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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

do you ever feel normal again after child birth

25 replies

roboass · 08/03/2008 19:57

because 8 months in im getting pissed off, had 4th degree tear, how common do you think this is?as i seem to have sen quite a few thread on here about it but yet no noone in rl hows been through this

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avenanap · 08/03/2008 19:59

No. I was sewn up by someone with very little sewing experience so things are rather odd. Mine was a 3rd degree tear, you must have been in so much pain. Your midwife should have looked at the size of your baby and booked you in for a c-section. Are you having any aftercare?

whomovedmychocolate · 08/03/2008 20:11

4th degree tears are thankfully very rare. Are you still in contact with your consultant. Ask for a referral if you aren't. You probably need more surgery (sorry) - I know someone with a 3rd degree tear and she's currently discussing having reconstructive surgery because it's rare for things to just 'settle down' without further help. To be fair to midwives and consultants everywhere, trying to reconstruct just after birth is like trying to put back together a jigsaw with no idea what the original picture was.

Do go back and ask for a referral. These things can be resolved. But it may take a while.

Lulumama · 08/03/2008 20:12

have you been referred for any physio or to see a gynae?

did you have a very fast delivery? have you been debriefed on your birth ?

needmorecoffee · 08/03/2008 20:14

got a 2nd degree tear and am still in agony 4 years on. seen a gyn and waiting for an op but am too petrified.

Original poster

roboass · 08/03/2008 20:42

ive seen a gyne and ive ben told my muscle tone is fine,whatevr thats ment to mean

well when i pass wind it sort of comes up through the fanjo iykwim sorry tmi

i waasnt debriefed it was a 12 hour labour about 20-30mins pushing

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Original poster

roboass · 08/03/2008 20:45

it was a calm birth no pain relief and no instrments or anything

how common do you think this is in say percentage terms

i can't even face going for my smear test

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scottishmum007 · 08/03/2008 20:52

oh god, i had a 3rd degree tear and i thought that was bad!! did you stand in labour? i stood upright to give birth, just wondering if that has an effect??

scottishmum007 · 08/03/2008 20:54

roboass

try and get a referral as a previous poster has suggested already. thankfully things have settled down a bit for me (10 months on...) but the first few months were awkward down there iykwim!
i've rarely met others with anything more than a graze,first or second tear. hardly anyone seems to have a third of fourth tear. nice to know we do exist!!

Original poster

roboass · 08/03/2008 20:55

no, i was on all fours.which is ment to help prevent tearing.

are you ok now sm? do you have this wind going up the fanjo problem?

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Lulumama · 08/03/2008 22:33

have you discussed the wind in the fanjo sensation? does not sound like a bad labour per se, but obviously 4th degree tear is a bad birth injury.

www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk has some people who can help re 4th degree tearing

Original poster

roboass · 08/03/2008 22:43

really how can the bta help someone like me?

i would like a debrief how could i do that? is it too late after 8 months?

windfanjo ive not really discussed as i can't see what they could possibly do to help and the gyne has dischardged me as he said i have good muscle tone.

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talulatreefrog · 08/03/2008 22:47

I had 4th degree tear too and still have probs you mention. (5.5 years on) It has improved a lot. Prior to Ds3 I started running (ONLY with an empty bladder) and that seemed to help with general strength of pelvic muscles.

Its crap basically and v traumatic.

talulatreefrog · 08/03/2008 22:51

Sorry did not mean to be voice of doom - its a lot better than it was and that's without seeing anyone about it. Maybe should see doc.

Lulumama · 08/03/2008 22:58

becasue it helps to talk to women who have experienced it.. 8 months not too late for a debrief,. and if you are not satisifed with what the gynae has said, then you can ask for a second opinion. hope you get sorted

Lionstar · 08/03/2008 23:02

I had 3rd degree, and it hurt like bejesus for the first 2 weeks, then the internal stiches wouldn't dissolve - but miraculously did just before the consultant appointment I fought to get - scheduled after nearly 6 months .

To be fair though I did get a good repair job, though having a spinal block for that after achieving birth after 4 hours of pushing on G & A only was disappointing to say the least. Have recently been back to the docs because I thought I felt a bit 'lumpy' down there, apparently nothing to worry about, just a typical side-effect of the 'rearrangement' as it was so delicately put .

So don't think I've been any help, but it is nice to share with a few people who have been there. Oh and apparently mine was caused by DD doing a superwoman impression whilst emerging, and NOT by the senior midwife who seemed to have her entire hand up my fanjo whilst trying to dislodge the placenta - was the most painful bit of the entire process - I now have nightmares not about a second birth process, but a second placenta delivery (am not pg again yet though)!

Oh, and is anyone else pissed off that if a 3rd or 4th degree gets mentioned it is always assumed a c-section is necessary for any future deliveries?

