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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

First baby, low risk - buy an Aniball and train for a Vbac or give in to fear and ask for an elective

97 replies

Plimsongrey · 18/03/2023 23:04

First baby
Smooth pregnancy so far, considered low risk
BMI of 20.5
Active lifestyle

Now 30 weeks at a crossroads - do I go the full hog and prepare for natural birth? Aniball hypnobirthing techniques etc or do I just request an a elective as deep down I'm shit scared of a traumatic birth and don't like the Russian roulette of a vbac.

I have an appointment to discuss an elective next week but I can't say I'm 100% adamant about it, I just want it on the table in case I bottle it. Part of me want to be courageous and try vbac, the other part things that's bonkers.

OP posts:
Plimsongrey · 19/03/2023 07:11

Mum had three vbs in 80s on just gas and air. Grandma 4 vbs in 60s at home. Maternal cousin 2 vbs a few years ago just gas and air with no problems.

No one in family ever had an emergency or elective csection so cannot understand why I'd even consider it. It's alien to them.

They were all in early 20s not mid 30s though but not sure if that can affects things. I'm 36 but still active and healthy.

OP posts:
Plimsongrey · 19/03/2023 07:17

You've raised good points about why I'm reluctant about a c section @RebeccaCloud9

Also heard it can affect fertility sometimes

OP posts:
UnaVaca · 19/03/2023 07:21

Do the hypnobirthing course by the positive birth company. The digital pack.

welshweasel · 19/03/2023 07:32

I had 2 elective c sections as I wanted to eliminate the need for an instrumental delivery, emergency c section or a 3rd degree tear.

I also didn't want to be on the wrong end of difficult decision making in the middle of the night, potentially putting baby at risk.

After spending a lot of money getting pregnant in the first place, I wanted what was most likely to get me a live, unharmed baby at the end of it!

Both sections were delightful, and recovery was very easy. I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

Apollonia1 · 19/03/2023 07:35

OP, I was like you - terrified of having a bad vaginal birth. Before I even got pregnant, I knew I wanted a c-section.

In the end I had twins, and both were transverse/breach, so I had to have a c-section.

It was an amazing calm experience. No pain and the recovery was easy. Very minimal pain for a day or two (like a dull muscle ache after a gym workout). Running around as normal by day 3/4. For me, it was absolutely the best decision.

FUSoftPlay · 19/03/2023 07:36

I had an elective the second time and natural (forceps, tear and episiotomy) the first. I still wouldn’t expect anyone to actually elect for a c section in the first instance. A natural, uncomplicated labour is way easier on the body. You don’t know how it will it go, but if you’re low risk etc there’s really nothing to suggest you can’t have an uncomplicated natural birth.

Apollonia1 · 19/03/2023 07:43

Reading back, I didn't have any c-section complications as mentioned above (searing pain from trapped air, total immobility, difficulty sitting up etc.)

The catheter was out at 7am the next morning, and straight into shower.
I hear peppermint tea is good if you have trapped air.
I had no immobility, apart from a couple of hours after the procedure. Then I could walk to wash face/brush teeth etc before going to bed.
No problem sitting up - used the same technique as when heavily pregnant (rolled on side and used my arm to lever myself up)
By day 3 it was like I had never has an operation - pushing the babies trollies, going up and down stairs etc.

RosaBonheur · 19/03/2023 07:45

It's extremely unlikely that a C-section would affect your future fertility. What it can do is cause complications in future pregnancies and births. Very rarely, an embryo can implant in a C-section scar, which is a type of ectopic pregnancy, is non viable and very dangerous if undiagnosed and left untreated. Slightly more commonly, scar tissue can cause problems with placenta insertion. The placenta can attach over the scar tissue, hindering the flow of nutrients to the baby, or the scar tissue can cause the placenta to attach in a less optimal place, increasing the risk of conditions such as placenta previa. If you want to try having a vaginal birth after a C-section (unlikely if you opted for a planned C-section due to personal preference first time round, but not impossible), it makes your subsequent labour a bit more risky, with the possibility of scar rupture. And if you have repeat C-sections, as @RebeccaCloud9 says, it becomes more difficult for the surgeon to successfully perform each time. So if you want more than two children (again, unlikely if you are 36 now but not impossible), it's best to avoid.

