Partner and Pregnancy / 37week pregnant and need advice...

[Lauranewmumtobe]

Hi, so Im a first time Mum-to-be and have a few struggles....some things I need advice on...before I have a total breakdown.

Today has been the ice breaker.

Im 37 weeks pregnant with my first, it has REALLY not been easy at all. First trimester sickness, bordering on being hospitalised. 2nd trimester I had sickness still along with restless leg syndrome, extreme fatigue and now I'm 37 weeks, Ive got severe pelvic floor pain, no sleep and still working. Partner hasn't supported me in stopping work and starting my mat leave due to financial pressure. He has a really good job and earns well, which I know comes at a cost, however he works 2+hours drive away and is ALWAYS stuck in M25 traffic coming home most days. We have discussed the need for him to be WFH or nearer to home as the due date approaches, but I feel like he has his priorities all wrong.

2nd issue - First of all, he works for the same company as his ex, who he was with for 4+ years, today he is working on a 'training course' in the head office, ( where she works and is based ) and has now landed it on me ( at 11am) that they are all going out for a 'celebratory lunch' (down the pub) most likely, after their training session. no mention of wanting to come home right after his training to help me, as I can barely stand for 2+ mins, let alone being home with 2 dogs and being extremely tired. This has made me so so anxious, due to the fact that his message read ' meeting with Ross, Karl...and others....'.

Ive had a breakdown this morning and cant stop crying,

a - at the thought that he would rather be down the pub, in the same vicinity as his ex, buying his team' lunch on his OWN card ( when he told me he was eating into his savings yesterday when I asked if we could buy something for the baby ) b- he just really doesnt care that he may miss, being stuck 2+hours drive away, his own first sons birth.

Please can someone tell me my thoughts and feelings are not unfair?

Maybe he'll change after baby is born. Unlikely though. My guess is he will continue to put himself first.

So my advice is, make sure you keep your independence, don't sacrifice your career for his. Be prepared that you might be a single parent at some stage. And give the baby your last name.

In the meantime, pin him down for a conversation on how finances are going to work. It's his child too and he needs to contribute.

It might be wise to have a friend/sister/relative that would be your back up birth partner in case he's not there.

Good luck with everything

How are you doing?

Posted too soon. If you ask for this to be moved to the relationships section I think you could get more help and advice.

Hi Eotsn, Im ok. Things havent been great. Im exhusted and in ALOT of pain. He is still getting up at silly oclock to go to the gym and told me he would be WFH for the next two weeks as of this afternoon. Said he would be back by lunchtime and he has just told me he is still on site. Not happy

only helpful thing I can add here is first babies usually take quite a while to come (mine was 36 hours but this is on the high end). My husband wasn’t with me for the first 12 hours of my labour in hospital (covid restrictions on the antenatal ward as I wasn’t allowed on labour ward as it was full). So if your DH is on the motorway, just head to the hospital if you need to and he can join you there ?

You are very tired and uncomfortable. I imagine this is making you more sensitive than usual and perhaps partner does not understand this?

Working 2 hours away is not ideal, but also not ridiculous. You are not likely to need him back within 2 hours. I seriously doubt that most men WFH 2 weeks before due date - many just don't have that flexibility.

Are there specific things you need his help with? E.g. he needa to be walking the dogs presumably? Be really clear about what you need and why.

I hope you are just feeling a bit tired and sensitive at the moment. Because if there are systemic issues they aren't likely to end with the pregnancy...

His choices don’t scream amazing boyfriend, why does he feel entitled to go out for lunch with his ex? You need to focus on yourself, please don’t say you’re dependent on this man for housing.

My ex partner was shit during pregnancy, just wouldn't or couldn't empathize, and behaved similarly suddenly going out late towards the end which I think a lot of men do thinking they'll go on nights out 'while they still can' he then walked out on me when i got upset about it... unlikely yours will though!

I would let today go, you're not in labour and unlikely will be later. You could always say be remember baby can come any time so make sure you're ok to drive 😄

Then have a more serious conversation about what you DO need from him now (more 'to feel supported I need you to...' not 'why don't you even care about me you should know that you need to...')

What was he like as a boyfriend before you started TTC