Hi Brio
I didn't post on your original thread but your experience sounds similar to mine. I'm sorry that you had a lousy time. For me, the hardest thing was feeling that all this stuff was being done to me.
I thought I would share some of my post-experience as I wish I had had better preparation.
The stitches dissolved / got pulled out, and it probably took about 12 weeks to heal properly. I can't even feel the scar now.
I think you are right to focus on the miracle of your DS.
I resisted getting pregnant again for a long and while, but am now 24 weeks and facing my birth fears again.
I still burst into tears sometimes when I talk about it, and one thing my new mw has suggested is that I should have had a meeting with the hospital to understand what had happened and why. That way, I could probably have dealt wiht the trauma rather than burying it. Is this something you could consider?
This time, I have a meeting with a consultant at 34 weeks to discuss what can be done to make the birth less traumatic, and make me feel more in control.
Enjoy your first weeks with your DS.