Now, for balance. I had an emergency C-section with my first baby after my labour stalled. I didn't get past 6cm dilated and my baby started to get tired. I found the anaesthetic quite unpleasant, got the shakes and was sick into a bedpan during the operation. Seeing my baby for the first time was amazing and emotional, and I had delayed cord clamping at my own request. My baby was then taken away to be weighed and cleaned and I didn't see him again until I was in recovery, which I was not expecting. It took about 40 minutes to finish the C-section after he was born, which I also wasn't expecting. (Hadn't really thought about it before.) Once they start, the baby is out in a couple of minutes, but stitching you up again takes much longer. (This is a good thing because doing a proper job takes time and shouldn't be rushed, but it felt interminable at the time.)

Afterwards, I was really not very mobile. I had my C-section just before midnight and didn't get out of bed until the following afternoon when a nurse came to remove my catheter and helped me get out of bed to walk to the toilet. You don't really appreciate how much you use your abs to sit and stand up until they've been sliced open and sewn back together again, and you can't. That was the worst part of the recovery for me. It took a good couple of weeks before I was able to sit and stand up without it being scary and painful. If you do end up having a C-section, take all the painkillers you are offered afterwards and make sure your partner understands that you can't move around easily and they need to do everything around the house and the majority of nappy changes etc.

After the first couple of weeks postpartum I felt much more normal again and by two months postpartum I was exercising again. My scar healed really well and is small and neat. And obviously I had no damage to the perineal area and minimal pelvic floor damage. (You should still do kegels even after a C-section birth though.) I also didn't get post birth piles, which I did after my VBAC and were far more painful than either labour or my stitches. (Eat loads of fibre, drink loads of water and don't ever strain on the toilet. Piles are no joke and prevention is better than cure.)

I find that being prepared for all eventualities and understanding how vaginal labour proceeds when everything goes smoothly, the different possibilities about what might happen if it doesn't, and what happens during a C-section, is really helpful for allaying fears about childbirth. Giving birth is a huge thing, however you end up doing it.

On sites like Mumsnet you can get some amazingly useful information that women might be reluctant to share with you in real life, but you also tend to get more women talking about having experienced birth trauma, because they may feel more comfortable discussing it here. Some women do have hugely traumatic experiences and those shouldn't be minimised. And no one can guarantee that nothing like that will happen to you. However, the chances are it won't happen to you.

It's far more likely that you will end up with an emergency C-section but a reasonable recovery than it is that you will suffer a horrific birth injury. And equally, there's a good chance that you will have a straightforward vaginal labour with maybe a few stitches afterwards, and be back to normal within a few weeks.

In your case I would read everything you can about all types of births, and try to be mentally and physically prepared to have a straightforward vaginal birth, whilst understanding what the range of outcomes might be if things don't go according to plan. This will help you to write a realistic birth plan, advocate for yourself during labour if need be, and feel less scared.

Gigi606 · 19/03/2023 07:49

Unfortunately you’ll probably never know if you made the right choice either way if it doesn’t go to plan.
I had an awful vb with DC1 and couldn’t get up/walk/totally incontinent for 6 weeks and had PTSD.
I had a fantastic planned C-section with DC2 and got up and had a shower and went home (fully continent) the next day. My scar is very neat and not really something I think about. Based on my experience with DC1, a section was the safest and only option for me to have another child. If I could go back in time and change anything in my whole life it would be to have a planned section with DC1. My vb has left life changing injuries.
I don’t get the obsession with vaginal birth - if you like your vagina/pelvic floor working/feeling/looking the way it is before you have kids, definitely have a section. I can’t stress this enough. Anyone who says ‘it’s all the same’ after vb is in the 1% of lucky b’s or a total liar. Good luck, unfortunately there’s no right answer and no way to know ahead of time if you’re in the 1% lucky b club.

RWB9 · 19/03/2023 07:54

I’m currently pregnant after a section and I am leaning towards a section (purely because my first was an emergency situation after hours of labour and with those circumstances it seems unlikely I’d birth naturally)

if you are worried about the pain of labour I’d really really think twice about a section. I know everyone is different but the pain I had from surgery was absolutely horrific. It’s the only thing making me nervous this time. I couldn’t leave the bed for the first 24-36 hours so I missed out on his nappies, cuddles, I couldn’t lift him up. I got really upset about not being able to care about my new baby. The recovery was so much better after a few days but bear in mind that you can’t drive, you shouldn’t go on a strenuous walk, lift heavy etc.
If you end up in an emergency situation with a section then that’s unavoidable but I’d definitely look into hypnobirthing first. speak to your midwife as she can tell you if the baby is head down, if they’re engaged and if you’re starting to dilate towards the end. My first never engaged and I’m curious to see if this one will (if he does I will strongly consider VBAC)
Good luck! I hope it all goes well for you x

