How do I come to terms with my traumatic birth?

[toffeeapplee]

I had a really traumatic birth with my DC three years ago, I was resolute that I wanted an intervention free vaginal birth, but then went 2 weeks past my due date and felt like I was under immense pressure to be induced. In the end I reluctantly agreed, but the whole thing turned into an unpleasant cascade of interventions where I basically felt completely out of control, unheard and unimportant. Ended in emergency forceps due to baby being in distress. Immediately after the birth I was relieved and slightly euphoric (I think it was the hormones and that we were both 'ok'), but looking back the whole thing was hugely traumatic and has left me with ongoing and very upsetting pelvic floor issues. I regret the whole thing so much and just wish I had been more informed beforehand, with hindsight I would have chosen an elective section. I don't know how to come to terms with this and I'm very unlikely to have another child now.

Yesss hypnobirthing sets us up to feel like failures. We are very much not failures. I genuinely mean it, if you want to talk it through I'm always happy to

I had my first baby at 35 weeks and we had only done 2 out of the 5 NCT sessions. Our teacher didn’t seem that thrilled when I wanted to come back for the fifth session, and gave me a strict talking to about “reporting back from the other side”. I had had a pretty straightforward vaginal delivery but with a tear/stitches etc. I complied by not going into too much graphic detail but did say that my main feedback was not to take your birth plan too seriously as anything could happen. The NCT teacher wasn’t best pleased…

I remember reading a hypnobirthing book when pregnant with my first. I read about 3 pages of the prologue before I got to "now, I knew early on in my pregnancy that an elective c section for my birth was right for me and my husband at the time.........."

It went straight in the bin. What a load of old cobblers.

I had a traumatic first birth too ❤️

It's normal to have certain expectations and hopes about how birth will go, and when that doesn't happen, especially when that is paired with a lasting impact on physical and mental health, it can be very difficult to come to terms with.

Many people I know don't really understand why I still haven't 'got over it' by now, so I know it can be hard to let those feelings out. Have you spoken to a counsellor about your feelings? It could be possible you have PTSD or birth trauma.

A book I've found to be really helpful is More Than A Healthy Baby by Dr Erin Rowe.

There's also Healing Your Birth Story by Maureen Campion.

As for your pelvic floor issues, there are people/things that can help with that. Start by getting an appointment with a pelvic floor therapist, or even just your local GP who can refer you. They can tell you what your options are.

Have you been checked internally for injuries since the birth? Did your medical team say your stitches have healed ok etc?

I understand you may have had an episiotomy due to the use of forceps - if any scar tissue from that is causing you trouble then you might be suitable for a Fenton's procedure, where they remove scar tissue (they give you local anaesthetic). You can also try applying vitamin E oil on the scar (internally and externally is fine).

Wishing you the best ❤️

I too wanted a natural birth. But complications came up. I had everything I didn't want. Amniocentesis , Epidual, Catheter Put Under and EMCS. Met my baby the next day. Childbirth is something that equalizers all women and truly we have no control.

This wasn’t what I got from her post. I do think it’s a valid part of the conversation to mention that medical interventions often cause further interventions. I had two highly medicalised births that I was coerced into. Regardless of whether interventions are required, often what exacerbates trauma for women is the lack of consent and involvement in the process that they have.

I had a traumatic birth and had a counselling / regression session on the NHS. It was only one but it was midwife led in which we talked through what happened during the birth, she explained why but in no way defended the midwives / doctors who led my birth and agreed at times that things should not have happened.

She then did mediation to help me store my thoughts in a different part of my brain, not that I would forget but it wouldn't be as forefront as they were.

Since that day I never again have had a nightmare about giving birth (previously they were frequent) and when I think back to the birth story I have to think really hard to remember all the smaller details.

This all happened in a 2 hour session & was NHS. Sorry I can't remember the exact name but there is help out there

Thanks to the NCT I was a moron and refused an induction initially to avoid ‘over medicalising’, although dd had stopped moving … luckily I rang a friend who put me straight .

It would be much better if everyone understood it is a medical procedure and then people wouldn’t take risks or feel disappointed or in some way a failure when they need a lot of help.

There was no way my dd could have been born naturally. I shudder when I think of the consequences had a chosen a home birth.

I’m sorry you had a hard time op. You are probably suffering from ptsd. Do ask for a debrief with the hospital if you can. It could help you see this was absolutely not your fault and not something that could be controlled. The best outcome is coming home with a healthy baby and that can mean for some of us everything else going out the window.
However I couldn’t even step into a hospital without the shakes at one point and was having flashbacks. The thing that made a massive difference was eye movement desensitisation. It completely took away those feelings and allowed me to look at the whole experience objectively. I went on later to have hypnotherapy about not being heard/not having a voice too. Because my birth experience definitely exacerbated/triggered those feelings (which I already had to some extent).
I finally came out the other side a much stronger person.
Also if you’re having issues with your pelvic floor, please get seen. I needed further surgery and also had pelvic physio, which was an experience! Kick up a fuss if you need to.
You can come through it, even to the point of having another baby if you choose to.
Xxx

So sorry you went through this OP. My friend had PTSD from her first birth so chose a ELCS for her second and said it was a very healing experience.

Just to offer a flip side in terms of courses...

We did a hypnobirthing course before our son was born. I'm autistic and found it so useful as the particular course I did went through every aspect of what could happen during birth. It also advised to make a list of 'preferences' (not a plan as you can't plan for birth!) as to what you'd like to happen if you had to go down any of the scenarios (EMCS, induction etc).

As such I felt I went into the birth knowing everything that might happen so nothing that ultimately did happen to me (36 hour labour, episiotomy, 3b tear, repair in surgery) was an unknown.

I think as long as you go into them with open eyes and also read/watch other sources of information (I didn't agree with the notion that birth stories or One Born Every Minute should be avoided) courses like that can be helpful tools.