Feelings 3 years after birth

[lochmaree]

My eldest is just about to turn 3, and I still feel upset about his birth. I feel so sad that the whole experience was so negative. I'm fairly sure I dissociated during the eventual emcs, can't remember most of it, eventually knocked out with GA - notes say this was because i could feel the surgery. I do remember still being able to feel the contractions after my spinal anesthesic and epidural so i guess that makes sense. but I dont remember feeling pain. I had no idea why I was put under GA until about 8 weeks later I had a birth review with my lovely community midwife. certain songs, smells bring me right back to it and how I felt, the desperation, fear, pain. I feel sad that I feel like this, and sad that his birthday in particular is hard. I also used to love watching call the midwife, and I havent been able to watch it since!

Sounds like you had a traumatic experience. Some people forget it and some don't. I remember mine but can't really remember the pain.
3 years is a long time. Did you ever get counselling from the hospital for it? Maybe it's worth a try now if they offer
Linking the birth to your sons birthday is a different take... I'd regard them as 2 separate events. Your birth was your experience. Your sons birthday is his special day.

Hi I had an extremely traumatic birth with my first child to the point that was terrified of having a second. Absolutely terrified - panic attacks at the thought of giving birth again, severe PTSD basically and her birthday was never a day of joy for me.

Someone suggested I try a counsellor specialising EMDR therapy, I was very dubious but it literally changed my life. I would whole heartedly recommend you try it. The basics of it are it changes the way your brain stores the memories of the traumatic event to allow you to forget those memories rather than re-running them regularly which it sounds like you might be doing.

I went on to have my second child and I can plan my first born's birthday parties without re-running the events of her birth. I hope you will be able to, too.

Hi @MattieandmummyandIs how did the second birth go? I am due my second in may after a rough birth in 2020 and suffering from anxiety over it. I have been referred to trauma counsellor but have yet to get an appointment in.

@Irishgirl55 I was still worried about it but I didn't have the panic and fear that I had before. I will always be sad about the events of my first birth but in many ways having number 2 was very cathartic and laid to rest a lot of my trauma. I couldn't hold my DD1 until she was a week old and being handed DD2 a few minutes after she was born was incredible.

The birth itself was fine, I'm not going to lie and say I loved it but it was ok, we survived and we are all alive to tell the tale which at the end of the day is the most important thing.

Best of luck for May x

I can only say try counselling. It’s awful that you feel this way and I have friends that went through traumatic births and are petrified of falling pregnant. Some have OH that never want to see their partners like that again.

My birth wasn’t traumatic but had a bad tear. Pregnant now and I’m dreading the birth. I tell my friends that I’d rather adopt if I want children. I’m sorry you are going through this and hope that you find a way through x