TW: Extremely traumatic vaginal birth- next options

[rosiebutterfly]

Hi all, recently I gave birth to my beautiful daughter I am 34 and it was my first vaginal birth.
basically everything that could go wrong did, I was induced for over 5 days, 14 hours on hormone drip, failed epidural, forceps, lost 2.5 litres of blood and had to have 3 blood transfusions, i also have a 3a degree tear front to back. I am absolutely broken mentally and physically from everything that happened the hospital are entering me into a trauma program but I’m devastated with everything that went wrong.
i am absolutely petrified to grow my family but it was what I wanted.
has anyone else been in a similar position and what did they do in the future to have a second baby?
I have been advised that c section would be recommended if I want children again but as my epidural failed I am petrified to even go through that incase the anaesthetic doesn’t work again.
has anyone gone through the surrogate route too via UK or have any information how this works? I know I should be just recovering and healing right now but i am mid 30s and my plan was to try again in around 18 months but I am so so scared after my experience.
would really appreciate to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar situation and positive outcomes for the future x

I'm so sorry you have had such a difficult time. I think you probably already know this but if you can try to put your concerns about how you manage a second birth on hold for now until you go through the trauma programme. That will hopefully help in terms of coming to terms with some of it.
For the time being just concentrate on being kind to yourself.
(Re. Caesarean there is also potentially the option of general anaesthetic.)

I haven’t been through this, but didn’t want to read and run.

Firstly, congratulations on your new baby. Enjoy her, they grow so quickly.

I would also say, there’s no need to make a decision now about growing your family. Take the time to have trauma therapy and any other counselling going. But, time really is a healer and you’ll be amazed at what you’re prepared to go through again in time.

Most labours are straight forward but if I were you I would also have a c-section next time. I understand your concern with the epidural not working this time, but sounds more like a rushed situation and clearly something went wrong. You would not be in that position for a planned c-section.

Gosh you poor thing. You can request a meeting at the hospital to go through everything that happened - I found this really helped after DD’s birth.

Also I would definitely see about speaking to someone trained in PTSD therapy (not CBT!) as talking it all through can really, really help.

In regards to a c-section in the future they use a spinal block rather than an epidural, so much, much less chance of it failing.

Hope you are as well as you can be, and congrats on your beautiful daughter.

I’m sorry you’ve had such an awful time. I had a difficult first birth (though not as bad as yours) and was left with a 3b tear. It healed well, and I saw a women’s health physiotherapist for advice on strengthening my pelvic floor.

I had my second child just under 2 and a half years later by elective c-section. The midwives and consultants were supportive of this, though did say it was my choice and Would have been fine for me to try vaginal birth if I wanted to. Although the risk of a repeat tear is low it wasn’t something I was prepared to take a chance on.

With a planned c-section they won’t start until they’re sure you’re properly numbed, and there are options for general anaesthetic if epidurals don’t work, so I don’t think you have to rule it out.

For now though, please concentrate on restoring your physical and mental health, and enjoying building your relationship with your baby.

Definitely request a meeting to discuss your birth notes (when you feel up to it).

With my first, I had a very long labour that ended in an emcs and also lost 2.5L blood and had a transfusion. I was adamant I was having no more children! However, currently bf my 6mo ds.

I was booked in for an elective with him but went into spontaneous labour. Very smooth labour and although I requested an emcs in labour, it was very straightforward and I only lost 0.5L blood, which is less than average for a section.

Unless you've had an epidural in labour, you'll have a spinal. My first spinal failed and I told them so they did it again. It's a scary feeling to have the surgery but once baby is out (and it's usually within 5-7 minutes) you forget about it all!!

Give yourself time to emotionally heal and hormones settle. My second labour and birth was such a mentally healing experience.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

as others have suggested, spinal anaesthesia is used more often than epidural for elective sections. They’re a completely different technique and generally more reliable. Even if a spinal failed there’s still general anaesthesia. The failure rate of epidurals is relatively high (about 1:8 provide inadequate pain relief). FWIW, having had a poorly functioning epidural for one labour also doesn’t mean that attempts at an epidural for future labours would fail.