Thought I was going to die.

[JaneMargolisFromBreakingBad]

Did anyone else think they was going to die in labour?

This may sound a bit dramatic although I had a quite a traumatic birth IMO.

My waters broke about 4:30am in the morning and the pain started straight away.

We went straight to the hospital about a 20 min drive away, by that time I was examined at 7cm. Half an hour later I was 10 cm, all the while just screaming in pain, totally lost my head but having gas and air.

Then 2 epidurals, episiotomy, took into theatre and forceps delivery. Then retained placenta. My baby was born at 7:50am.

All the while I just kept thinking, if this is it, and I'm going to die then I want it to happen right now.

Did anyone else have these similar thoughts? My baby is 16 months now but I still think about the birth a lot.

Hello. I just wanted to respond to you. Birth trauma is an absolute real thing with rippling consequences. I had a good birth but so much of it is down to luck. My friend who did all the same classes, all the same prep but she was in fact much healthier, ran marathons while I cant do couch to 5k, and an actual doctor had a very difficult experience. I say this because sometimes people blame themselves or go over what they could have done differently.

That was a quick birth and must have been super overwhelming. Can I really, really, really recommend the body keeps the score. Its not about birth trauma but trauma in general and the way it comes out. Its not a self help book more a study but very readable.

Look after yourself, give yourself time and space and reach out for real world support. People often say the only thing that matters is youre both alive and healthy. No it might be the most important thing but its not the only thing.

I truly believe my first dc's birth left me with ptsd. I can't now go to the dentist as I panic when I have to lie back and they put the light over. I wish I'd had counselling at the time, maybe this is something you could look into as your baby is still young.

Yes, I had episiotomy and emergency forceps without pain relief and genuinely thought i was dying too. It's not something people want to hear but bottling it up doesn't help, believe me. Best thing is to ask the gp to refer you for counselling, talking it through does help.

Your labour sounds very very familiar. A few months after my mum told me when she came to see us in hospital the day after, I looked shell shocked and she was worried

Posted too soon.
I told her I genuinely thought I was going to die in childbirth. I also had an emergency episiotomy, ventouse, epidural that didn't take.. It was horrific

I am so sorry you had such a traumatic time.

Your labour wasn't actually all that long. I do wonder if the epidurals slowed down your ability to push. I don't know, just theorising, but I have heard that.

This may not help much but if you have another baby, it will probably be easier.

Congratulations on the little one you have whom I am sure is very precious.

I definitely struggled with birth trauma after my first. I had an emergency section due to failure to progreee but had been through 5 days of induction and had started with preeclampsia that hadn't been picked up until after birth. I felt so unwell during the section that I thought I was going to die.

What helped me to move forward in the end was a debrief with a midwife. They went through all of my notes and it helped me to stop looking back and analysing what had happened to me.

Yes I did. I genuinely thought it was the end. I did have a pph of nearly 4 litres though, straight after delivery, so I guess it was pretty dicey (lucky I was in hospital!).

Yes.

I undoubtedly have PTSD from my dc's birth.

It has totally changed me as a person and I don't think I'll ever fully recover.

Been to therapy, had a debrief from the hospital (full of inaccuracies) and have been on antidepressants ever since.

Hasn't even scratched the surface.

You speak nonsense.

trauma is not time specific OP. If you found your childbirth traumatic. It WAS traumatic. It doesn’t matter how long you were in Labour. You are traumatised.

epidurals do not slow down Labour to a significant degree. This was debunked years ago.

I would suggest a non-NHS affiliated trauma debrief. If you DM me I can suggest some names. Your feelings are valid.

I was diagnosed with PTSD after my daughter's birth, long story but I lost a lot of blood after retaining my placenta. Needed emergency surgery yet had to wait hours. Vividly remember holding my tiny baby while the midwives kept checking on my blood loss and thinking I was dying.

A birth debrief, psychotherapy and EMDR helped so much and I went on to have a much better experience with number 2. Best wishes OP.

Your labour sounds so similar to mine. I had a cervical stitch in. Water broke 4:45am and contractions started straight away

was 7cm when they checked me in hospital in the theatre room (needed stitch removing) gave me an emergency spinal and had to get baby out as her heart rate was dropping, episiotomy and forced delivery all by 8:30am.

Ive heard gljng from 0 pain to very intense pain can be really traumatic and tough.

thankfully I haven’t struggled with any after birth issues (ptsd etc).

the whole experience is shocking

I kept shouting at the midwife that I was dying and no-one cared.

I was meant to be induced but had a 6hr labour with immediate constant contractions, no epidural as progressed too fast and it was back to back. Had a bit of a bleed and it was excruciating.

By some miracle I ended up with no damage and was bouncing off the walls a couple of hours later feeling fabulous. But I was convinced it would kill me at the time.

Yes. I had an emcs for placental abruption at 31 weeks with DTs. I envisaged us all dying. Dts were agapr 0 at birth. I had / have ptsd and following off on pnd. My advice, don't minimise, get the help you need.

I’m with you - 4 hours at 10cm with just gas and air. They kept telling me, about 4 times over those 4 hours, it was ‘too late for an epidural because he’s nearly here’, put on a drip to speed up contractions which ‘won’t make it hurt more’ - massive lie!! Ended up with an emergency episiotomy and ventouse delivery still just on gas and air. Most horrific experience. It’s very hard to convey the pain and trauma to those who haven’t experienced similar.

For what it’s worth, I thought about it a lot and was angry for the first couple of years. My son is 5 now and I never think of it now at all unless a conversation about childbirth comes up. It fades. Sending you a massive hug op, you are amazing x

I do think many women go through this and yell that they're dying during childbirth, so as a result the midwives really just roll their eyes and don't care because they hear it ten times a day.

OP, and everyone else with PTSD from birth I'm so sorry. I can relate, although mine was not nearly as bad as other people's. But the trauma and bad memories do fade for most people because women keep having babies. I do wish that the PTSD were more widely discussed and supported though so women didn't feel so alone

I'm sorry to hear about your traumatic experience. Childbirth can be incredibly intense and overwhelming, and it's not uncommon for women to have thoughts like the ones you described during such moments. Your feelings are valid, and it's important to acknowledge and process them. If these thoughts continue to affect you, consider reaching out to a therapist or a support group to help you work through your feelings and find ways to cope. Your well-being matters, and it's okay to seek help when needed. 💕