Birth trauma

[Shymama]

Evening all!
Don't really know what I'm wanting from writing this but anyway...
I had a very traumatic birth with my daughter 2 years ago, first and as things are atm last pregnancy.
I still feel that everything is still pretty raw, of what I can remember from the birth, a lot still seems to be a blur even after talking things through with birth partner.
I quite often find myself daydreaming about being back in that situation, maybe disassociating is the best way to describe it and having this horrendous, crippling fear and anxiety come over me. The mention of giving birth, blood or even just talking about a baby is enough to set me off sometimes and I just don't really know what to do about it.
I never spoke to a Dr about it as I thought I'd just 'get over it' and don't know if I've left it too long that they'll just think I'm being daft maybe, of course the thought of having another child has crossed my mind but just the thought of giving birth again makes it a big fat no.
Has anyone else experienced this, if so what helped or even improved your thinking about things relating.
Thanks in advance and sorry for the somewhat long post

Hello! I had my oldest 4 years ago. I had exactly the same symptoms following a complex birth. I referred for counselling through my doctor and was diagnosed with PTSD. The counselling I got was so supportive and helpful (Cbt) and I was able to welcome my second child late last year.

I would suggest going to your doctor/self referring and go from there.

I wouldnt say it has permanently gone and it resurfaced slightly after my last child but It does get much easier. I no longer have a racing heart driving past the hospital or have to turn off the TV if there are references to surgery.
Best wishes x

Does your hospital were you gave birth have a birth after thoughts service (that's what it is called at mine) you have the chance to sit done with a trained midwife to go over your notes. It might give you some clarity on what happened

I had a pretty awful labour but fortunately seemed to get through it fairly psychologically unscathed, so I can't offer personal experience. I am however a GP and have had several patients in a similar situation to you over the years. I am so sorry this has had such an enormous and lasting impact on you, even to the point that it is affecting your plans to have further children. You have absolutely not left it too long at all. If anything you have given it plenty of time to see if time would heal the wounds you've been left with, and the perseverance of your feelings of trauma are a clear indicator that you now need some help with this.
I think you would benefit from explaining how you feel to your GP and asking for a referral to your obstetrics department for a consultant debrief. They will be able to go through your notes and discuss your labour/delivery. They can help to explain why certain decisions were made, why things happened as they did, and answer any questions you have about your experience and your care. While this can't take away the trauma you've been through, sometimes having a chance to address it can take away some of the power it has over you and allow you to start moving forwards.

@Nicknamesforviolet Thank you, it's good to know I'm not alone in the way I've felt since, I'll phone the GP in the morning! It's amazing to hear that you went on to have another child, congratulations!

@Mumof1andacat that's something I'll have to look into, thank you!

@pbdr I will phone in the morning, thank you for reassuring me that I haven't left it too long, it's probably been 6 months that I've been questioning myself about why I haven't looked for advice sooner!

Thank you all❤

What you are describing is PTSD. I suggest you seek a referral for psychological therapy. Wishing you all the best x

PTSD just beware CBT doesn’t always work for everybody nor does constantly rehashing the experience. When you have a flashback, try to actively stop yourself. As soon as you start daydreaming about it, make a mental effort to pull yourself back to the current situation.

Try grounding techniques they helped me massively and tetris.
Grounding: go through all the senses of the now when you have intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. What can you, smell, feel, hear, taste and see in the present over and over and really feel the "now".
Tetris: proven by medical research to help distract from trauma and help your brain gain peace to repair... don't believe me? Research it xx