Feeling sorry for self before birth

[Octosaurus]

I am sue to give birth for the first time very soon and I am watching realistic birth videos to be more prepared.

Every time I watch them I get really upset and I feel so overwhelmed and sorry for myself that I have to go through this.

How can I overcome this? I'm petrified.

That should say I am *due

Stop watching them! People who have lovely calm experiences don’t post videos. My first was born two and a half hours after getting to hospital. A lovely calm water birth. Low lights and two quiet supportive midwives.
Ive heard a lot of people recommending hypno birthing. It would be better to focus on that or breathing techniques or thinking of the best positions to be in than watching videos. Good luck!

Don't watch them. You can't tell how a woman is feeling from what she looks like.

To use a terribly crude analogy, it's like a virgin watching people have sex to prepare herself for having sex.

Anyway, I've learnt that all the preparation you can do won't change the outcome (yep, I'm bitter lol). You might be lucky, I sincerely hope you will be, and not need any kind of intervention. Or you might be unlucky and need intervention and it might be distressing, but if so, it won't be your fault and nothing to do with any preparation you did or didn't do.

Best of luck to you, the odds are on your side, most women manage it fine (not me but most!)

I mean I am watching the realistic calm births (not a peep out of them just heavy breathing!) and I'm still feeling very sorry for them and myself

Definitely don’t watch any more videos!

It’s only one day of your life. Even if it is the most difficult day (which it might not be), it’s just one day… you can get through it.

And then the next day you won’t have to do it again and you’ll have a lovely little baby to cuddle.

What are you hoping to get out of watching them?

The best thing you can do now is get as much sleep as you can and batch cook.

It’s one of those things where your mind and body just take over and you get through it - something clicks and you just do. I had a 4 day induction, EMCS and honestly can just remember thinking I just need to keep taking the next step and soon it will be over and I will have my baby!

Honestly you don't really see that end and you will be concentrating too much to even care!

I can't say I "enjoyed" birth or labour but I got through it both times. Remain calm as you can and if possible use water it honestly really helps not only to relax but pain management too.

Main thing is for your birth partner to know your wishes and be your advocate as well. I think it's good to go into with your eyes open and know that things can change so have a chat with what you would accept. So for me I was always clear if not going to plan then emergency c section over forceps and episiotomy and my DH knew this as well as my notes being clear.

I didn't need it used the water for both DS's but it was good we had discussed it.

Have you got a tens machine for at home? That helped too for early stages.

I would really recommend the Bump To Baby Chapter hypnobirthing course. I'm not linked to it in any way, but as a third time mum I was very anxious about giving birth again. It has simple and easy to watch videos that are so helpful. I had the most wonderful and empowering birth with my third, and wish that I could go back in time to my first two births with the knowledge I have now.

Oh and my partner and I only watched them the night before I had my son, I was a quivering wreck that night

Stop watching them and focus on something else. You'll be caught up in the moment and it'll be a very different experience

Thanks so much everyone these comments have really helped me chill out a bit.

Don't watch them!

There's a wonderful program on BBC called the Yorkshire Midwives on Call, if you want to watch anything - watch that.

Birth can be amazing and powerful! You feel like a superhero afterwards.

So incredible that you get to deliver a brand new human to the world. There's nothing else like it.

Sure, it can hurt, but it's mostly a feeling of intensity. You can cope.

If you can relax and trust your body that's your best bet. Good luck!

Don't watch them. You can't tell how a woman is feeling from what she looks like

This is so true @Mummy08m

I am the loudest mooing, screaming labourer but it doesn't correspond to then level of pain, the noise just helps me move through the intensity. Especially the mooing, the low vibration helps with the pain.

OP, what is it specifically that you are worried about?
If it’s pain, book an epidural so you don’t have any.
If it’s tearing and bladder/bowel/pelvic floor damage, book an elective Caesarean.
If it’s just general anxiety, prime your DH to help you manage that in labour and look at some of the breathing and hypnobirthing techniques.
If it’s fear of the unknown, ask for a tour of the labour suite as part of your antenatal care, to familiarise yourself with it.

I didn't have much luck with either of my 2, DD1 got stuck so had to be moved to labour ward, DD2 I had a 3 day induction with. I'd still have more babies! I'm a bit of an oddball and love labour and birth. There's so much excitement, wondering what your baby will look like, what size they're going to be, who's features they'll have. It's painful but it's so bloody worth it

I kindly disagree about not watching them- I think it's helpful to de-mystify the process and normalise it- it's also helpful to watch animal birth videos for the same reason! We're animals and our bodies know how to birth.

I was absolutely terrified for my first birth and planned on All the Drugs. Turns out nature had other plans and I had a drug free birth and have since had two homebirths (one three days ago!) It's not that bad, and afterwards you'll feel like an absolute goddess! It's a miracle however you deliver your baby.

it's coming out one way or another so better just forget about it until it actually happens

OP I am due my first baby in October. I find myself anxious at time with the date looming closer. The pain. Being able to cope with the pain.

I've done a Hypnobirthing course which has really helped me understand the process of labour and what is going to happen, and techniques to help manage the pain and remain focused.

Also, being aware of your choices and that do you have a choice is very empowering. Most anxiety is a a fear of a lack of control. Knowledge is power!

We will get through it just like the millions of women before us. I pray we both have great births and do feel like superheroes afterwards!

Stop watching them and get yourself signed up to an online hypnobirthing/antenatal course instead

I'm with you on this, I'm trying to normalise it and face reality. Not watching it like burying your head in the sand and I have found the videos very helpful to see what's normal so I don't panic when the time comes

All I can say to you with absolute certainty is that your experience will be unique to you. I was petrified and very upset at the thought of giving birth. I stopped watching programmes like One Born and started thinking about my own birth plan. I did hypnobirthing and focussed on what kind of birth I would like. It was invaluable and empowered me to feel like an active part of my own birth. I remember DC1’s birth so clearly, it was life changing, it was incredible, it was hard in parts yes, but it was a truly unique experience that I still feel emotional about 5 years later when I look at the lovely 5 year old I ended up with.

This is exactly how I feel thank you