success or not so a case of luck or what you get on the day.

Mine was a great feeder but that is down to him. It wasn't a reflection on my mothering skills and instinct, he was programmed that way!

What happens medically is chance, but how you view the experience is up to you.

DC3 was born prematurely and in the operating theatre. The nurses all repeatedly commented on how calm I was through the whole thing and how well DH and I coped with quite a scary experience. We had watched a LOT of OBEM and had 2 births behind us so went into it with a lot of knowledge of what could happen and how quickly things could change. My view was always that we'd use any medical intervention that was required that allowed us to have a healthy baby (and I notice nobody here has mentioned having a child with permanent birth injuries).

I think some people put pressure on themselves to have a 'natural' birth (you can see it in the way some PPs have described their prebirth preparations) and then they feel like a failure if they need medical intervention.

”The Business of Being Born”, though American, shoes how the cascade of interventions in a hospital or birth centre typically ends in a c section. I’ve only had home births and one without any midwives, so no having to fit into time schedules, “failure to progress” so often is just the body taking longer than the medical model likes. Of course there are instances where medical intervention is necessary but generally speaking if you go to a hospital or birth centre you’re putting yourself somewhere unfamiliar (which interferes witg oxytocin) And more likely to having interventions. Induction - forcing the body to start a process it wasn’t ready for, often leads to other issues, more painful intense contractions which in turn causes baby distress which leads to c section. Our bodies are designed to give birth so I don’t believe it’s down to luck - genetics certainly play a part though.

“Overdue” the definition of overdue varies by country, that should be enough to convince any woman that you’re not overdue, baby will come when it’s ready! Coercing women into accepting an induction because you don’t fit into a time frame created by a man shouldn’t be allowed imo.

A lot is down to luck & genetics.

I had a good diet, was not over-weight, was fit & healthy, had no pregnancy-related issues, wasn't overdue. I'd prepared well mentally, wasn't panicked in any way.

But DS was a 50 percentile baby with a 97 percentile head, and I have narrow hips. After a long slow labour he got stuck in the birth canal and the delivery team lost his heartbeat. They had to get him out in a hurry.

Nothing I could have done differently. They were present, attentive, experienced and care was good, but childbirth is often not easy.

I have a few friends who are sure it’s down to their skill - resilience, pregnancy yoga, hypnobirthing, staying active. They are all the ones who had good births and think it’s down to them being ace earth mothers.

Funny all my other mates who had bad births and injuries and trauma and emergency surgery had done all the exact same things 🤔

so on balance i’d say it’s luck!!!

Just remember if you do need interventions on the day - before modern medicine one in 4 births ended with death of either mother or baby. Those aren’t great odds. There’s a reason we have foreceps and c sections and all those other scary things x

Almost entirely luck. I had a 3 hr labour with 15mins of pushing, water broke just before he came out.

Cannot tell you many times midwives & doctors (even weeks post partum) said "You were one of the lucky ones".

I really was, and it had NOTHING to do with anything I did or didn't do to prepare.

Of course it's down to luck. I didn't read anything about birth and my 'Birth Plan' was,

'Just get the baby out and we're both still alive'

One doesn't know before birth how it will go. It's bonkers to think that birth will be a beautiful experience.

It may be. But FFS it may not be.

There's no failure if it's a bit ouchy. Or horribly traumatic.

As long as you're here to tell the tale. You won.

Not luck but preperation is key.

I wrote down a birthplan and made sure my DH understood what I wanted. I’d taken extra testing before I got pregnant so I knew I was at risk for preclampia and pph - it was all clearly written down. I met with the anethesist prior to my epidural and ordered it in advance. I knew I had conditions that might get problematic so I fought for a consultant & then fight for an induction on the due date

In the end I had to fight for everything and it did ruin my pregnancy a bit - but my efforts did save my and my DS’ life.

Lol, you didn't 'manifest your birth'.

You did not.

That's such a shitty thing to say.

Both of my births were 'textbook', my second birth was at home, no stress, very gentle, I stood up, held my husband's hands, roared, crouched caught my daughter as she came out as the midwives stood about 10 feet away and weren't expecting it.

Apparently I crouched and grabbed my daughter and put her straight on my breast.

That wasn't because I'm brilliant at giving birth and I read all the books.

It was just because I was very lucky that I had straightforward births. No props to me.

Really.

@Agustus this.

@peachybee you no more manifested your perfect birth than i manifested my shitty one which landed me in intensive care.

And trust me, I am the manifesty-est person you will ever meet. If it were possible to manifest these things, they would have been manifested by me, moi, yours truly.

And I wouldn’t have bragged about it on the internet.

