Traumatic first birth

[Conundrum12345]

I gave birth to our first DD 2 weeks ago and really struggling. I was induced with gel. The contractions started a few hours later and were rolling. I begged for an epidural but was told I had to wait to 3cm. Finally I wad 3cm and taken to delivery. In the space of 5 mins I went from 3cm to 10cm and was told to push. I couldn't and the baby's heartrate dropped. I was taken to theatre and vacuum failed and forceps were used. They gave me a spiral anaesthetic and I had stitches.

I'm reliving this constantly. I'm in so much pain physically still and crying non stop. I know the baby blues exist but when does it stop?

You've had a big shock, and a traumatic event, whilst also being thrust into the tiredness and hormonal rollercoaster of looking after a newborn. It takes a bit of time to decompress and process it all so please don't worry that you're still feeling it all after just 2 weeks.

Have you had a chance to talk to anyone like your midwife or health visitor about the birth? Also about pain relief? Are you getting lots of support at home so you can rest and sleep as much as possible around your baby?

The MW said to ask for a debrief in a few weeks and my DH has been brilliant. But the baby can't latch due to the forceps and I feel awful about that too.

I'm on paracetamol and neurofan but it doesn't help much at all

Do ask about stronger pain relief if you get a chance, no need to be in pain if you don't have to be. Too often we're just left to get on with it and just put up with pain.

My two both had difficulties with breastfeeding in the early days, and my DS2 had an awful forceps bruise on his face which used to upset me every time I saw it. Are you expressing at all?

That’s a very traumatic experience to have gone through. Do go back and discuss with a midwife who is trained in helping you manage this trauma. Get working pain relief. You are doing well and you will get through this. Do not listen to people who say well at least your baby is fine. You also matter. After giving birth there is sleep deprivation and no rest. If you have anyone to help do get some sleep. If not be kind to yourself it’s a lot to manage but you will get through this time. Once the pain has gone and you are physically healed you will start to feel better.

Yep and my supply is increasing but I'm topping her up with formula which I know isn't ideal

You're doing an amazing job with it all, I have been right there in it with both of mine. It's so hard when they can't directly feed to begin with, and all the expressing feels like trying to catch up all the time. I managed to get back to full breastfeeding with both of mine, but equally you can continue with mixed feeding or move to mainly formula whichever suits you. There's no wrong answer when it comes to everyone's individual circumstances around feeding.

Do let your health visitors know about how you're feeling. If you're having ongoing trouble with processing it all they should be able to signpost you to further support. 2 weeks post partum is still right in the hormonal rollercoaster and the "baby blues" are not uncommon, but equally post-natal PTSD (amongst other similar reactions) is a known issue too.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you are doing an amazing job. Topping up with formula is absolutely fine and you have already given your child an amazing start with the expressed milk! Imagine two 4 year old standing beside each other, you wouldn't know which one has been breast fed, formula fed, or a mixture of both!

Definitely ask for stronger painkillers. I was on difene after a vacuum delivery.

You are doing fantastic. Congratulations.