Marchforward · 19/03/2023 07:56

Plimsongrey · 18/03/2023 23:22

Episiotomy, forceps, very long labour - basically any complications. Not coping with pain, I would like to be lucid and not up to my eyeballs in heavy painkillers

The pain from my c section was worse than my later vbac.

breakfastbagel · 19/03/2023 07:56

If there's anything I've learned from Mumsnet threads on birth reflections and my real life friends/family experiences it's that when you make fear based decisions you are leaving yourself open to massive regret.

Do a hypnobirthing course, follow some of the wonderful birthworkers on Instagram (who are SO generous with their time and knowledge), listen to some podcasts and generally just get educated about birth. I really love the birthing instincts podcast, and the midwives cauldron, and the hypnobirthing podcast!

And Jessie Ware's week by week pregnancy podcast is great as well.

It doesn't matter what choice you make, as long as you come to it from an informed and confident position.

Poppins2016 · 19/03/2023 07:59

You mention that you have two friends who had bad experiences and experienced PTSD as a result. I suspect this is swaying your feelings on the issue quite a bit. I was similar to you in that I only seemed to know people who had awful experiences (crash C sections, instrumental deliveries, PTSD, etc.). Even people who'd had 'good' births kept telling me to 'take all the pain relief they throw at you and more', so I was (naturally, I suppose!) apprehensive about giving birth as a result.

Something to remember is that the horror stories make a 'good' story (everyone remembers them and/or likes telling people about them), unlike straightforward vaginal births. For every difficult birth there are many more straightforward pregnancies and births.

In my NCT group people will often say 'oh yes, x had a horrific birth, y had this happen' and the experiences are real talking points. If conversation turns to other births, they - interestingly, given the context of my post - can't ever recall mine or the other straightforward births as they were so unremarkable.

When I asked a midwife what I should do to try to achieve a good birth, her sole suggestion was to try to do whatever I could to eliminate fear and understand the process. Hypnobirthing (which sounds 'hippy dippy' but is actually science and common sense based) was extremely useful; I didn't get on with all of it (visualisations and terminology), but I utilised the parts that I did gel with (knowledge, relaxation and breathing). The course I did was at my local NHS hospital, but there are some good online courses available too (I did an online course as a less expensive 'refresher' when I had my second child and would rate them both about the same in terms of content).

In the end, I had two relatively straightforward pregnancies and went significantly overdue with both babies.
I spent most of my labour with baby number 1 at home, not realising that I was as far along as I actually was, because my body doesn't labour in a 'standard' way (just FYI, not everyone experiences '3 contractions lasting a minute within 10 minutes' and I recommend listening to your body and being assertive about what you're experiencing if you need to), then I made my way into hospital and gave birth vaginally in a birth pool in the MLU using gas and air.
With baby number 2, because I'd coped at home without pain relief with my first until I got to hospital (at 8.5/9 cm dilated and feeling 'pushy'!), and because I felt I'd probably end up doing the same again (i.e. coping well at home and then transferring later than I'd like) I decided to have a home birth. It was another straightforward vaginal birth in a pool with gas and air when I wanted it.
I did have long labours (or, more accurately, my latent phases were long), but I'd say the pain was manageable and nowhere near the levels that people had terrified me into thinking it would be (caveat, people are all different, but I suppose that's sort of my point)! Remember that you get a break in between contractions (unlike most other types of pain) and this is really helpful for managing it mentally.

So in summary... don't listen to the horror stories and remember that most births are actually very straightforward. And even those births that are not straightforward don't necessarily end up causing PTSD. Equip yourself with as much knowledge as you can and as many tools as you can to see you through labour. I really do recommend hypnobirthing, as it provides so much information about the process that nothing takes you (too much) by surprise when it happens.

Rbaby · 19/03/2023 07:59

This book is quite good:

EssexMamisoa · 19/03/2023 08:00

C section recovery isn’t something to take lightly. Admittedly a vb can result in a difficult recovery too, but with a CS a difficult recovery is the only outcome. It’s not something to be taken lightly

Rbaby · 19/03/2023 08:01

A friend bought it for me. I have already had two vbs but am still picking up useful tips from this one. It talks a lot about fear and what response that triggers in our body as opposed to what happens if we are relaxed and filled with oxytocin.
I'd definitely recommend researching this area first and consider a vb if you can.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

First baby, low risk - buy an Aniball and train for a Vbac or give in to fear and ask for an elective
lilsupersparks · 19/03/2023 08:06

I think reading some positive birth stories would help you.

