birthing partners - who can i have?

[eleanorsmum]

I had my husband with more dd but felt very bulldozed by it all and ended up having c section. long story, but this time i know alot more about my choices but am worried about not getting my feelings across while in labour. dh is good but would just go with what i say and not what i wanted ifswim.

i have heard about doulas but i would dealry love my best friend to be there (haven't asked her yet!) but would she allowed in the delivery room as she's not family or registered doula?

anyone got any experience?

the most important thing is to check with your hospital how many birth partners you are allowed, most do allow two .

be sure that if you have your friend there that she is not going to get freaked out and leave half way through and that she understands that she is there to advocate for you and support you

if you are going for a VBAC, then a doula or a female friend to support you and nurture you before during and after the birth is really important and proven to reduce the chances of a c.s or instrumental birth.

The most important thing to take into account are your own feeling. It is such an intimate time and the energys that your birth partners are surrounding you with have to be to relaxed and a supportive one. The poor dad sometimes only have adrenaline so you need to balance this with a calming one, so ensure your friend doesn't add to Dads cocktail of emotions as this can have a negative impact on you. Hope that helps

Good advice from T2M. I had a friend as well as my dh, and was grateful given dh had fod poisoing and got sent home...

Most hospitals will allow at least two people of your chosing, the one I work in is usually a bit more relaxed than that if all is going well. I had dh and my sister both times, I found it great, dh held my hand and gave me the g & a, my sister was in charge of the water and sick bowl. Second time round I had a homebirth and my sister took photos whilst dh did the same as last time and the second midwife had the water and sick bowl!! Don't know how people cope with fewer people, there is so much to do. It is great having everyone waiting on you hand and foot for a few hours!!

How about meeting a few doulas, seeing what they offer, whether you click etc and then decide? You could also consider having your friend AND a doula - I've been to a couple of births where this has happened and there's been a particularl lovely atmosphere. Very strong, feminine, team vibes (if that doesn't sound too hippy!)

Most hospitals allow 2 people, some are really funny about things like this though, so it's well worth asking. A mum I met at antenatal classes had her mum thrown out of the delivery suite when she really needed her.

i have also been at a birth where it was me and the friend supporting, worked really well. also been with client and her dh/partner, or just on my own with them and no partner/dh.

it depends on you and what you want.

xx

I have been a birthing partner twicve, once with another friend and once with my friends mum, I have my DP and his mum this time round for me, he is my support and the father, she is my Voice and the Force To Be Reckoned With

Have whoever you want. My 'reserve' birth partner (because dh works abroad so I couldn't be sure he'd be here) was a bloke I knew from the village pub!!