Anyone regret an elective C section?

[Gracebaker]

This may be a bit of an unusual post but I just wondered if any other mums in the same boat.

I requested a c section for the birth of my first baby 18 months ago. I was so certain it was what I wanted at the time (I work in healthcare and have seen VB go wrong many times plus seem a lot of the after effects of VB). No one could have talkEd me out of it.

So it was super easy to get an elective c section booked, however i went into labour a few days before it was scheduled. As it happens I progressed very quickly and on arriving at the hospital two hours after waters broke I was already 8cm dilated! As I was booked for c sec they took me for the elective c section but as an ‘emergency’.

It was all fine and recovery no problem . Everything was fine. I’ve had zero issues post partum, breastfeeding was good, DS has always been healthy and happy. But I can’t help but feel disappointed about my birth story. I feel disappointed in myself that I didn’t birth him naturally when I feel like that’s what my body wanted to do.

Obviously I don’t know what would have happened for sure but after the csec the midwife said he would have been born within 30mins if I’d carried on, and I often think back to the birth and wish I’d said I didn’t want the c section.

Weirdly I feel like I wasn’t given much of an option to try to birth naturally at the time as he was coming so quickly I think they just wanted to get me to theatre asap.

Anyway I don’t really know what the point of this thread is. Just that I feel disappointed with my perfectly fine and non traumatic birth. I think about the two hours I had in (quite intense) labour as the best parts of my birth experience, and feel I let myself down by having the c section.

Whenever anyone talks about their VB - whether it was a horrible one or not - I always feel quite triggered, jealous even, and it brings these feelings back of not being good enough and just generally being a bit lame.

Anyone out there experience something similar or am I just being crazy?!

if I get pregnant again I’m thinking I’ll try for VBAC.

There are no prizes given based on the type of delivery you had.

I've had 2 sections one elective
I often think I wish I could of pushed my baby out because I would liked to know how it feels and experience it
So I understand to an extent
Plus people seem to brush off my birthing experiences as "easy" which is frustrating
But just try remember no matter what way you had your baby the most important thing is that you and your baby are healthy
Plus you can always try to go another direction next time
Don't stress on it
You did amazing
Either way you created a life

Sorry you’re feeling like this. I often think all this stigma around a section is what leads women to feel like this. A guy gets handed a baby and is equally a parent the same as us but hasn’t had to do a thing to grow it or get it into the world. Yet here we’re left potentially feeling bad about how they were born, it’s insane!

I had a maternal request elective the same as you and have always said that some women (or most maybe) are born with this inbuilt desire to put themselves through that. I just wasn’t. It was never in me, in fact the opposite was. So when I had the nice textbook csection with no issues afterwards I was delighted! I got a few annoying comments that made me feel a bit weird but in no way that I’d not managed to do something or failed, more just like ‘it’s nothing to you how I got my baby out’!

Do you think you’d feel differently if you hadn’t experienced labour first and it wasn’t nearly happening? I think I sort of solidify my decision in my head with the knowledge that baby ended up breech with a low placenta after me campaigning from day 1 for a section.. so he definitely didn’t want to come out any other way either. I’m sure if you were to be able to have a vbac in future at some point and sort of tick it off your list you will feel better. Your baby is here and you still get handed the exact same baby, with no extra gold coin or anything if it’s been pushed out your hooha first! Try to remember that, you did amazingly 😊

I get what you mean. I thought long and hard about it before and a planned c is a hedge your bets kind of position. Your not going for the best case scenario but your avoiding the worst (crash c).

I sometimes feel disappointed with myself too, but I know others who went for the natural birth and kick themselves they didn’t go straight for a c.

You just have to make peace with it. You made the decision with the information you had at the time - which is not a lot! It’s not like you have a crystal ball! So be kind to yourself.

I think you're romanticising VB.
I've had one of each - VB first, the planned section due to breech for my second. Both resulted in a healthy baby which is all I really cared about.

I'm confused though - are women allowed to choose what kind of birth they have now? I wasn't aware of that . I'm sure in my day VB was the default unless there were specific medical reasons for section.

