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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

How do I deal with overwhelming fear of hospitals? I missed an appointment today.

12 replies

NAMECHANGE87554 · 30/06/2023 18:47

This is my third baby, my earlier appointments have been fine but in the last few weeks I have been completely overwhelmed by a fear of unecessary interventions and giving birth in hospital, to the extent that I had what can only be described as a mini breakdown on the way to my GTT this morning so I turned around and went home.

First baby was your classic horror story birth. Induction, DS was the wrong way around, emergency c-section. Both me and DS were very poorly afterwards. I suffered with what I now know to be postnatal OCD afterwards. The worst thing about the whole process was that there were several instances where HCP did not seek consent or ignored me, most of the time I had no idea what was going on. For example my midwife carried on with an internal examination even though DH and I told her to stop because the propess had been removed because the last midwife didn't update my notes. She said she needed to make sure.

Second DS's birth in a different hospital was very different, I needed forceps at the end but the midwives I had were fantastic and kept me informed of what was going on. I did develop OCD again but after a positive experience with birth I felt empowered to seek help early on and got it.

Now I am at a different hospital again and I just can't shake the feeling that this hospital will be like the first. I assumed things would be more positive this time around because it's been 10 years since my csection and I have had a vbac in between. However my consultant came across very negative and referred me for internal scans, the sonogropher performing the scans was quite cross that this particular consultant kept referring women for these 'unecessary' scans. I think this is what has triggered the problem and I have started to question whether anything else outside of my midwife appointments is also unecessary.

I recieved a phone call the other day from the day unit because I missed a GTT, I didn't realise that I had been booked in for it but the midwife said they had been having problems with women not being notified so she booked me in for today. I've been in bits ever since to the extent that I tried to call up and cancel saying I simply did not want the test, but the midwife managed to talk me out of it. I don't know where all this has come from, I feel like if I had reduced movements I would absolutely be able to go in and I don't have a fear of birth itself or the pain. So I am just trying to get my head around what happened this morning and how I can get over this fear so that I can actually get through the hospital doors. The midwives have tried to call a couple of times since but I just could not pick up the phone. Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
MollysBrolly · 30/06/2023 18:52

Speak to the midwives they will have dealt with similar issues and will be able to offer ways to help you.

tinyshoppingbasket · 30/06/2023 19:01

You don't need to have the gtt if you don't want one, it's a horrible test. Ask for your hba1c to be done at 28 weeks and 36 weeks as well if you want. It's not as accurate but it will tell you if your blood sugar is going up, down, or remaining the same. You could also randomly finger prick test at home for reassurance.

Talk to your midwives about your previous experiences and worries.

Have a home birth.

I hate hospital too, I went straight for a home birth and I'm about to have another one. Brilliant experience.

NAMECHANGE87554 · 30/06/2023 19:43

Thanks everyone, sorry my thread is full of typos, I'm still really out of sorts.

I know I probably need to speak to the midwives, it's finding it in me to open up and talk about it and to trust the person I am opening up to. I also worry that if I get diagnosed with some kind of mental health problem in pregnancy that my wishes won't be taken seriously in labour.

When I did try to call and cancel he midwife I spoke to did offer to do a HBA1C as an alternative but it didn't do anything to stop the fear of going in for a test.

I would love a home birth, I did ask about it at my last midwife appointment. The midwive said that they are likely to be very short staffed around October and they most likely wouldn't allow a high risk home birth so I guess I have no choice but to go into hospital.

OP posts:
BMrs · 30/06/2023 19:53

Have you tried hypnotherapy? Really helped me when I had anxiety about the house being broken into after an incident. Literally went away overnight after years of stress and sleepless nights

NAMECHANGE87554 · 30/06/2023 20:12

I hadn't considered that @BMrs I'm glad it helped you. I'll look into it, thanks.

OP posts:
tinyshoppingbasket · 30/06/2023 20:22

You always have a choice, they can't 'not allow' you a home birth if that's what you want.

You can also decline consultant care. I think in your position I would as there doesn't seem to be an actual problem/risk - just a lot of fuss over nothing.

Could you have the HBA1C done at your GP? Or some other phlebotomy clinic? That would take the sting out.

I agree that hypnotherapy and/or hypnobirthing on top would really be good for you.

It's your birth, your choices, you're in control.

Noorandapples · 30/06/2023 20:36

I echo the others recommending hypnobirthing techniques, loads online. I was very traumatised by my first birth and it helped hugely for my second.
You also do have the right to not attend appointments. When you do manage to talk to a midwife, explain how you've been feeling, they'll do their best to accommodate you.

Have a look in your blue book and there should be a maternity advice and helpline, it's there to be used and they might be able to organise some adjustments in your care plan.

PinkPlantCase · 30/06/2023 20:57

Have a home birth. They don’t have to ‘allow’ you to do anything. I discovered a really useful Facebook group called Home Birth Support Group U.K. there are so many useful resources on there and hundreds of stories from people who have had a HBAC.

I hated hospitals because I’d had to spend a lot of time in them when I was a teenager/young adult. They don’t make me feel safe or at all well monitored.

I had a Homebirth with my first baby during covid and it was beautiful. I’m planning another one now with my second.

maybebalancing · 30/06/2023 21:42

Trying to have a home birth is not a sensible solution for someone who has already had an emergency C-section.

Having had a traumatic birth and emergency c-section I can totally sympathize with the panic that comes with the loss of control.

Talk to your midwife about your situation and ask for appropriate care and support.

Avoidance isn't a recommended treatment for any anxiety disorder. Avoidance in high risk pregnancies could be extremely dangerous.

tinyshoppingbasket · 30/06/2023 21:47

She's had a vbac since her C-section. Home birth is totally viable.

Home Birth Support Group UK is an excellent group and even if you don't end up with a home birth you will get some fantastic and knowledgeable advice about navigating maternity care.

maybebalancing · 30/06/2023 21:50

OP herself says that the staff regard her as having a risk birth.
Avoidance fuels anxiety it doesn't reduce it. It is more productive for OP to receive support for her anxiety rather than increase risk to herself and her child.

PinkPlantCase · 30/06/2023 23:16

🤷‍♀️ It’s hard to find someone who isn’t labelled as high risk for some reason or another.

The OP was fine for the VBAC of her second DC as she felt well supported by the hospital staff. This time she doesn’t feel as supported.

I know mumsnet is pretty anti home birth on the whole but it’s still an option available to the OP which could help her situation.

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