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Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Consultant not supporting birth choice

38 replies

Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 12:10

Hi all,
Just got back from an antenatal appointment and feel so upset and belittled.
Currently 30 weeks with second baby, first was ELCS due to being breech. At the beginning of this pregnancy we met with a consultant who said we had a choice between VBAC or second ELCS. They gave us some information to read and said to have a think about it.
We've done a lot of reading and thinking, and ultimately have chosen a second ELCS.
Today at my appointment, different consultant, I stated my choice. She spent the next 10 minutes telling me how VBAC would be better, there was no need for an ELCS this time and I shouldn't get caught up with 'misinformation.' I mentioned I had also discussed it with my rheumatologist and he supported my choice, to which she replied he shouldn't be giving advice because he's not an obstetrician! I was sitting there, totally taken aback, feeling like a naughty child being told off.
The conversation ended with her saying I should go away and have another think about it. She also hasn't seemingly recorded my request on my notes today.
I am so confused. I was asked to make an informed choice, which I have, but apparently now I'm wrong?!
I know ultimately she can't refuse my request, but why is it being made so difficult?
I wondered about asking to change consultants, does anyone know if this is possible or how I would go about this?
I really don't want to spend the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy battling with this person...

OP posts:
MichaelKeaton · 03/02/2023 17:48

Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 17:36

@MichaelKeaton I'm glad you were able to have the birth you wanted. I think I've just dropped unlucky with this particular consultant. I have read sooo many ELCS vs VBAC threads over the last few months and mostly people say their midwives and consultants are supportive either way. It's just so baffling to be given a choice but then being told you picked the wrong answer!

And you will too. But you shouldn’t have been made to feel this way. It’s not uncommon. I was surprised not to be given a rollicking for wanting a section with no medical ‘need’ (other than for my own mental health, though this is completely valid).

Original poster
Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 17:51

@Sucessinthenewyear I really tried to say this today! Have another appointment in 4 weeks so will have to say it more firmly!

OP posts:
lipstickwoman · 03/02/2023 18:02

Nowthenhere · 03/02/2023 17:43

Consultants are neither family or friends. They are people who have trained at least half a decade to perform surgery.

You are a customer of this surgeon. They want to operate on you as that is the job they are paid for.

Your body knows how to birth. You know what is best for your family. You do the 'letting' and the consenting and the allowing.

No one else.
No one.

Tell the surgeon what you have decided. Continue to do what you want based on the evidence based research you have done.

Do not be swayed.
Trust yourself.

What will follow is threats of risk to your health and baby. You need to know the evidence and statistics to confirm that this is not what is best for your family but you do not answer to the surgeon.

S/he answers to you.

If you were in a supermarket at the manager said that you must buy potatoes despite not wanting potatoes and told you that he knows best, you'd roll your eyes. You know that being sold potatoes is great for their business but you do not want them or need them.

Stop letting businesses dictate to you.

I couldn't disagree more. Consultant Obstetricians train for years to provide the best care for mothers and their babies.. they are not on piece work, and do not get paid per surgery.

Perhaps listening to his expertise and having an adult discussion would be a better way forward when making demands when you are not an health expert.

Muu · 03/02/2023 18:17

@lipstickwoman to be fair it sounds like the op did listen to her consultants and made an informed decision as she was asked to.

Beseen22 · 03/02/2023 18:45

I was offered a section for my 2nd as has a 3rd degree tear. It was definitely 100% my choice and if anything I felt a little weird that I was making the decision, I wanted someone else to (to blame if it went wrong probably) but they wouldn't say which one was the best choice for me. They should be glad you are so informed and content with the decision you have made. Ask to change consultant, I wouldn't want to be under this person's care.

ReamsOfCheese · 03/02/2023 18:50

I had the opposite problem. I got Birthrights involved at week 40. They advocated for me to the hospital. I got my VBAC. I hope you get the birth you want. I'd recommend getting in touch with Birthrights if you want to fight this and can't get anywhere with the consultant midwife.

Original poster
Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 20:07

Thank you everyone I do appreciate the support and advice. @ReamsOfCheese I was Googling earlier and came across Birthrights, great to hear they were so helpful to you.

OP posts:
Hairyfairy01 · 03/02/2023 20:37

Sucessinthenewyear · 03/02/2023 17:38

The Dr has to give you the information to make an informed choice. You just need to say I am aware of the risks but I am choosing a ELCS.

This. The doctor clearly didn't think you had the correct / up to date information to make an informed choice today. He has done his job by discussing the matter with you (providing the information) and has rightly given you time to think about it. He hasn't said he won't let you have a c section. He is literally doing his job. Please don't complain.

BentleyRhythmAce · 03/02/2023 20:44

Do complain! They should NOT be making you feel like a stupid naughty child for asking for something you have made an informed choice about, and that you are entitled to. Fuck that.

Mylittlesandwich · 03/02/2023 20:49

I had a similar experience. 1st baby, he was measuring big and I am a plus size mum. In my opinion the risk of shoulder dystocia was too high and I wanted an ELCS. Consultant told me it was risky, I had no higher risk for shoulder dystocia and that if I ever wanted another baby I should have a vaginal delivery. 4 weeks later I spoke to a different consultant who called there and then to book my date. So yeah, just speak to someone different, you'll get the birth you want.

AliceinSlumberland · 03/02/2023 20:55

lipstickwoman · 03/02/2023 16:47

I would be inclined to ask the consultant to explain his reasoning. It might be there are valid reasons you are unaware of.

I don't agree a section is an automatic right/choice but if there are risks with a VB then you are absolutely entitled to a reasonable discussion

It doesn’t matter whether you feel an ELCS should be a right or not - NHS and NICE guidelines disagree with you and women have the right to choose how they give birth.

OP I’m so sorry you experienced this, I’d definitely be asking for a second opinion ASAP, so you can get the ELCS you are absolutely entitled to booked in.

Original poster
Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 21:50

@Hairyfairy01 but I had been given the information previously, which I thought would've been obvious considering I am 30 weeks along and have had a previous section and/ or would've been in my notes. Also, I have absolutely no problem with a reasonable, adult discussion. This unfortunately was not what I experienced today. I was presented with all the benefits of VBAC, all the evils of ELCS and nothing in between. I was spoken to like a child and reprimanded because I had dared to discuss my situation with another medical professional involved in my care. I left feeling belittled, confused and upset. I hate confrontation and don't like to 'rock the boat', I'm not normally a complainer. But what happened today wasn't fair, and wasn't right. And I don't want to be put in that situation again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy304 · 07/02/2023 15:54

Hi all, little update.
I went back to the Antenatal Clinic today for a different appointment and whilst I was there mentioned how I had been left feeling on Friday.
I was able to speak with the Head Midwife, long story short she was lovely and has moved me to a different consultant.
It was such a weight off my mind and I am no longer dreading my next appointment.
Thank you so much to everyone who replied encouraging me to speak up and pointing me in the right direction x

OP posts:
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