Childcare or no childcare last minute

[AlmostDue]

I'm due to have my second child in a few days. We had childcare for our first child (2 years old) planned but it's fallen through for unavoidable reasons.

This must happen all the time.

We are a bit stuck. Most of our friends don't have children and aren't that great with children when we see them with our DC. So I don't think I can ask them to look after DC for any length of time. It would be unreasonable and unfair on everyone.

We have never used a childminder and it's always made me very concerned to leave my child with a stranger who I don't know in our house for a long time. I worry how vulnerable they are and wouldn't want that.

I think this means I might be giving birth without my partner. I don't think there is much choice.

Last time, I really relied on him but the midwives were good. I don't feel very stressed at the moment about this. This is common for me, I stress about decisions but when the situation is bad and nothing I can change, I don't stress. I don't engage in the problem (or process it), instead I just get on with it and that doesn't mean it's easy.

However, my rational brain is telling me this is quite bad and I should find a way to prepare to give birth alone (rather than just blot it out and go with the flow).

I wanted to hear what others had to say? Would you be concerned? How important is finding childcare? Are there ways my partner could come for a bit of the birth that you can think of? Have you done it alone? How did you find it?

Does your child go nursery? You could ask the girls there if they do?

I don't see how your partner could be there at any point if he also childcare for your eldest as it wouldn't be appropriate or probably allowed.

I didn't birth on my own but laboured for the most part due to covid. My husband could join me when I was in active labour and then was sent away an hour after birth. It wasn't great but if you've got no other option?

You could consider a doula for you as support? Lots volunteer?

Could one of your friends be a birth partner for you instead?

Do you have student midwives in your hospital? My student was really great (much better than DH)

Could you get a doula to be your birth partner?

That could be something I'd ask for. Is it something you asked whether it was possible in advance? I guess it depends who is on shift, so maybe would do it on the day

Doula is a good idea.

I think for some reason, I only really feel comfortable with my partner or strangers being there. It's a very intimate environment and I'd them to either be exceptionally close to me or never see them every again 🤣.

However, I do appreciate the suggestions because it helps me to consider my options and make a good decision

How do you pick a doula? I'm 39 weeks pregnant, so I probably don't have much time

would you consider a home birth? My friend did this and had her baby at home, with her child upstairs asleep. That way your partner could be with you some/all of the time depending on the time of day.

We didn't have childcare for my second child we have no family and had a planned c section which was conveniently booked for when I was at nursery but unfortunately I went into labour so was in the evening. It was fine, the staff were lovely and I enjoyed the quiet.

This is lovely to hear. You can't plan for everything. I thought there might be a few people in our situation, who have to go it alone!! How long until your partner and child could visit? I remember the first hour was very special bonding time, could it be appropriate to share that as a family?

@AlmostDue I found mine looking on the doula directory and asking for recommendations in local parent or home birth groups. It's not too late!

@AlmostDue he was born at about 7.30 at night and my husband came in the next day after dropping her at nursery. I think he then went home to finish painting the baby's room as it seemed like a good opportunity. He was a dream of a newborn though so would have stayed longer if needed. He brought my daughter after nursery that evening.

I'd still ask a friend... unless they're totally irresponsible and utterly useless, most childfree people will still be able to cope.

Is a home birth totally out of the question for you?

I gave birth to my first child without my H. The second time he was with me he was bloody useless. To be fair though my labour's (3) lasted 2.5 hours each so was kind of in and out PDQ.

Is your child in nursery? Some staff do babysitting!

In my area visitors are allowed in from 2pm - 8pm.

Other parent 8am-8pm.

Otherwise, if it was me. I would try get my head round doing it alone. I'd be less stressed knowing older DC was fine.
You say you relied on him a lot, I wanted to push my DP out the window, as much use as a chocolate fire guard.

Our back up plan is for my DH to stay at home with our eldest and for me to give birth alone. Like you I don’t like the idea of having anyone else I know as the birth partner. I don’t think it is a particularly big deal…. But that’s because I wouldn’t be the one missing out, it would be DH. How does your DH feel about it all?

Nursery workers are a good idea.

FWIW we considered a home birth too but I hate the idea of giving birth with my two year old around more than I dislike the idea of giving birth in hospital alone!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Some good ideas. Nursery workers might be a good idea.

Perhaps friends could help for some of labor, that might be a compromise. Last time we would have needed childcare for a couple of days and it's the end bit where the support is most useful. So if I'm in for a long time, we could call someone.

Home birth is probably not for me, last time I was induced and it meant I had a lot of interventions that wouldn't have been possible outside of a medicalised environment. I might be different this time but it's probably wise to imagine I might need similar medical assistance.

"a chocolate fireguard" - that's a funny image, I'll use that phrase.

My partner was really good, he's terrible at organising anything that's not under pressure but in a crisis is super calm and thoughtful. He noticed mistakes/inexperienced of the newly qualified midwife and subtly pointed it out and discussed options with her tactfully. I think extra pair of eyes helped as it was her first solo birth. He also helped me make decisions.

This time....I think I'll be better at making decisions because I have some experience and understand options better. The midwife would probably have been fine, it's unlikely you get someone's first time and the mistakes she made were things like forgetting to monitor baby during induction (which is a risk but baby was fine). So I think it would have all been ok.

@Autumn231 - we hadn't spoken prior to my initial post as we got the news while he was working. He said he would be sad to miss the birth, it's a huge life event and he's quite sentimental about it. He also said he enjoys being able to support me.

Tough one. We might have to keep discussing and thinking of options.