Hi op, I had an elected section and I don't regret it but I was really surprised at how many people asked me if I thought I'd regret a VB. My approach to it is that you make the best decision you can with the info available to you at the time. You also make a birth plan so that when things get crazy or intense you aren't expected to make big decisions on the spot because that's a lot of pressure and I think that's even more likely to lead to regret. You have no way to know how your body would have reacted to a VB especially because adrenaline and stress are the enemies of labour and you presumably wanted a section because you were stressed and nervous about vb. You made a decision to bring your baby into the world in the way you felt would be safest and smoothest for you both based on research and experience. That is you being a fantastic mummy and listening to what your gut was telling you at the time. The midwife has no way to know your lo would have been born in 30 mins. There's no way to know if there would have been complications or how your body would have reacted. I know more people who regretted not listening to themselves and pushing for a section than I do who had a section and regretted it.
I think you're being really hard on yourself and you're downplaying what a massive thing you went through and that your body went through to bring your baby into the world. You are a rockstar. I agree with the earlier poster who said its a hedge your bets deal. There's no reason why you couldn't try a VB with any further children if that's what you want to do. But I think you should be really proud of yourself because a section is far from the easy out and noone should suggest that it is.

I did for quite a while and the best part of a decade later it still hurts.

I'm not really a mopey type though so it is what is and crack on.

Reasons I regret it

I didn't understand about the importance of exposure to bacteria in the birth canal (obviously this is no where near as important as staying keeping everyone breathing.)

I don't think my baby was ready to be out - I had an emergency one and the whole thing was a lot smoother.

The pain. I healed better from the later emergency section, but the elective never stopped hurting and I struggled for months.

There wasn't much discussion around it - the doctors decided it west best and I was too anxious after previous m/c to have my own opinion. (The hospital specialised in c-sections though so the majority of births there were by elective section.)

I very much regretted that at the my DD1 wasn't born by c-section. It would have been a much better experience than the absolute battering and bruising I got from my so-called natural delivery after which I couldn't sit down comfortably for around six months. In hindsight, I now know that I should have been more insistent about a caesarean.

DD3 was my caesarean delivery. Emergency caesarean, but a far, far better experience than either of my other two. If I could have my time again I would have them all by caesarean.

I hated myself for years after my emcs, I beat myself up for my body not doing what it was born to do. I would have given everything to have had a vb. I'm sure it contributed to my pnd.

Had 4 emergency sections and don’t regret any of them. I was too small to give birth naturally but I am glad now.

Do you know what always stands out to me in these threads, is the amount of guilt we place on ourselves. Like one of my friends was saying recently that she was annoyed her vb wasn't what she'd hoped and she was like women have been doing this for centuries. But in reality women literally just died in childbirth for centuries. When I think about that it takes some of the pressure off that we should all be sailing through labour and birth like it's nothing.

God no. My first was an EMCS so no regrets there, it was necessary, but what little I experienced of labour was fucking horrible and I had no desire to go back and do that again. My second was an ELCS, brilliant, civilised, excellent recovery and would thoroughly recommend.

No one I've talked to has had a 'nice' VB. Various tears and traumas. Bloody awful.

I kind of went through this with my first birth - at 41 weeks plus 5 days i laboured on and off for 48 hours but only dilated to 6cm. I had caught an infection and was on antibiotics anyway and couldn’t be induced and baby was becoming distressed - so they decided to give me a c section as I then reached 42 weeks

it took me a while to get over the above - like I should have stuck with it for another day or so. But at the time I agreed to a c section because the alternative was seeming too risky with all of the above. So I made the best decision I could for the health of my baby

I’ve just had our second and I actually wanted to try Vnac initially. But the decision was taken out of my hands as I had gestational diabetes this time so needed to have an elective at 39 weeks

Weirdly this time I was fine with this. Yes I haven’t actually pushed the baby out but I’ve gone through contractions etc and actually, far more importantly, I’ve been a mum to an almost 4 year old and now a 2 month old - making daily sacrifices and Woking my butt off to do the best by them

this time around my recovery has also been a lot slower than with my first as I’ve needed to do drop off etc. and I got an infection in my c section wound six weeks in which was excruciating - an ambulance was called to my house by 111. So a C-section isn’t necessarily a walk in the park either.

Anyway I and you are just as worthy as any mum who pushed their baby out for a few hours

Not a chance. I’ve done VB, emergency CS and elective CS. It was glorious and I look back on the other two as kind of barbaric in comparison, especially the VB.

