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Original poster

Consultant not supporting birth choice

38 replies

Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 12:10

Hi all,
Just got back from an antenatal appointment and feel so upset and belittled.
Currently 30 weeks with second baby, first was ELCS due to being breech. At the beginning of this pregnancy we met with a consultant who said we had a choice between VBAC or second ELCS. They gave us some information to read and said to have a think about it.
We've done a lot of reading and thinking, and ultimately have chosen a second ELCS.
Today at my appointment, different consultant, I stated my choice. She spent the next 10 minutes telling me how VBAC would be better, there was no need for an ELCS this time and I shouldn't get caught up with 'misinformation.' I mentioned I had also discussed it with my rheumatologist and he supported my choice, to which she replied he shouldn't be giving advice because he's not an obstetrician! I was sitting there, totally taken aback, feeling like a naughty child being told off.
The conversation ended with her saying I should go away and have another think about it. She also hasn't seemingly recorded my request on my notes today.
I am so confused. I was asked to make an informed choice, which I have, but apparently now I'm wrong?!
I know ultimately she can't refuse my request, but why is it being made so difficult?
I wondered about asking to change consultants, does anyone know if this is possible or how I would go about this?
I really don't want to spend the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy battling with this person...

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 03/02/2023 12:12

Ring PALS and make sure your choice is added to your notes now

PortiasBiscuit · 03/02/2023 12:12

If you want an ELBC have one, just shut down the conversation if it starts up again.

thosethreewords · 03/02/2023 15:04

OP, I've just myself got back from antenatal clinic having asked to change consultants. It was easy and the midwife was very supportive. I asked for the same reason as you did, because I didn't feel like the initial consultant was very supportive of my birth decision. I came out feeling amazing, as the next consultant was wonderful. Please ask to change!

WooWooWinnie · 03/02/2023 15:10

Absolutely ask to change consultant. It’s fine.

Original poster
Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 15:10

@thosethreewords thank you. Please can you tell me, who did you ask about changing? Your community midwife or someone at the hospital?

OP posts:
MichaelKeaton · 03/02/2023 15:36

I hate it when women are infantilised like this and treated as though they’re unable to make their own informed choices.

Stick to it, OP. Get tough. PALS, request a different consultant, be vocal. Get the birth you want.

2bazookas · 03/02/2023 15:39

Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 15:10

@thosethreewords thank you. Please can you tell me, who did you ask about changing? Your community midwife or someone at the hospital?

You can just ask the first consultant to refer you for a second opinion . Its very straight forward, I've done it twice.

thosethreewords · 03/02/2023 15:44

@Lucy304 I asked the midwife who saw me at the hospital. It was very easy.

Feliciacat · 03/02/2023 15:48

No advice to add but just wanted to thank you all for this thread; I want ELCS as my birth choice and I was worried it would be refused. Now I know what to do if I get refused. Also very good to see so many people being non-judgemental about ELCS.

Original poster
Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 16:24

Thanks to everyone who's replied to my thread, yes I do need to toughen up! Just was caught off-guard earlier, it never crossed my mind that I would receive that reaction.
I was upset initially, now I am just mad at myself for just sitting there mutely and taking it!it

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 03/02/2023 16:31

Medicine isn't an exact science so doctor's opinoons can differ. I cant see the point of a C section unless its advised. So by all means get another opinion. To be fair the consultant only asked you tothink again which is reasonable

Original poster
Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 16:42

@Viviennemary I was given the option initially as I am at higher risk due to previous ELCS and a chronic health condition. So I feel (and the first consultant obviously felt) that there is potentially a need. I was given a choice, and made that choice after reading all the literature and thinking about very little else since my first appointment 18 weeks ago!

