fears around Labour pain after experiencing a missed misscariage

[PilarG]

Hello,
First time starting a thread :)

I am 6 months first time pregnant and now I will start preparation for the next phase of my pregnancy with my midwife... so far my pregnancy has gone well except that I am getting more and more concerned about labour pain...

for a backup story - I had a missed miscarriage last year at 10 weeks and I let it pass naturally I didn't want to go to the hospital for a D&C.... I regret this decition forever as nobody told me how painful and agonizing it was going to be and ended up traumatized... I had uterus contraction every 2 minutes for 3 hours afternoon and then 3 hours in the evening...
additionally to the emotional pain, the physical pain was something I never thought I could have...(the feeling as if someone was pulling all my organs out of my body and I just wanted to die...)

Anyways, back to my pregnancy.... I now live in France... I am from latin america where is very common to have planned c-sections... at least 80% of my acquaintances that lived there suggested that I do C-section... here in France it's not something I can choose, they only do emergency C-sections, so vaginal delivery is my only option

I can choose to have an epidural, which I 100% will, and now I will start reading and learning more about....

I am worried that before getting epidural I will experience even more painful and agonizing contractions as I had during my miscarriage....? I keep thinking that the pain of a missed misscarriage cannot be compared to labour pain... and I wonder if I will pass out of pain and I will not be able to handle it before getting epidural...

does this happen? has anyone had a similar experience?

No personal experience of this but I have spoken to other women who had missed miscarriages and went on to safe vaginal delivery. I have been told that labour is much more bearable. I wonder if this is because despite the pain of labour, there is an element of excitement/ joy that provides a psychological buffer against the pain...
My own experience, fwiw, was that contractions only became painful at about 5-6cm dilated on my first labour. Before that they were long, strong and intense but not something I would describe as painful. But of course pain is subjective...

Just have an early epidural (I think France pioneered epidurals) and you will be fine. They can top it up if an instrumental delivery becomes necessary. Medicalising your Labour is the best way to make it pain free. I am sure they must do elective c-sections sometimes in France. Even the UK NHS manages to do this on occasion, often for a second Labour where the first was traumatic.

A couple of decades ago there was an American reality TV series called 'A Baby Story' and it was remarkable how the women chose their various Labour options well in advance and their births were always attended by their private obstetricians who tried to give them what they wanted within the restrictions of safety. It proved it was possible to minimise pain by medicalisation.

I don't have any experience of miscarriages but I did give birth for the first time four months ago. I am going to be honest and say yes it is painful but I did not find it painful to the point of traumatising. I was lucky in the sense that it was a quick, straight forward delivery (only 5 hours in active labour and then my son was born). The most important thing is to stay calm and there are other pain relief options you can explore if needed before the epidural. I had pethidine, which a lot of people hate but I LOVED. I went into the hospital stating that I wanted an epidural as soon as possible and was giving pethidine to start. It ended up making me go to sleep. I went to sleep four cm dilated, woke up three hours late, 10cm dilated with the urge to push, so never ended up with an epidural. But there are pain relief options that you can try in early labour to make things manageable before you get the epidural (tens machine, gas and air etc).

Labour was far more painful and longer than my miscarriage at around the same time as yours. But, women do it, all the time and go on and have more. Try not to dwell on it, there will be pain relief available amd I went through a natural birth with no pain relief and it was surprisingly bearable.As others have said , knowing there is the joy of meeting your baby makes the pain worthwhile.

Pretty certain elective c-sections are not actually banned in France. The c-section rate is about 30% across all central European countries and include a lot of electives. The trick is to find a private doctor who will write you a referral for an ELCS with a medical reason. Existing health conditions, some issue cropping up in third trimester or severe mental trauma are all legitimate reasons.

I had a missed miscarriage in 2020 with codeine as pain relief. In 2021 my first child was born vaginally with a tens machine and gas and air, and my second child was born in 2023 with a tens machine, then a pool.

The miscarriage was far more painful than either birth. I think it's the sadness and the lack of control.

You're doing the right thing by researching all the options. If a C-section feels right, I hope you can get it. Feeling empowered in labour is the best pain relief out there

I had my second miscarriage at 13 weeks which was incredibly traumatic and the pain was very intense. I ended up in emergency D&C after it went on for a day or two...it was awful. With my daughter I was induced at 40 weeks, it was long because my waters were not broken properly but I got the epidural at 4cm due to my anxiety around the pain after the MC and a difficult pregnancy too. It was great. I felt pressure but not alot of pain and had an episiotomy too. It was managable and I was back to my old self within a week though with some pelvic floor issues (unrelated to epidural).