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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Hi! Has anyone had any experience with delivering with vaginusmus?

44 replies

Kardelen · 15/01/2023 17:31

I have vaginismus, was too embarrassed to disclose it on my first birth. So it became a very traumatic experience as they kept wanting to do vaginal examinations. When I was having contractions they just left me until I started screaming my head off from pain. Which to they still said they have to examine but when they did I was 10cm and couldn’t feel much of it from the pain. They ended up giving me a spinal, but then had to have episiotomy and had instrumental delivery. Also had retained placenta.

I chose another hospital this time round, and spoke to them about it. Was adamant to have c section this time round but after reading pros and cons I was Indecisive. Spoke to the doctor who said she promises I can have early epidural if I have contractions, and they can do the checks then.

but when I spoke to the midwife she said they’ll need to know if I have dilated before giving the epidural.

im absolutely petrified now. Has anyone had any experiences with child birth and vaginismus?

thank you

OP posts:

Wowzel · 15/01/2023 17:41

I haven’t got any experience with vaginismus, but i did end up with a c section - and was so relieved to have it. Don't discount it if you want one

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 15/01/2023 17:44

I haven't but I can't recommend enough the Hypnobirthing book by Siobhan Miller. Please don't be misled by the title thinking wishy washy woo nonsense (i really wish hynobirthing had a diff name as its not hypnosis at all) she goes into the biology of the labour process and the breathing exercises are really helpful. I ended up getting the app too and practised listening to the guided meditations while lying in the bath throughout my pregnancy.
It massively helped my Labour- I was gutted I couldn't have the water birth I wanted as he was born virtually the second we arrived at the hospital but at least I got to start the labour in the bath at home.
I'm not sure if its her or one of the other books I read where they had a much better birth after 2 traumatic births.
I wasn't into all of it- like I'm not calling contractions "waves" and all the other alternative names they had for parts of labour but I'm 100% sure I had a better labour cos of it.
More relaxed Mum- more oxytocin- smoother labour
Stressed Mum- more adrenaline to slow labour down.
Wish you all the best.

bologneseandbabies · 15/01/2023 20:34

You do not have to have vaginal exams at all, full stop. You can just say, no thank you. Put it in your birth plan.

I'm quite surprised that the midwife you spoke to didn't jump to tell you this after you told her you had vaginismus.

The vaginal exams are completely optional. I didn't have any at all, literally just because I've had some previous unpleasant experiences with a very clumsy doctor, and also because I just KNEW I wouldn't want anyone poking around my cervix during labour.

Lots of sexual assault victims also decline vaginal exams.

It's perfectly acceptable, and any good midwife knows different techniques for knowing how far along you are in labour. The noises your making, the 'purple line', the rhombus of Michaelis.

I can see why they might need to do one if you're already in labour when you have a C-section, but other than that, no.

bologneseandbabies · 15/01/2023 20:35

Also, yes, agree with pp - hypnobirthing is absolutely brilliant.

20thcenturygirlwithherhandsonthewheel · 15/01/2023 20:36

Hi, I have vaginismus and requested a c section. The midwives kept pushing for me to have a vaginal birth and in the end the consultant put her foot down and insisted they book me in for a c section.

roughoption · 15/01/2023 20:50

Not an experience with vaginal birth but thought I would share as it might be useful.

I had 1 sweep which was okay and then they attempted another but were unable to. I got to 41+5 and went in to be in induced, waited around for 24 hours, they decided balloon induction for me, they were unable to insert balloon. I was given gas and air and a few attempts. They were unable to even do a sweep by this point. They basically told me I needed to relax and let them do it, I physically was doing everything possible and even with gas and air it wasn't working. I asked for a discussion about a c section, consultant came down and agreed and section was best and they would do it in the morning (42 weeks). I self discharged for the night to recover from the horrific time I had in hospital with short staff levels; midwives crying and the induction attempt saga. Went back early morning feeling much better and wished I had requested a c section much sooner. Recovery was hard but it was definitely the better option for me.

Stormystar · 15/01/2023 21:09

Hi, yes I have and similar to you didn’t disclose this at my first birth. Ended up having a horrendous time giving birth. For my second, I opted for a planned c section which my midwife and consultant agreed. It was a much more positive and pleasant experience. All the best to you whatever you decide is best for you and baby x

Original poster

Kardelen · 15/01/2023 21:21

This is what I always read on other threads etc that it’s not compulsory. But I heard hospitals refuse to take you if you don’t let them check as if it’s less than 2cm they send you home. Happened to a few friends of mine.

did you receive epidural even without them checking?

OP posts:

Original poster

Kardelen · 15/01/2023 21:22

How was the c section was it okay?

OP posts:

Original poster

Kardelen · 15/01/2023 21:23

Thank you so much. I’m a bit worried as someone I know that had C-section said they moved all her organs around.

otherwise I was determined to have this. The doctor however said we can try epidural so I’m thinking if that would be okay if I don’t feel anything

OP posts:

Original poster

Kardelen · 15/01/2023 21:25

This sounds soo similar to my experience. Except as the baby was in the canal, it was too late for the c sectio. That’s why they did spinal and forceps delivery.
So you managed to go home same day as delivering after c section?

