Worrying about impact on first child of second labour

[Cegbee]

I'm 36 weeks into second pregnancy, have an almost 4 year old. I was induced at 41+3 for her, it took 36 hours and I was in hospital for almost a week as she needed NICU etc. etc. I'm really hoping to go into spontaneous labour this time and stay at home for as long as possible but I'm worrying about her seeing me in pain and the impact it might have on her. My Mum will be here as we live in another country now but she doesn't know her that well, only see her 1-2x a year if that. Can people tell me how their second labours worked with a child in the house? I'm hoping it all happens overnight when she's asleep but I know that it might not...

I can't share an experience with this yet but also, it's so different for each person. I'd focus on what you can control rather than the unknown elements.

Our DD is 4 and we have shown her pictures of scans (she's come to one), pictures of her after she was born in the hospital, explained that myself and baby might have to stay in hospital for a little bit and why that is. I've also been honest with her in telling her where the baby comes out of, but made it lighthearted, and she knows that mummy might be uncomfortable with it. I practice hypobirthing techniques to try and minimise some of the outward stuff. Can you do any of that? I think there are ways to prepare children for things they might witness without traumatising them.

FWIW 3 of my friends have ended up having home births with their children literally in the room with them whilst waiting for their childcare to turn up so I think it's really worth doing some prep as there's no guarantee that they won't witness any elements of it.

Thanks, yes our Daughter has been to an appointment with me, seen baby on ultrasound, has watch the video of her being born and me announcing her sex, and knows that babies come out of your vagina (or sometimes tummy!). We have also talked about me being in hospital and her coming with Granny to see me and the baby.

I did a hypnobirthing course last time but because I didn't go into spontaneous labour I'm not really sure what spontaneous early labour is like. I'm just worried that the reality of seeing me in pain and not being able to put her to bed/do the usual things will be hard. Maybe she'll just be excited that the baby is coming soon!

I'll do some more prep with her about the fact that before baby comes I will be uncomfortable for a while. I guess I'm just getting anxious about giving birth and worrying about all of the logistics!

Thanks for the ideas.

My then three year old can still describe mummy bouncing on the ball and mummy going into the bath when the baby was coming. As long as you aren't in so much pain you're screaming, by which stage you should probably be going in anyway, in my experience it was absolutely fine. I also wanted to stay at home as long as possible, and was alone with her the whole day, as husband was doing my head in fussing so I told him to go to work.

The early stages the pain isn't that bad, you don't really even need to breathe through the contractions. I had contractions all day with DS3, DS2 was about to turn 3. They only really ramped up once he'd gone to bed for the night, I think that's fairly common. And I went to hospital while I was still at the stage of being able to breathe/rock/hum through them anyway, the bit where I wanted to vocalise came much later, and he was nowhere near me at that point.

I loved JuJu Sundin's Birth Skills if you want another book to read. I found that so helpful and used a lot of the tips from it in early labour.

Is granny coming to your house or is she going to stay at granny's? That will make a difference too, as if she's going to granny's house you can send her off in plenty of time and then stay at home as long as you like.

My little one was 2.5y when contractions started overnight with my second baby. It happened to be a nursery day so I held off going to hospital until DH did the nursery run, I was in agony when they left for nursery! Eldest could hear me but I kept out of the way out of sight in case it upset toddler, it didn't. I just managed to creak my way down the stairs to say goodbye and tell toddler 'baby coming today so mummy is ouchy, that's why I'm shouting because I'm ouchy' or something along those lines. Little one skipped merrily into nursery telling everyone baby is coming! Second labour was so fast. Straight to hospital when DH got back and baby almost born on trolley in hospital lift!!! A very close call! Very straightforward second time round, home in time for supermarket delivery and to do the nursery pick up!!! My first was a 30hr labour 1week in NICU baby too.

Good luck!

I’ve never heard of this being an issue, even having had several home births myself and friends similar. If you’re planning a hospital birth then can imagine you’ll be in hospital well before you get to that stage unless you have a very quick delivery!

Thank you everyone, all very reassuring! @BertieBotts Granny will be at ours as we live in Canada now so my Mum is coming to stay from the UK. I have a real knack for worrying about things I can't control! Luckily my kid is pretty chilled in general so hopefully she'll take this in her stride too. I like the idea of sending DH off to take her out/entertain her too, he was pretty useless in my first labour!

I had my second at home. Was in labour overnight and my first slept through the whole thing. As did my mum who had come to look after my first. Fingers crossed it goes as well for you.

I went overnight and my mum was here. Had been having small contractions (more than BH) all evening though. Some of my Braxton Hicks happened im front of our firstborn, and we just developed HILARIOUS breathing techniques around them. Along the lines of ooof- breathe- Mummy is so strong!
Highly recommend 'I'm a new big sister' (princess Polly) - it's a very gentle explanation of what happens in the house around birth time.