Support friend with NICU baby

[user1488701379]

Hi all,

A close friend has had a baby this week at 32 weeks. Baby boy is fine (as much as can be) but obviously needs extra support and will likely be in transitional care with mum throughout January. I have offered childcare support (3.5 year old girl at home) and to drop off any needed items like pads etc.

Can anyone give me any advice on the best way to support my friend through this please? I have not been through this myself so want to make sure I am saying the right things and offering support in the right way. I know that ‘help’ which is not helpful can make things worse! We are in touch often via text.

So sorry that you haven't had any responses @user1488701379

How's your DF doing now?

Hi lovely. My DD2 was in nicu although luckily only for a week. I most appreciated childcare for my eldest so I didn't have to worry about her, esp the people who went above and beyond with her to keep her happy. Also DP bringing me in sandwiches so I didn't need to leave baby to eat. Hand cream might also be a winner given the amount of hand san you need to use.

following - I have a friend in the same situation so looking for ideas

Childcare for the one at home so the DF/DP can help. This was the biggest thing for me.

food - take in a bacon sandwich or something.
help with washing/clothes.
asking if mum/baby have what they need (enough clothes/underwear) - collect dirty washing and return it.

warm socks etc enough joggers/tops/clean knickers
go in and watch baby while mum has a wash.
advocate for mum with doctors if she’s not well.
so caring of your OP. Your help will be very appreciated.
enough bags for things etc

Ooh yea, paracetamol and Lansinoh if she's pumping milk. The nicu nurses wouldn't give me a paracetamol and made me go back to my ward for pain relief when I just wanted to be with my baby. Not sure if they'd allow dry shampoo in nicu but that would've been handy too so I could have pushed back showers. Maybe a light blanket and pillow too- the wards are hot but it's nice to be cosy at night

Sorry, me again. Good quality headphones/ earplugs. It's a noisy chaotic place with alarms going off constantly. Just a few minutes actual peace from the chaos would have been amazing

You say baby will be in transitional care with mum through January, but IME (had 2 preemies at 33 and 35 weeks) this is unlikely at least until the last few days before her DS gets discharged. More likely she will be expected to travel to and from the hospital each day, and this is exhausting/expensive especially if she is also trying to pump milk etc. I would've really appreciated any lifts to/from the hospital, from friends who were able to be flexible about timing, for the 16 days that 33 week DS was in.

Oh, and if hospital allows and your friend wants, go and see the baby! My DS was also basically fine for dates and I loved people coming to see him in NICU. It's very boring sitting on your own all day with a baby that does nothing but sleep!

Perhaps some frozen meals or the offer of collecting a supermarket shop.

I also think transitional care through January seems unlikely, particularly if the baby seems fine other than being early. I had a 34 weeker and we were in three weeks and one day. It would have been less but she needed to meet their minimum discharge weight but she got two hospital acquired infections and the antibiotics gave her an upset stomach which made her lose weight. I was discharged after less than 48 hours and then had to travel from home.

The best way my friends helped me in this situation was:
babysitting/taking toddler to preschool
lifts to and from hospital
dropping off dinner
Meeting me for a coffee and chat at the hospital

I have never forgotten their kindness though my premise is now almost a teenager. Good luck to your friend and her baby and thank you from me for being there for her.

Hello,

My son was born in August at 32 weeks. The things that were really helpful to us was the help to us was the help our in-laws provided to us with our elder son. Help with laundry was a god send as we were back and forth from the hospital so no time to do chores. Snack packs and a water bottle as I was expressing to tube feed our son so needed to keep hydrated and fed but didn't want to leave cotside to have proper meals.

A book like this may also be helpful for the older sibling:

Waiting For Baby: A Sibling Visits the Nicu amzn.eu/d/2KGp2tr

X

I had a 35 weeker who was in for 28 days and an almost 37 weekend who was in for 5 days. Best help I had was childcare and food. Especially when Mil kindly but firmly made sure I had food at the proper times when I was wandering about in a daze most of the time. When I was on the postnatal ward I found other patients (but mostly the visitors to be honest) kept speculating quite loudly about why I didn't have a baby with me. Mil went and got me a big helium balloon with "it's a boy" on it which helped a lot with that.

My little boy was born at 32 weeks and was in nicu for a month. The one thing I appreciated from my friends was them asking to see photos and a couple came to see him in the hospital. I loved sharing the little daily updates but was worried of boring people or being too much so people asking me meant a lot. Prem clothes were a godsend as well. I didn’t have anything for a 3lb baby and although he was just in a nappy for a couple of weeks, the hospital did ask us to supply him clothes and size 0 nappies when needed.

Oh and if the hospital has a coffee shop then perhaps a gift card for that coffee shop as you end up spending a fortune on that stuff otherwise x

A friend of mine recently went through this and the main help she needed was looking after her toddler at home and being with the baby in the NICU so she could take a nap/shower.

Missed off food. We were in another town thankfully with relatives who cooked extra and sent in evening meals for DH and I who got accommodation at the hospital to be with DD for 11 days.