Third Baby after 2 3rd degree tears, VB or CS?

[Aria095]

I had 3rd degree tear with first daughter 2019. I was on all fours but she had her hand on her face so presumed that is why I tore so bad. Also apparently I have a short perineum…

My second daughter was born 2021, 17 months later. I had no complications from first tear and was advised it’s extremely rare to tear badly a second time. Birthed on all fours (again helps reduce tearing) midwives tried to apply compression but baby was already crowning when we arrived at the hospital so not much time to do that, 3a tear again, didn’t even get to feed baby before being taken to theatre for repair, very sad being whisked away from baby again, was quite disappointed as everyone had said how uncommon it is to tear that bad a second time. Didn’t help me feel sorry for myself.

Im pregnant with my third baby now, still no complications from tears, but now weighing up my options more seriously this time. I’d rather not have c-section but if I had a seriously bad tear again or worse, and end up with major incontinance issues chances are I will regret not having a c-section every day for the rest of my life. I know you can still get issues with c-section, but it’s weighing up the risks…

I know here is no right or wrong choice, just go with what gives you the most peace. I am interested to know if anyone has had TWO third degree years before and now having a third baby?? It’s so uncommon I think most people don’t tear the second time or had already opted for CS. I can’t find any research on it anywhere online! And no one seems to have experienced it…

@Aria095 I was not aware you were away from baby for so long. I am so sorry.

How it all worked for me with my planned (first baby, transverse lie).

Your arrive at the hospital really early, around 06:00am, you then get allocated your bed (I always had a private room - very lucky). Then the waiting game starts, you're not allowed to eat which is ok due to nerves. Then the anaesthetist explained everything to you and you need to sign your life away. They will shortly after tell you which one your allocated slot is and how many women are in for planned. If there are emergencies, they will be priority.

Once called for, wheeled in, drip, then they'll give you your spinal. My first wasn't painful, my second was for some reason, maybe they rushed more, catheter, chatting away and then they'll start.

A lot of women seem to have a pleasant experience and if you do go down that route, I hope you do but my body seems to have an adverse affect to everything. My blood pressure drops, I sweat so much, I feel sick, I have hot flashes, and arms shake so much, uncontrollably and it's actually quite bad and I always feel like I'm so not in control of my body. With my first, my husband was there all the way until I was fully Stiched up whereas second time around they removed him quite early (after baby was born) but I felt very vulnerable on my own shaking so i would bring that up this time as I don't think they let me try naturally again.

They show you baby soon after it's born, the Simba method. I was never able to hold of breastfeed on the operating table but different hospitals might offer different things.

I had a minor pph with my first, slightly worse with second, and the worst one during my section. They gave me some drug to help stop the bleeding which made me vomit, so I spent 15 mins having my head propped up puking into a bowl. My blood pressure was therefore low and I felt totally out of it the entire time - I couldn’t really see my baby, even though my husband was sitting next to me, holding baby, as I couldn’t focus. The operation took a lot longer than expected because when you are being sick, they of course can’t do anything as all your organs are shifting about. I didn’t get to hold my baby for an hour and a bit, and had to spent longer in recovery than I had imagined. I had hoped to get up that day, but they wouldn’t let me try to stand until 24hours later, and it was agonisingly painful trying to move.

I know this all sounds like it was awful, but please don’t be put off by it. Most planned sections don’t go the way mine did for a start. When my husband collected me 48 hours after the op, he said I looked like a different person, and I was able to walk around pretty much painfree. If I could go back in time and know exactly what would happen during my section, I would still, without question, do it again over risking a tear during a natural birth. My second birth was one of the worst experiences of my life (the speed, out of control feeling, combined with the fear I felt during it, and the horrendous tear, will never leave me) the recovery was long and hard and I ended up with really bad PND.

@CrispyChilliOil Wow that’s crazy… I really hope you’re doing well. It’s seriously amazing what our bodies can cope with… it’s often the mental side of it that’s harder to heal.
Yes it all sounds really awful, the fact you still would choose that experience of an c section again is seriously amazing, and encouraging.

Definitely go for the c section, your pelvic floor has suffered enough and c sections are a dream to recover from compared with a third degree tear.

I'm in a similar situation to you (although my 2nd was a 2nd degree tear. First was forcep and episiotomy. My second was also 9.5 pounds and I'm worried if this is another boy he's going to weigh more. Wondering whether to do another natural birth or go for a c section. So hard to predict how it's going to go.

@Lizbiz89 Yrs it’s a hard call to make. Perhaps with your baby they could do a growth scan to see how big baby is tracking to be and that might help you decide? I will opt for c section for mine, at this stage!

Sorry this is a very late reply but if you are around on here still, what did you opt for in the end?

I ended up choosing a c section, the recovery was simpler compared to the tears.
Im grateful for the option of elective c section.
If was lucky enough to have another baby I’m not sure what I would do. Being quite a long time since my last VD I perhaps would consider natural again, as I birth well…
the pain relief after c section isn’t something i was keen on as I breastfed but i had to take it after the surgeries for tears anyway.

I would recommend to anyone reading this, consider your own experiences above anyone else’s. Go with your gut. And do not make decisions based on fear or shame.

Thank you for your reply! It's interesting you'd consider a VB again for future. Thank you also for the nugget/insight to not choose out of fear/shame x