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TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 15/01/2023 21:46

Had both my boys during covid so not checking wasn't an option for me. Neither was an epidural during my first in May 2020. Shocking.

They didn't want you in there unless you HAD to be.

Still pretty pissed about it all tbh.

bologneseandbabies · 15/01/2023 21:57

Kardelen · 15/01/2023 21:21

did you receive epidural even without them checking?

Have you discussed not wanting vaginal exams during a vaginal birth with your midwife? At your 36 week appointment they usually do a birth plan and maybe not having a vaginal exam to be admitted can be accommodated.

It is not the norm, you might just need to be pushy about it.

I had a home birth so I was completely in control.

Obviously if you go for an ELCS then totally different process, but do try a hypnobirthing course so you can have a calm and positive experience either way.

good luck!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 15/01/2023 22:40

You get sent home if you are less than 4cm in all the hospitals in my area. I was terrified of this happening so stayed in the bath til last min then nearly had him on the motorway on the way there!

His head was halfway out before I got a whiff of gas and air I just wish I'd stayed in the bath at home.

Original poster

Kardelen · 15/01/2023 23:11

I see a different midwife everytime I attend, so have to explain what happened on my first birth and why I’m anxious each time. Pretty tiring!

so not sure if everything is on record or if they know. But do have a doctor which I will be seeing face to face tomorrow, so hopefully I can chat to them about what to do.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kardelen · 15/01/2023 23:12

Oh wow!
your so brave. That must’ve been so scary

OP posts:

roughoption · 16/01/2023 14:08

I was allowed home 24 hours from when I went into theatre. My midwife the next day was brilliant and did all she needed to do and told me to get packed and ready and then at exactly 24 hours past I would be able to leave, she got all the paperwork ready and we sat and waited for the clock c section actual surgery was fine for me, just felt a bit like washing up in my stomach and lots of pulling (10lb 8 so probably not as bad for most!) I was very calm. My recovery was hard, my wound opened a few times, I'm not sure if that was linked to the big baby as they did struggle to pull him out but was looked after and healed.

Twizbe · 16/01/2023 14:13

During my second labour the midwife didn't do any vaginal exams. She said they were pointless really, especially for second births.

I also had a water birth so no one could touch me while I was in the water. Was lovely. Not sure if that would be suitable for you as you can't have an epidural in the water.

bologneseandbabies · 16/01/2023 19:08

Do you have the means to employ a doula? I feel like you would really benefit from having someone experienced in your corner.

Get the birth you want, no matter what it looks like. You DESERVE IT.

RiceRiceBaby16 · 16/01/2023 19:21

bologneseandbabies · 16/01/2023 19:08

Do you have the means to employ a doula? I feel like you would really benefit from having someone experienced in your corner.

Get the birth you want, no matter what it looks like. You DESERVE IT.

I absolutely second this. If you by any chance are in London or Kent I have an amazing doula to recommend. She is an angel. Honestly changed my life meeting her and having her there during the birth.

Original poster

Kardelen · 17/01/2023 11:03

I had a doctors consultation yesterday and she was still quite firm that I would need this examination. I said will I definitely have early epidural without being examined, and she said just be firm on the day with the midwife’s as they may want tI do it!
she also said how if I go passed 38 weeks they’ll have to induce me, so will have to do examinations and do it vaginally. I said can’t they just use a drip instead but she said they’ll have to break my waters with something anyway, so will have to do
examinations and can’t give epidural in that case. She kept asking me if I can handle that and was giving me weird vibes like I am making it up. I said I can’t, so she said she can put c section request for 40 weeks then incase it’s delayed.

don’t know what to get out of this really. The other doctor promised I would get early epidural. But everyone’s just saying something else, and why do I need to be firm to not want this? Why the pressure!

OP posts:

Original poster

Kardelen · 17/01/2023 11:04

Sorry! What’s a doula? I know it’s a person but is it sort of like birthing assistant?

OP posts:

bologneseandbabies · 17/01/2023 15:16

Is there any particular reason why they need to induce you at 38 weeks?

A doula is someone to provide guidance and support during labour (and before and after if you want), but most importantly they are usually experienced at navigating the NHS and clued up on birth rights. If you tell a doula what you do and do not want during labour then they will fight your corner when you can't or just support you in having your voice heard.

bologneseandbabies · 17/01/2023 15:30

Here is a link to the AIMS guide to vaginal exams:

www.aims.org.uk/information/item/vaginal-examinations-in-labour#post-heading-5

And an extract on whether you have to have them:

"It is very important to know that no one can ever put their fingers into your vagina without your consent - ever. To state to a woman that she must have a VE before she is provided with access to care of any kind (for example, access to an obstetric unit, use of the pool, access to pain relief) does not provide her with the ability to say “no” if she wants that care, and therefore she is not giving informed consent."