Finding it hard to forget cord prolapse/ birth

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We have an amazing baby and incredibly delighted all is well, nearly 1 now and yet I simply struggle to forget his birth and how dangerous it ended up . At the time I was offered counselling and was so grateful baby was kept safe I said it wasn’t needed. But it’s really surprised me that I still have slight a shadow over me and for example I don’t like my scar much and associate it with slight trauma I think .it all happened so quickly and I was put under anaesthetic so fast by an amazing medical team is it normal to still be thinking about it a lot all these months on?
often my thoughts are positive in that I just marvel in baby and that everything is well, but I think it has affected me a lot more than I realise .

It would be worth having a birth debrief and take any counselling offered.

I had a debrief around 2 years after a traumatic birth experience and had specialist midwife led counselling. I then had a lot of support with my second pregnancy.

It still affects me nearly 9 years later so I'm considering getting some help again.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I do think it's quite common. My DC is 18 months and had to spend 2 weeks in intensive care when he was born, it was the worst time in my life and I still cry when I think about it even though he's perfectly healthy now.
I think with other traumatic events that have happened in my life I have been able to move on but with this one I have a reminder whenever I look at him or pictures of him.
Im thinking about going to get some counselling if I don't feel better come summer

Thanks for the reply and I’m so sorry it’s still affecting you years on ; it sounds a good idea to get help again . Mine is more just a low unease almost , and yes maybe it’s a good idea to talk about it again. My really lovely midwife has been so kind and explained exactly what happened and yet it is still somehow there a bit more in my head than I expected it to be when I’m enjoying baby so much and should have it behind me

Talk about it. Get some help. These are textbook feelings for when you think you should feel grateful that everything turned out ok, and you are but my goodness it does affect you because of what could have happened, what did happen and how it turned out. Please talk about it. I nearly died during the birth of my second 11 years ago, have never ever dealt with it or talked about it, both me and my husband still get flashbacks now.

Do the debrief and counselling.

I thought I had processed and got past the distress of dc1's birth. I didn't realise that it still occupied too much space in my head until 2y later, when I was in the 3rd trimester with dc2. The debrief was amazing, and freed me to go on to have a far better experience with dc2's labour and birth.

I think it's normal and it can take time for the dust to settle enough for you to process what's happened. This is really common, a lot of the time after something really traumatic the person is so glad it's over and they're alive etc that it's only later it clicks that it was actually really hard and distressing even though it all worked out well in the end up. So what you're describing makes absolute sense. I'd suggest a midwife debrief and some counselling. Your birth can be empowering because you survived it and it shows how strong you are while also being traumatic and not the experience you'd hoped for. One doesn't cancel the other out so it's perfectly understandable to feel a mixture of emotions that change over time.

Hi op,
I hear that ‘ I should have it behind me’ very loudly in your last post.
I had 2 children - both usual length labours and hard. I had some stitches and lots of pain but then recovered. I look back on the births as positive. My third and last labour left me in shock. But for no explicable reason. On paper it looked like a good labour and birth. Nothing dramatic happened but for some reason, I experienced it as traumatic. I think it was a bit fast, I think my ‘feel good’ hormones weren’t flowing. I don’t know. The pain felt different. I was scared.
its hard to articulate. I suppose I’m trying to say, you don’t ‘have’ to be past anything nor ‘should’ you be. I didn’t have anything go wrong but still I felt traumatised.

You had a very scary experience: it felt dangerous. And yes; you are fine and your baby is fine. But that fear, doesn’t just disappear. It came up in your body that day and is something you have to process. It makes a lot of sense to me that you can’t just shake it. I just want you to know that you are totally normal and sane.

is there anyone you could talk to?

I am really moved by the kindness of each of your replies, thank you so much . I felt emotional they meant so much. You have each helped me and I really appreciate your goodness , thank you .

It’s normal to feel unease or trauma after a birth that didn’t go to plan even if it ended well. If the help is offered for you then I would definitely take it. I had a dreadful labour, birth and neo-natal experience and when I asked for debriefs or help, it felt like they put every blocker and delay in place to prevent it happening.