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 03/02/2023 16:44

Viviennemary · 03/02/2023 16:31

Medicine isn't an exact science so doctor's opinoons can differ. I cant see the point of a C section unless its advised. So by all means get another opinion. To be fair the consultant only asked you tothink again which is reasonable

The OP doesn’t need another opinion , she has made up her mind having already been told to think about it which she has done . What she needs is a consultant that respects her decision not one that tells her to go away and think again because they obviously disagree with her already informed decision .

lipstickwoman · 03/02/2023 16:47

I would be inclined to ask the consultant to explain his reasoning. It might be there are valid reasons you are unaware of.

I don't agree a section is an automatic right/choice but if there are risks with a VB then you are absolutely entitled to a reasonable discussion

mumoffourminimes · 03/02/2023 16:51

I'm sorry you've been treated like this OP. I would call PALS and give some feedback. You can also call the matron or h of m to discuss it. It's their job to advocate for you.

Original poster
Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 16:56

@Floralnomad thank you. I'm starting to get the feeling some posters aren't reading the whole original post...

OP posts:
mumoffourminimes · 03/02/2023 17:06

Head of midwifery can arrange a consultant who will support your choice.

Does that answer the original query?

Moomoo2o22 · 03/02/2023 17:09

I had the same issue my consultant did not support my decision to have an ELCS she was awful and a bully! I spoke to my midwife and she requested my consultant be changed. My next consultant was lovely and booked my c section in for me. It's your right to give birth how you choose you will get push back because unfortunately cost now comes before health but stand your ground and be firm.

mumoffourminimes · 03/02/2023 17:14

Moomoo2o22 · 03/02/2023 17:09

I had the same issue my consultant did not support my decision to have an ELCS she was awful and a bully! I spoke to my midwife and she requested my consultant be changed. My next consultant was lovely and booked my c section in for me. It's your right to give birth how you choose you will get push back because unfortunately cost now comes before health but stand your ground and be firm.

It's not about cost, most UK hospitals are a CS rate above 50% now. It's about litigation risk which is ultimately a cost I suppose.

MichaelKeaton · 03/02/2023 17:16

I had a section because I wanted a section. I just really, really didn’t fancy a vaginal birth. At all.

Some people disagree with my choices (which they’re perfectly entitled to do, so long as I don’t have to hear about it) but they were totally valid and I was supported entirely by the consultants.

Your choice is your choice. They’ll make sure you’re informed but that’s where their own personal views should end. And if they can’t separate themselves, they should hand you over to another consultant.

Original poster
Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 17:21

@mumoffourminimes yes thank you. A few people have suggested PALS so I think I will start there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy304 · 03/02/2023 17:36

@MichaelKeaton I'm glad you were able to have the birth you wanted. I think I've just dropped unlucky with this particular consultant. I have read sooo many ELCS vs VBAC threads over the last few months and mostly people say their midwives and consultants are supportive either way. It's just so baffling to be given a choice but then being told you picked the wrong answer!

OP posts:
Sucessinthenewyear · 03/02/2023 17:38

The Dr has to give you the information to make an informed choice. You just need to say I am aware of the risks but I am choosing a ELCS.

CrescentMoons · 03/02/2023 17:41

Floralnomad · 03/02/2023 12:12

Ring PALS and make sure your choice is added to your notes now

This and make a complaint

Nowthenhere · 03/02/2023 17:43

Consultants are neither family or friends. They are people who have trained at least half a decade to perform surgery.

You are a customer of this surgeon. They want to operate on you as that is the job they are paid for.

Your body knows how to birth. You know what is best for your family. You do the 'letting' and the consenting and the allowing.

No one else.
No one.

Tell the surgeon what you have decided. Continue to do what you want based on the evidence based research you have done.

Do not be swayed.
Trust yourself.

What will follow is threats of risk to your health and baby. You need to know the evidence and statistics to confirm that this is not what is best for your family but you do not answer to the surgeon.

S/he answers to you.

If you were in a supermarket at the manager said that you must buy potatoes despite not wanting potatoes and told you that he knows best, you'd roll your eyes. You know that being sold potatoes is great for their business but you do not want them or need them.

Stop letting businesses dictate to you.