I had 4 vaginal births - including one breech and not a single tear or anything. I did have some drugs in the last Labour and they sent me a bit dolally but nothing too bad.

i think being as prepared as you can is good (and making sure your birthing partner is too. I’m so sorry that two of your friends have had such traumatic experiences.

ThanksForYourHelp · 19/03/2023 08:07

I had a lovely epidural.

RosaBonheur · 19/03/2023 08:10

RWB9 · 19/03/2023 07:54

I’m currently pregnant after a section and I am leaning towards a section (purely because my first was an emergency situation after hours of labour and with those circumstances it seems unlikely I’d birth naturally)

if you are worried about the pain of labour I’d really really think twice about a section. I know everyone is different but the pain I had from surgery was absolutely horrific. It’s the only thing making me nervous this time. I couldn’t leave the bed for the first 24-36 hours so I missed out on his nappies, cuddles, I couldn’t lift him up. I got really upset about not being able to care about my new baby. The recovery was so much better after a few days but bear in mind that you can’t drive, you shouldn’t go on a strenuous walk, lift heavy etc.
If you end up in an emergency situation with a section then that’s unavoidable but I’d definitely look into hypnobirthing first. speak to your midwife as she can tell you if the baby is head down, if they’re engaged and if you’re starting to dilate towards the end. My first never engaged and I’m curious to see if this one will (if he does I will strongly consider VBAC)
Good luck! I hope it all goes well for you x

Try Spinning Babies exercises, even if your baby is already head down, to make sure they're face to spine and head tucked in. I think this made all the difference for me second time round.

I was convinced that I only had a chance of a successful VBAC if I went into labour spontaneously rather than being induced (I no longer think this) but I walked for miles and did lots of bouncing and hip circles on the ball and I think that probably helped with the positioning as well.

RosaBonheur · 19/03/2023 08:14

I did hypnobirthing AND had an epidural.

The breathing exercises were really useful in early labour, most of which I spent in the bath with essential oils listening to music. Then when the contraction pain got really bad I had an epidural, lay down on the bed for a nap, and discovered I'd gone from 3-9cm an hour later.

Myeyeballsareonfire · 19/03/2023 08:18

OP I have had 4 vaginal births without pain relief. I was PETRIFIED before my first birth, and the thought of instruments/tearing etc made me want to be sick.

Anyway, I realised that the best way (for me) to try and eliminate these things was to make sure I was the one in control. So no forced pushing, no pain relief to mess up my mind, and importantly, a decent foetal position (although one was back to back and still ok!)

I stated repeatedly and strongly on my birth plans (even for baby #4) that I was terrified of tearing. I’ve never once torn. I’ve always asked to be told when to stop, pant etc.

Also, the pain. It helps to consider it a productive pain, rather than a ‘danger’ pain.

I would recommend the book posted above, as well as someone like the Naked Doula on instagram. She is fantastic.

Best of luck. Ultimately the choice is yours.

Myeyeballsareonfire · 19/03/2023 08:20

Oh I should say, if you do go vaginally, I’d highly recommend a water birth.

YearoftheRabbit23 · 19/03/2023 08:20

Like you I was very concerned about all the unknowns of vaginal birth. Opted for a C-section and it was great, pain was bearable, didn't take any pain relief once I was discharged from hospital (3 nights, not in UK). I was never "out of it" and very much aware of what was going on. It was definitely the right choice for me.

BCxx · 19/03/2023 08:24

I was in your boat and I’d spent most of my life worrying about giving birth. I’m not even sure why, I just didn’t like the gamble of it and felt like something awful would happen to me. Although I know that’s not the case for a lot of people. I went for a section and I can’t obviously compare it to the alternative but I couldn’t be happier with my choice. It was amazing, so calm, so controlled and I’m doing it all again this year 😊I couldn’t sleep at night for worrying about it though by 22 weeks as the consultant hadn’t approved it yet. If you’ve got to 30 weeks and you’re still on the fence maybe part of you want to try for a vaginal birth?

Lcb123 · 19/03/2023 08:25

Unless you have a medical reason which better suits c-section I’d be inclined to prepare for vaginal birth. Generally easier recovery