Terrified of 2nd birth after DD1 suffered brain injury

[cheeriobonio]

DD born naturally 3 years ago. Normal, full term pregnancy. Started suffering seizures at a few hours old, in ICU/HDU for 2.5 weeks. Stroke diagnosed on day 4. (No reason identified as to why this happened)

I was diagnosed with PTSD & I've had 2 lots of therapy. Really rotten time whilst trying to learn how to be a FTM also.

Now pregnant with DC2. 39 weeks. ELCS booked for Monday. I feel sick with worry. Sick with worry that baby will be poorly. Sick with worry about the op itself. Met anaesthetist yesterday who was lovely but had to tell me about the risks involved which I totally get is standard but still bothered me. I suffer vertigo & so laying flat for an hour does not appeal to me, makes me feel sick (appreciate I need to lie like this!) & panicky. I had to go in to theatre for forceps with DD & in my opinion this is where things went wrong. So the idea of being back in there is scary.

I have a blood condition which means I'm very anaemic so they're using a method on me where any blood I lose is cleaned & put back in to me via a needle. Very clever but still makes me worry about blood loss & transfusions etc.

Sounds ridiculous but I've spent the last 9 months feeling so anxious every day & I'm wondering if this will have harmed the baby. I want to be calm but I don't feel calm at all.

Thanks for reading. Needed to vent.

You poor thing. Anxiety won't harm the baby. Don't add that worry on top. Babies are born in air raid shelters and refugee camps and all sorts of anxiety-provoking conditions and they turn out fine.

Hopefully, some lovely midwives and doctors will be along to give you some helpful facts and figures to counteract the worry.

I don't have any advice. But none of what your saying sounds ridiculous. You've had an extremely difficult time. Do you have a good support system at home who you can speak to about your worries?

Under the circumstances it’s totally natural to few like that. I had a difficult birth with DD. She also had a stroke, although it happened afterbirth when she was a few months old. I was really stressed about going into labour with DS but it was all fine. It’s such a rare thing to happen, the odds must be really low for your next child. Although it feels like forever at the time, being in labour is only a temporary state and you will get through it. I wish you luck.

I had a traumatic first birth and my baby ended up in NICU too. I also had a blood transfusion after a haemorrhage during labour. Said I'd never do it again.

I had my second baby in May via ELCS on a Monday - I felt a bit sick when laying down but this was very quickly elevated, within seconds. Blood was on standby. Was home with a healthy baby by Tuesday evening :) I was terrified like you but they know what they're looking for and so do you. I know the anxiety can seem overbearing by try to just enjoy the experience if you can xxx

I'm so sorry about the difficult time you've had. I had a traumatic first birth and have symptoms of PTSD too.

I understand you're very far along now so you may feel pressed for time but it might be worth finding a doula who has experience with birth trauma/PTSD. They can be very helpful and calming.

Wishing you the best 💐

How you are feeling is totally normal and understandable. I hope it all goes well.

I had my section last year and there was a nurse/midwife next to me during the first part (before husband came in) and she was essentially my advocate. When I said I was feeling sick she immediately got them to give me anti sickness meds (which are done by IV so the relief was instant). There was also a moment where I started to feel a bit overwhelmed and panicky and she told the team to stop and give me a minute. She was brilliant. I would tell your nurse/midwife about your worries before you go in (they’ll be with you in pre op to do checks) and I’m sure they’ll take really good care of you.

I’ll also say that the first part is quite quick (baby is out so fast) and I didn’t even notice how long we were in there for the rest of it. I was too distracted by the baby and my husband to realise time was passing. Hopefully the same for you.

Good luck!

Thank you for all your messages in response to the post. I'm going to try to keep it together x

So todays the day.. I've woken up in a panic. I don't need to be up until 5:30 in order to arrive at the hospital for 7/7:30 but I feel well & truly like I can't breathe. I'm so worried.

Also decided to eat 2 slices of toast at 10pm & boy am I paying for it through acid reflux. Roll on 6am when I can take the 2nd Omeprazole tablet!

Please try not to worry because an elective C-section is a much more controlled experience than what happened to you last time. Female obstetricians often choose c-section for themselves as the risks to mother and baby are in fact minimal.

By the way the other benefit is that you will meet your new baby very quickly. It really doesn't take very long. I was breastfeeding (with assistance) while they were still stitching me up.

given your experience what you are feeling is very understandable. Talk to your MW explain how you are feeling, an elective c section is a calm controlled environment they are all there to support you and your baby. Sending you good wishes op

Thank you @loveclipbook & @MrsFrTedCrilly - I will be trying to keep calm x

Hope everything goes nice and smoothly for you today OP.

Good luck OP, entirely normal to worry. Especially with your previous experience. Sounds like you are in safe hands. Very best wishes for today, focus on meeting your baby for the very first time.

Thinking of you today and hoping you are at the hospital and well on your way to holding your newborn 💐