Giving birth while older child is ill in hospital

[Loganberry14]

Feeling quite alone and wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this and come out the other side. My older child is due to have a fairly major op in the next 2 weeks which will involve a 5 day stay in hospital. It all became urgent quite quickly so is very bad timing but I'm also due to give birth in the next two weeks. Feeling pretty overwhelmed by how I will cope with a) being away from DC1 when they really need mummy and b) focusing on birth or newborn/bfing while DC1 is in hospital. Can't find any threads to suggest anyone has gone through this - someone must have had this unlucky coincidence before?!

Same hospital?

No sadly not, she'll be at GOSH while I'm at another London hospital

Not quite the same but i had very prematire twins by emergency c section and then my two year was admitted with a kidney infection. I spent my time as best I could between the two wards ( childrens Ward and Nicu) and sleeping on a camp bed in the kids Ward. It was challenging but what's the alternative?
Best of luck to you

I have no experience in this but I just wanted to send you on support and love. I'm 3 months pregnant now and have a 6 month old so I can't even imagine the stress you are under with all of this going on. I hope you have help around you to get through this x

Wow that sounds like a really bad situation and really hard.
How old is the one in the hospital?

I have no personal experience but sending hugs and thoughts your way. Do you have a partner for support and family? Do you have someone to support you for the birth, and also someone to be with your DC1? ❤

Can you frame it less like "the baby needs me as well" and more like "you need to go to hospital to get help, and so do I, and while we will miss each other, we will be thinking of each other and going through something similar at the same time"? Like make it more about the comraderie and that you are both completely out of luck to miss each other when you love each other so much, and less about a baby that you might be abandoning the older child "for"?

If you have a partner that's the dad of your oldest, I would also find yourself a different birth support person (mum, friend, paid doula, maybe a volunteer who wants to help given these uniquely shitty circumstances) so that your kid can have their father. If not for the actual birth, then at least for the days around it. So you are in safe hands and your oldest has their father there for them?

Good luck for all of it <3

Thanks, it's so lovely to hear words of support. Yes, my DH is brilliant and will be with DC1 if it all completely overlaps, and we will also have my mum on hand for the birth and/or to stay with DC1 plus other family ready to chip in with visits and help in the recovery weeks. So we've got lots of support. Just doesn't quite take away the guilt of not being there for my first baby especially with all the pain and upset she's gone through leading up to needing the op. But as a pp rightly says there is no alternative - you just have to truck on as a mum don't you. Hopefully it'll all feel like a distant memory very soon.

I'm sorry, this sounds really tough. I've not been in a similar position but got through a very traumatic birth where I was unable to see my baby who was in intensive care for over a week after she was born. You'll be surprised how strong you are and how you can get through anything when you've got no option. It sounds like DC1 will be have people who love her to support her throughout and it won't be a long time in the grand scheme of things before you're back together.