100% Luck, pure luck.
Possibly an element of your size, DH size, and the resulting babies size. But ultimately pure luck.

There is definitely a thing amongst some women to believe in natural birth. I came across a woman on another forum who was traumatised by an emergency cesarean with her first birth. She was advised to have an elective section with her second, she refused wanted a natural birth, baby paid the ultimate price. It wasn't until the second birth did she understand exactly why hospital wanted the first baby out ASAP. I don't think she really knew how close she'd been to loosing the first.

There is also a thing where hospitals should step in sooner. I know someone, a tiny woman who's big baby got stuck. Hospital left it too late to intervein the baby was left permanently disabled.

But! After my two textbook births I had an incomplete miscarriage that nearly killed me. I was bleeding out for hours, blue-lighted to hospital, and had a manual evaquation once in A&E by the on call genea and then up on a ward thankfully by an experienced Obs and Gynea surgeon who happened to be about.

So don't be smug, your body can turn on you!

That’s horrendous, I’m so sorry.

I agree mostly luck but no harm in preparation. I'm considering overweight/10 stone, had a smooth pregnancy although unclear whether I had gestational diabetes (1 test said yes, all other blood glucose pricks said no but had to keep testing). Did lots of walking as walked 2 miles to work and sometimes back each day alongside dog walking at home, and swimming where I could. Baby average size, good position. Did a hypobirthing course kindly given by a friend and read books, wrote a birth plan, hoping for a midwife led unit water birth. Waters broke at 39 weeks but no contractions, group B strep positive in the past so drip induction on labour ward, very painful and initially slow progression but then sped up once accepted epidural in 3 hours went from 4-10cm and started pushing when no midwife in the room I was mostly on my back going to move when midwife came in and told me not to as baby's head was there, very quick pushing stage where I ignored what I'd read about letting your body push and breathing through it, well my body was telling me to push as hard as I could. But no tears just internal grazes which did need stitches due to excessive bleeding but ultimately very quick recovery with no real pain so I count myself very lucky in the end
Friend had similar waters breaking no contractions, drip induction with epidural after a while and forceps and episiotomy, very difficult recovery

@Thankyouthankyoujellybean I’m okay, I think. Seeing a specialist birth trauma therapist as I’ve been struggling with feeling like I failed, but I’m doing much better than I was! Thank you for asking x

That sounds pretty positive. I don't know if this is helpful, but when I 'failed' to give birth and needed a lot of help, I kept thinking about what condition I'd have been in if it had been 50 years earlier. I'm fairly sure I'd have been dead and DS1 absolutely would have been. So, er, there's that 🤔

Also, I'm consistently terrible at giving birth, but I'm a great mum. That's much more important to me xxx

All of it l would say

This, although I have heard an old wives tale that women with big feet birth easier

Quite a lot. Obviously, being fit, young etc helps, but frankly it is a lot to do with luck.

I was induced at 42 weeks with my daughter. People in this thread have criticised the push to induction and I have wondered myself whether I am "at fault" for making a decision incompatible with a natural birth, but actually the stillbirth rate due to placental failure increases after 41 weeks, hence the push to induce. Statistically at least, it seems that some women who decide to hang on might be running a risk - I suspect that I was, as my daughter was very much the wrinkly waxy baby that is a bit "overcooked".

I had a 9lb 7, back to back baby who was 2 weeks overdue and I suspect that she was just wedged in as despite induction I never had any downward pressure. I did a lot of walking, bouncing, hands and knees work and I had an EMCS due to failure to progress - I was wheeled into theatre and the consultant said there was absolutely no chance that baby would move down, even with forceps, so I think unless my baby had turned in the weeks prior to birth I didn't stand a great chance.

For a while, I wondered (NCT classes were not helpful for making me fear interventions), but now I think that I am very lucky - my placenta didn't degrade and my big mispositioned baby was unharmed by birth. Winning.

You have no control, and that's why we should all laugh out loud when the midwives ask for birth plans. The only plan should be healthy mother and baby

Complete luck.

Easy pregnancy, would have delivered normally, then at 34 weeks, she went breech and I lost lots of fluid. She arrived at 36 weeks via section.

Second pregnancy, easy and perfect, thought I may as well have a c section again. Afterward, I had sepsis and almost died from retained placenta, 3 weeks later.

@Mamaof1DD
You brought a live healthy child into this world. Then that alone means you successfully gave birth.

In what planet can you call that a failure???

Failure is being let down by a hospital resulting in a severely disabled child who needs 24hr care for the rest of their life. Or refusing help resulting in a dead child.

You have a healthy live baby 👶. SUCCESS Thats the important bit.

BTW I don't envy any woman who has a section wound and a newborn to deal with. How anyone can call that easy is beyond me.