Difficult birth, stuck in hospital all week, help me vent!

[rosemarycait96]

Our little boy arrived Sunday evening after a very fast and dramatic labour. Got to hospital feeling quite zen, using TENS machine etc but my stats were awful on arrival - raised heart rate, high BP, had an infection and temperature, and baby became distressed not long after. I shot from 2cm to 10 in 1 hour, leg stirrups and a ventouse happened and I ended up shoving him out with no pain relief. I also haemorrhaged and needed a managed 3rd stage. It turns out I'd developed pre eclampsia during labour, hence the madness. Wow. Thanks kid 😂

SO after all that, I obviously had to be admitted. I'm still here with no sign of release, and super frustrated! My BP has been borderline the whole time and they've only just put me on tablets to help with that, despite days of evidence that I clearly needed them. Blood thinning injections, intravenous antibiotics, blood tests, tablets, stockings, constant prodding and poking... On top of that, little boy is cluster feeding all night, every night. The midwives had to take him into another room last night so I could actually get some rest after 4 colostrum syringes and 4 feeds in 1 hour wasn't enough to settle him. I've actually had it. 😂 The midwives are absolutely amazing, I literally can't fault them. I'm just upset to be sat here, bored, but also trying to process such a difficult birth experience (we had envisioned an unassisted water birth with no medical intervention) while learning how to parent an adorable but fussy, ventoused newborn.

I understand how it all turned out the way it did and the actual hospital stay isn't that bad, but I keep randomly crying and missing my husband and wishing my body wasn't such a dick. I hate how time moves so slowly here and I hate being alone all night having flashbacks and trying to feed on sore boobs while other people and their babies are also going through recovery in the same room.

Anyone else in a similar situation or experienced something like this? How long did you stay, how was it once you got home? It feels like hospital isn't a real place and I'm not a proper mum yet, I can't wait to be at home, in bed with my little family.

Oh wow that's such a horrible experience.

I don't have much advice except that apart from the obvious, your hormones are all over the place at the moment, add into that some lovely sleep deprivation and being in tears isn't such a stretch.

You ARE a proper mum and you WILL be home soon with your beautiful baby. All of this will soon be a distant memory. 💐

Ah OP you are all of us in the first days after a baby! Not everyone has had quite as much of a rollercoaster to get there as you have, it sounds like you'll have a lot to unpack in your mind when things settle down, but wanting to be at home, needing a good cry and feeling like you're in limbo are all completely normal.
That also means that when you do get home, it WILL be normal - this will be a tiny little speedbump at the start of this new adventure for you all and I promise in a year, or 2 or 5 or 10 years time, you won't even think of it unless someone asks about your birth experience. When you do get home though, you might still feel a bit teary and a bit out of it, so don't feel like you have to have it all nailed down from day one.
Have you got headphones with you? A few decent podcasts might help to lift you out of the chaos of the maternity ward - the Diary of a CEO ones are great and have such varied guests on you're sure to find something good to keep your mind focused.
What helped for me too was once I got home, I sent a card and a massive box of treats to the maternity ward to thank them for looking after us both, it felt like it helped me to draw a line under the experience and that it gave me a bit of control over having had to stay for longer than planned (similar to you - tricky birth and elongated stay!)
Congratulations on your new arrival, he's going to have such a lovely life with you xxx

I think for now op you request a formal debrief in relation to the birth with a specialist midwife. Also ask for the consultant to come and see you to explain the medication, why it wasn't given straight away and what will be recommended for discharge and of course ask for an estimate of when you will be discharged and why it might be delayed.

I am sorry you have had a rough time. Bonding can take a while after a difficult birth and post partum period.

Thanks all, it's been a little rough, latest cherry on top being blood thinner injections into my thigh that I'll be self administering once I'm home...

@RosesAndHellebores thank you, I do think I need to talk to someone about it properly, the doctor did come in and talk to me shortly afterwards, but I was still in the delivery room and still in shock to be honest so I just nodded along with it and didn't ask any questions.

Good idea on the podcasts - today is the first day I've managed to settle little boy long enough to leave the room, think ill be safe popping my headphones in. Its just hard to switch off in here!

And yeah, I'll definitely be giving a card and gift to the ward and my midwife, her quick thinking through the whole thing probably saved our lives.

Being observed on some BP tablets till tomorrow, fingers crossed I'll be headed home after that. 👍

Oh my love, honestly your response is so normal. If it's any consolation you'd be bursting into tears daily anyway even if you were at home. Postnatal is a very rough couple of months.
I also had 8 days in hospital after my first. She was on SCBU for the first five. It was so so hard, I totally understand how you feel.
Just keep getting through the next five minutes and get any support you can while there from the team on feeding, baby care and anything else.
Keep this in mind: life is long. These first days don't and won't define you and your little one. You have the rest of your lives together. It's not been the dream start but keep plodding onwards. Happier times are ahead. Every bit of parenting is a stage; if you're ever going through a rough bit, a better bit is just around the corner.
Hang in there xxx

Congrats on your baby boy! If it helps, an unmedicated water birth rarely happens for a first baby - you have an equal chance of c-section, instrumental, or spontaneous vaginal (a third each). And even with the latter, many have interventions like induction, epidurals, transfer to labour ward for risk factors and so on. Sometimes I feel the midwives aren’t very honest about this.

I was in for a week after having DD, she was an induced 37 weeker with jaundice and feeding problems. I remember being so desperate to get home, but it meant by the time I did I was ready. The ladies in my NCT group who went home after a few hours or one night seemed to regret it, there were a few tearful posts in the few days after about ‘not knowing what I’m doing’ and feeling alone. Make the most of the help of the midwives and you’ll be home before you know it! 💐

I just wanted to pop back on and thank you for your comments on my post - they gave me a lot of comfort as the week progressed. We made it home late Thursday night.

I was able to get hold of a doctor on the ward and we spent ages going through my birth notes, graphs, all of my BP and other observations for my labour. She explained everything to me and it has really helped me process things. Still feeling quite raw, but understanding exactly how things turned out the way they did was super helpful.

We ended up finding a BP tablet that had helped it stabilise. BUT shortly after I posted here, they noticed my pulse was majorly high - resting at 174bpm for no apparent reason. Everyone panicked, I had an arterial blood gas test, MRI, heart echo, and more blood tests, and they couldn't narrow down a cause so we waited for it to get less dangerously high before they admitted defeat and finally let me go home. The doctors have put it all down to the way my body reacts to labour.

What a start to motherhood! Bubba has been grizzly and hard to soothe so sleep has been hard to come by, but we're doing good.

Thanks everyone 😁💕