Partner and night needs

14 replies

Mummabear10032021 · 27/07/2023 06:58

Hello,
I'm just wondering what way everyone worked the nights feeds with partner when he went back to work? Our newborn girl is 2 weeks old and partner has already gone back to work when she was 1 and a half weeks old. He sleeps in our sons bedroom and doesn't do any feeds. He's up a 6:30 and does do some driving which is fair enough . He's an electrician. Her feeds would be 12am, 3am and 6am roughly. I'm then up at 7 or 8 with her older brother. Partner is constantly complaining about how tired he is like falling asleep on the couch etc. it's driving me mad. I'm also exhausted. Should he be doing some night feeds or what do you think? Looking for advice. Thanks

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 27/07/2023 07:00

If you’re not working, as you obviously aren’t, I’d be doing all feeds. But I’d be expecting him to do a night at the weekend.

BridetoBee · 27/07/2023 07:01

I’d be expecting him to do the 6am feed. That extra half an hour can be a game changer.

Caspianberg · 27/07/2023 07:03

Yes he can definitely do the 6am feed. He can presumably go to bed by 10pm, so 10-5/6am is loads. He can then get baby up and feed and change before he leaves.

Vettrianofan · 27/07/2023 07:04

He can help on his days off. DH wasn't involved in any feeds because all four were breastfed. But he would help by changing the nappies through the night after a feed. He did night shifts and day shifts when the older ones were born years ago though.

MoonLion · 27/07/2023 07:04

When I was at home and my DH was working full time I did all the night feeds (but I was breastfeeding so I had to anyway). Is he pulling his weight in other ways? Eg my DH always did bathtime after he got home from work which was nice bonding time for them.

I agree with you that it's annoying when he moans about being tired. I would ask him "really? Were you up three times in the night?" every time he does.

Tiredmummaoftwo · 27/07/2023 07:05

Did all night feeds until ds was 8 months (was breastfeeding). Dp slept in spare room and got up with our dd at 6am every day.

Luckydog7 · 27/07/2023 07:08

We did shifts as my oh is a night owl and I'm an early bird. I would do a last feed/pump at 8.30-9pm then leave the baby in his moses basket downstairs with oh. I could then get a consistent 3-4 hours of sleep. Oh would attend to baby, do a feed at at 12-1am or whenever he woke hungry then bring him up to me to settle him in the next to me cot. We just slotted his moses basket into the cot to avoid transfer. Oh slept in the spare room.

This only really works if the two of you are out of sync with your sleep pattern.

Tiredmummaoftwo · 27/07/2023 07:10

As another poster has said I think perhaps he could do a later night feed and the 6am feed to give you a little bit of sleep before he goes to work. That way he's still getting a nice chunk of sleep from say 10pm - 6am?

You could go to bed early and then get some sleep until her feed at 12pm?

LiloP · 27/07/2023 07:11

When my DH was back at work he didn’t do any feeds and slept in separate room (babies were BF though). I think YABu to expect him to be up at 3am when he has to work. Maybe he can help Friday and Saturday nights? Sorry the early weeks are hard and IMO the person at home (not working) just automatically needs to do more as the other person becomes the sole breadwinner (in most cases anyway). Any point during thr day that you can nap?

YouAndMeAndThem · 27/07/2023 07:26

I definitely think he could take the baby for that last feed, so you get a couple of hours before the eldest wakes. My babies were breastfed but my husband would take them downstairs at 6am, so I could sleep and he would have baby while he had coffee etc then would bring them back to me when he had to get ready for work

Simonjt · 27/07/2023 07:57

When we were on adoption leave (we shared it 50/50) the one on leave did the majority of night feeds. The exception was that the worker would take a night when he wasn’t working the next day to give the one on leave a break.

lavenderdilly · 27/07/2023 08:12

I would do all night feeds, but expect DH to do 6am feed, nappy change, and hand me a coffee x

PurBal · 27/07/2023 08:19

I am breastfeeding so I’m doing all feeds. But if DH moaned he was exhausted I’d lose my shit. We also have a toddler.

wp65 · 27/07/2023 08:42

My DH shared all the nights with me throughout my mat leave. We split the night into shifts - one of us did the first half of the night, say 8pm until 1am, and the other did the second half of the night, until 7am. Worked well!

At the very least, your partner should be doing the early morning feed.

Flip