Positive stories of birth after episiotomy

[BourbonBiscuits20]

Sorry for the long thread title but I couldn't really think of a more succinct name!
Feeling really hormonal and sad tonight and hoping someone might have some positive experiences to cheer me up!

I'm pregnant with DC3 and feeling a lot of emotion about my prev births.
EMCS with first, with my second I wanted a waterbirth and was told no because of covid. So the single request I had was not to give birth on my back.
During labour the midwife essentially forced me to be on my back and in the moment/with the pain and gas and air I couldn't really protest very eloquently (though I did try) and she ended up giving me an episiotomy although I said no.

I'm just feeling gutted that I feel my previous births choices were taken from me that may affect this birth. I'm despairing that I'll tear badly at the prev episiotomy site or be given another one!

Did anyone have an episiotomy and go on to give birth without it tearing open?

Yes. I had an episiotomy with my 1st but nothing with subsequent babies. Some grazing and slight nicks but no stitches. I also ended up on my back for my 1st because they pushed pethidine on me and I wasn't supported through the pain after travelto hospital. If you find your midwife is pushing for you to be on your back ask for a change and make sure your birthing partner knows to advocate for you. Practice saying what you want with him reinforcing it so you are united.

Hope you have a better experience this time.

I had an episiotomy with first then had a tear with second but not along the original scar so think it would have happened regardless.

Thanks so much for the replies it gives me hope!
@SMabbutt sounds like we had some similarities in experiences! I did actually say I didn't want to change position/was comfortable how I was etc but she was saying I needed to get my pelvis 'opened more' I've since found out the position I was in would do nothing of the sort! Think DH was a bit traumatised from DC1 and I don't think I really emphasised to him to help speak up for me but he knows this time! It's a shame I would need to prep him as I did several times try to state my wishes but I think in the final throws of labour and with gas and air it's definitely easy to be pushed around a bit.
I can't help but 'what if' that if I had never been in that position would I have even ended up with the episiotomy

Had episiotomy for DC1 (and was in agony when they made me lie on my back for examination); when I had DT had no time for anything or any meds (though was on my back because of monitoring) - I did tear but not badly and not on scar; needed a few stitches and it hurt a lot less generally than w DC1.

I had four and then a tear with DC5.

I don't know if the tear went anywhere near the previous scars.

All five tines I healed nicely.

Thank you again for responses, it's meaning a lot to me in my emotional state tonight

An episiotomy is really quite standard for a first delivery and nothing to get too upset about. Very few people get their exact birth preferences, so don’t be down about it.

Thanks @Cuppasoupmonster. A friend of mine has just had her perfect home-birth experience with her first and although I'm happy for her it unexpectedly has brought up a lot of old emotions for me from the previous times. Really thought I'd moved past it all!

@Cuppasoupmonster are you a medical professional?

Why do I need to be? Many women have episiotomies, they’re not pleasant but you seem to be quite fixated on it like they’re rare/very unlucky. I’m just reassuring you that they’re not.

I had an episiotomy with my first (and forceps and a tear). For my second I had a lovely homebirth and only got out the pool for the last 2 mins (my choice). I did tear but no where near as bad as the first time (did need a few stitches) and felt completely normal the day after birth and didn’t need any pain killers. Unlike my first birth where I was taking max dose of paracetamol and ibuprofen for months due to the pain.

I had an episiotomy and a second degree tear with DC1 and a second degree tear with DC2 whose labour was much easier and faster.

I had an episiotomy for my first. I had a second degree tear with my second but not along the episiotomy scar. My recovery from the tear was far easier than from the episiotomy.

Have you had a post birth debrief? You might find it helpful to go through exactly what happened with someone senior. I was really anxious during my second pregnancy and it did help me.

I had an episiotomy with my first, but did not have one or tear with my second. Good luck, I hope you have a better birth experience this time.

Episiotomy with my first, no episiotomy/ tear with second.

I had episiotomy for first birth in 2012. I've had 2 more babies within a decade from there and no intervention. You've got this x

Episiotomies are not standard for first deliveries, the only time they are ‘standard’ is with assisted deliveries to accommodate the instruments and help to prevent worse tearing. Episiotomies in ‘normal’ deliveries are actually quite uncommon.

OP previous perineal trauma is very common and often has no issues for subsequent births as everything tends to stretch easier having already done so previously. Yes the scar tissue might be a weak point and more likely to tear but it’s not for certain and if you’re worried your midwife could offer to support your perineum during crowning. I would mention it to your midwife at the time if it’s worrying you but honestly midwives don’t generally suggest an episiotomy unless it really is the safest option for you/baby.

I was very anxious about giving birth after my first DC (spinal block, forceps and episiotomy)

Dc2 birth could not have been more perfect, I was standing which I think helped, and in a birthing room. Only a tiny bit of grazing. Felt amazing by the next day. Even wanted sex which didn't happen for about 6 months after first. (Obviously didn't have sex)

I felt much more in control.

Both times I had not birth plan, as a doctor friend told me it was pointless. When it come to it, they will do what is medically necessary

@IncredibleSulk half of all first vaginal births are instrumental deliveries so they are quite standard. Definitely not unusual.

I had forceps and an episiotomy with my first, then a second degree tear with my second. However midwife said the tear was likely because DS had it hand on his face as he came out! He was also over 9lbs! Was absolutely fine through and healed well.

DC1 EMCS
DC2 VBAC episiotomy
DC3 (6 months ago) another vaginal birth with a couple of grazes that needed a few stitches.

I had an episiotomy and forceps with my first DC and for DC2 i had a two hour labour and small tear. I couldn't believe how different my second birth was. I was anxious too but it was definitely so much better.

@Cuppasoupmonster read my post. You stated that episiotomies are standard for first deliveries. They are never standard for normal births (which the OP had) regardless of parity, they are standard for assisted deliveries as I went on to say. The OP isn’t worried about having an assisted delivery and inevitable episiotomy, she is worried about having a normal birth with an avoidable episiotomy.

Stop normalising medicalisation of childbirth and unnecessary intervention. It’s scaremongering.

Why was it avoidable?

Do you think her Caesarian was unnecessary?

@Cuppasoupmonster Do they ask for consent before doing an episiotomy?