Original poster

roboass · 08/03/2008 23:09

the thing is i don't want to see another gyne as i cannot bear the thought of being touched down there ever again

talula please do not be afraid to tell me the truth im fed up of people sugar coating things

did you/do you have the wind going up the fanjo
did it happen on your 1st birth or do you know why it happened ?
did you go on to have vaginal births or cs?

lulu id like to talk to women that have gone though this. how do i get a debrief via the bta

also lulu in your opinion what sort of delivery would be best if i ever had mor children [ well if i ever have sex again, of course]

thankyou for your help

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Original poster

roboass · 08/03/2008 23:12

lion, i also have nightmares but i have them about operations not births

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Original poster

roboass · 08/03/2008 23:20

lulu also do you think, maybe bf is interferring in the healing ?

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skyatnight · 08/03/2008 23:43

Roboass. I have the wind going up the fanjo thing. I noticed it fairly soon after the birth. Weird.

I had only a second degree tear, after an induced birth. It all healed ok without too much pain but I am not happy with how I was sewn up. I imagine the midwife was tired or strapped for time so just did the minimum required patch-up. This is probably totally unfair of me to think this and also probably incorrect.

I can't believe I am writing about this but my perineum used to partially cover the entrance to my vagina. Now the perineum is shorter and the entrance is much wider. If that makes sense? I also have a small problem with incontinence but nothing remarkable. Pelvic floor exercises have helped a bit.

I have spoken to my GP about it and she did an examination during a smear test. Nothing much came of it. I think I would have to pursue it much more if I wanted any action taken and I am embarrassed to do this because I am sure there are many people worse off than me. It is a strange topic as it is not often discussed in real life and you get the feeling that it is just one of those things, unrealistic to expect things to be the same as before. But it does affect how I feel about myself, my femininity and sex. No-one I know has ever mentioned to me that they have the same problems.

I'd be interested to hear from more midwives or doctors about their opinion on these matters.

Lulumama · 09/03/2008 09:02

i don;t know about breastfeeding and healing, have heard some conflicting things.... there was some threads about it on here, if you do a search. sorry to not be more help

Original poster

roboass · 09/03/2008 09:10

ok thanks lulu
also lulu in your opinion what sort of delivery would be best if i ever had more children [ well if i ever have sex again, of course]

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talulatreefrog · 09/03/2008 09:42

Hi Roboass,

I to have the wind up the fanjo thing but it has improved.

I had a v bad first deivery, the tear ocurred because ds1 was facing upwards (OP?), and had a large head, he was induced due to pre-eclampsia so wasn't really keen to come out and he finally (after 36 hours of being induced) was pulled out with forceps. It was awful, I had three docs pulling at me with their feet pushing against the bed. Hence when he finally came out I was ripped v badly. Luckily i was sewn up in theatre which must have helped my recovery.

I was traumatised afterwards and its taken ages to get over the emotional aspects as well as the physical stuff.

Had two subsequent elective c-sections to avoid tearing scar tissue which could result in double incontinence. Recovery from both of those was far quicker and easier than from my first delivery.

Lulumama · 09/03/2008 10:22

IMO, the best delivery is the one you feel most comfortable with.... depends on the chances of such a bad tear again, and any ongoing issues ... the choice is yours, i would feel inclined to get the problems you have now sorted,and discuss whether they would recur in a second delivery. and discuss the pros and cons of a c section or vaginal delivery. certainly look into some specialised support though

scottishmum007 · 17/03/2008 20:24

sorry roboass, for taking ages to reply. answering your q, no i don't have the wind problem going up fanjo, but i can say that the first 2/3 weeks were so painful and awkward.and I do have a bit of scar tissue inside that caused awkwardness during intercourse. i told the nurse specialist about it and she said it could be sorted thru surgery but i said i didn't want to go down that route and wanted to give it time to heal and hope it improved which is luckily has.
ds did the superman thing as he was being born too, had his hand coming out first....
i don't do pelvic floor exercise that often altho i really should do it, think we all know we should but never get 'round to it'.
quite apprehensive about having another baby because of the tear despite being more or less back to normal down there, frightened it happens again!!! anyone else like that?

Elkat · 17/03/2008 21:14

Hi! I had a third degree tear. My daughter is 16 months, and things are still not right. I have a periform physio machine which I am supposed to use every night, and it has some limited success...

But I know what you mean... they only seem worried about your pelvic tone, and whilst mine has been 'shot away' (to quote my physio), it is actually all the other stuff that upsets me. I have a fissure (hole) that makes going to the toilet agony, but that requires another operation to deal with that... so I don't push things. You're right that because so few people have third and fourth degree tears, you don't know what service to expect or demand!

Oh and in response to the last post, yes I live in fear of giving birth again - was a big factor in us deciding not to have any more children.

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