I think it’s because the MW said you could’ve delivered in 30 mins. If she had said thank goodness you chose c sec due to x,y, z then you’d think differently.

All that matters is that you and baby are safe and well.

I had c sec and have no regrets at all.

I had a category 1 section and an elective section. I do not regret it at all, not even a little bit. They gave me my babies, I am over 10 years down the line and ultimately those c-sections allowed me to have all the life and memories we've made over those years.
I think the midwife was less than helpful by saying you'd have delivered in 30 mins. My first child was on target to be delivered naturally in 30 mins too, it's on my notes. Then 5 mins after that note my child's heart rate dropped dramatically and I was whisked off for the cat 1 section, he was born 9 minutes after that with me under GA. My point is she doesn't know really if you would have delivered in 30 mins with no bother or not so try not to dwell on that.
Your birth story is your birth story and it's how your child arrived, sounds perfect to me.

I've had a very traumatic emergency CS for first dd, a planned CS for 2nd dd and was booked for another CS for my 3rd.....ds decided to arrive 5 weeks early and I was allowed a trial of labour and I gave birth vaginally ( only needing gas and air)
it was a brilliant experience all round and helped me to heal emotionally from the memories of my first delivery , but I would have been happy with either delivery it it meant my baby was born safely and we both survived

Yes, you can request a c section now and should be spoken to about the benefits/risks then ultimately offered one if you push for it. In my experience they don’t make this widely known during your pregnancy, but it’s in NHS guidance.

My daughter nearly died due to mismanaged VB. She needed paeds follow up for over a year to see if there were long lasting repercussions. I have significant birth injuries 5 years on.

I'm trying to not take it the wrong way that you feel jealous even of VBs that went wrong but it's difficult not to.

Let the people who actually had things go wrong feel regret and jealous over other peoples' birth.

I was you but my first baby and body had other ideas and i was supported with a plan B which meant I had a physiological birth. I think I would also have felt I went against what my body was quite competently doing had the section gone ahead. I have similar feelings having not quite achieved (can't think of a better term at this time of night) the birth I wanted with my second. I think it takes time to comes to term with our choices and/or the circumstances that led to different outcomes. Go easy on yourself and I'd definitely go for a VBAC. To be able to birth your own baby is a wonderful thing and your body is clearly up for it!

It's sad to read your post because you have to admit it doesn't make any real sense. I hope you can get over this, and quickly. You can't change it. You never even wanted a VB to start with, and it was planned cs, but because it turned emergency, you now crave the thing that you never wanted before?

I saw it differently. I had thought about all options and was comfortable. Because of my diabetes A cs was always planned. I ended up emergency, but I'm still ok with that.

Hope you find peace.

No. Haven't regretted it and have never felt a moments 'guilt'. Didn't even know 'CS Guilt' was a thing until I read this post.

My first was a natural delivery that resulted in a severe shoulder distocia, baby had brain damage and a two week nicu stay and I have PTSD even now four years later. I was bloody lucky, in the old days both myself and my first baby would likely be dead. My baby was bloody lucky that she by chance was born in a hospital that specialised in neonatal care and she is fine. I was so scarred by it all I almost didn't have my second child and was terrified throughout my entire pregnancy.

My second child was born by elective c-section. Am I a little bit disappointed that I didn't get to do it naturally again but it all be fine - yes in all honesty. Do I regret that my second child was born alive and without brain damage - no not for a second.

The grass is always greener and you have no way of knowing what would have actually happened in those 30 minutes. You are assuming that it would have all been fine but you can't actually know that it would have been. You don't want a birth story like mine, you really don't. Acknowledge the regret that you didn't get the birth you now think you would have liked, think of the truly amazing job you did growing your lovely baby and be pleased that you chose to birth that baby in a safe way. Everyone is alive and everyone is ok, at the end of the day it really is all that matters.

Couple of “regretted” VBs here (wish had realised earlier that ELCS was way to go!). Say this not to deny your feelings but to observe that we all have our regrets, anxieties and fears in parenting. Start as you want to go on: let go of “the right way” and embrace “everybody fed, nobody dead” type thinking. Parenting is MUCH more fun when you let go of guilt and fretting (saving worry for the small number of really really big things that may appear).