C-section or normal birth after traumatic birth experience?

[Kardelen]

I have a DS l, but pregnant with the second. My first birth was traumatic as my water broke at 37 weeks, had no contactions so had to wait for days in hospital for a labour bed to be induced. One reason for this was because I was unable to tolerate the vaginal induction (said I have vaginismus), so had to wait for a bed to be induced intravenously.

after 3 days of waiting to be induced c contractions started on its own and progressed very quickly and I woke up to see blood and terrific pain. Was in panic as they couldn’t find the babies heart rate. They quickly wheeled me to theatres, and said I was 10cm dilated. They quickly gave me spinal, and used north forceps and vacuum to aid the birth of baby. But then my placenta got stuck, so lost a lot of blood . Episiotomy was carried out but not sure if this was to manually remove the placenta or to make the birth quicker. Also had vaginal tears grade 2.

had to stay in hospital longer as they had to check if baby had sepsis due water breaking for days before he was born. The care was horrendous, one midwife even admitted that she neglected me post birth. But I won’t go into details of this.

my stitches got infected after, and in total had to be on antibiotics for 3 weeks. Certain family members failed to understand why I was in so much pain, as it was ‘ vaginal delivery’ so I had to keep explaining, thus remembering every detail again and again.

heard c section is hard, but my main concern is going through this again and having a stuck placenta again where I may potentially lose a lot of blood.

It’s a very personal decision but my experience was that after a traumatic birth (which ended in a c section) that an elective one for my second DC gave me a sense of control (within reason) and took away some of the anxiety I had. The recovery is no walk in the park but equally recovery after a traumatic vaginal birth is not easy and I found that as I knew what to expect i could make plans to make the recovery easier

This is how I feel exactly, to be in more control. But people have been telling me second one gets easier, so not sure if I should take the risk. People will also comment saying I went for elective c section etc, that I was too scared?
its started to make me really anxious as I’m getting closer every day.

You could be me honestly. I had a horrendous first birth. And also the people not understanding and me being in tears explaining what happened. Really awful. Second baby I was talked into vaginal but was happy I was. Placenta was stuck so lost a ton of blood but thanks to the epidural bar the panic at the end all was wonderful throughout. Also had an epistomy both times and tears but the second birth was way nicer including recovery. I can’t advise you enough to place a huge complaint this is what got me better care the second time. Honestly if you can get it, some therapy might be helpful too before the second birth. I wish I had some as when my first birth was brought up it caused me to panic and get upset(not ideal when I had been coasting along) and also can’t recommend the epidural enough. Especially the fact they had to manually get my placenta out the second time so I felt nothing!!!i totally understand you though, unless people go through a bad birth they can’t seem to walk a mile in your shoes!

Oh and I know this won’t be the case for everyone but just so you know, the baby just flew out on my second I barely even pushed 😂

Honestly one of the worst things are trying to explain multiple times why your in pain, and why it’s not the ‘easy vaginal birth’.

i was thinking of this, that I’d be okay if I did get the epidural/spinal. But then I’m scared, what if it progresses really quickly like last time, or they don’t have the facility at that time to actually give epidural/spinal. We picked another hospital, and it’s further away so that freaks me out.

did they have to check if your dilated? This is one thing that also makes me worried. Wasn’t able to tolerate that when they tried the first time my water had broke. So that’s why they left me waiting for a labour bed. But when I was 10 cm dilated And they checked didn’t feel a thing

My first was not physically traumatic but I felt traumatised because I didn't know about consent. Everything was done to me. There wasn't time for pain relief. When it came to stitching me up afterwards I felt every stitch.

With nr 2 I was able to get a known mw scheme. Physically it was traumatic but I was involved and heard aand honestly it made all the difference.

Did you have normal
delivery with both

Have a home birth. Read the stats, you are much safer at home

You don't have to have vaginal examinations, you can decline them.

I'd ask the hospital for an appointment with a consultant midwife to talk through your options, but based on what you've said here it sounds like you might feel happier with an elective Caesarean birth.

this is what one of the midwives told me. But at the end they said they have to do it to see how much I was dilated, but as I was already 10cm I didn’t feel it at that time. But the first time when they tried to check and to induce me it was really bad.
and as they were unable to check I was basically left there waiting, as I wasn’t deemed as urgent… until obviously the baby was coming. I’m terrified of going through the same things, but it’s just the what ifs? What if this time round it’s much simpler. I can’t seem to understand why they wanted to check if I’m dilated first time round as I had no contractions at all anyway, and as the water broke it would’ve been a risk for the baby due to infection. But again, I didn’t know about this till after birth.

I had sepsis, an emergency section and a 7 litre bleed with baby no. 1 - she ended up in SCBU and I ended up in ITU. I chose an elective section for no. 2 because I thought I would be so scared and anxious that I’d really struggle to labour normally. It was a lovely, calm, controlled experience and I’m so glad I did that. The recovery was absolutely fine too.

I've had 2 births. CS and VBAC. I think you have to weigh up what's right for you, not what other people will say about it after. You gave birth to your first child, and those people were shitty. Nothing you do about your birth choices will make them happy so screw their opinions and go with your gut.

Your birth choices are about you and your baby and no one else, and the care you need afterwards isn't for anyone else to comment on because they didn't have YOUR birth. If they can't get on board they should get lost.

If you want the C section, ask for it. If you want to try for another VB, you could possibly agree with your consultant to have a low threshold to move to a CS to help you feel more in control if things don't work out?

Have a c-section.

Mine was so healing after my traumatic birth.

I was in 8 days after my induction and was still suffering a year later. I was in and back home within 28 hours with my section, up and showered 6 hours after birth, pain free and normal activities after 10 days.

Stick to your guns, don't let them put you off. You don't need a reason other than it's what you want.

I would have the section in your shoes x

Both of mine were C section, first one because of placenta Previa and second one elective.
If I had to choose again, I would have C section.
Best advice I can give OP.

Honestly, after speaking to as many people I know with birth trauma, there really isn’t enough informed consent about the injuries (physical and psychological) that women are expected to “suck up” as a result of “natural” childbirth. I am 50 and more of my friends than not have been suffering in silence from years and years of pain, one or both kinds of incontinence, ptsd, sexual dysfunction, prolapse, etc….. Bloody Instagram yoga goddess yummy mummy bullshit doesn’t help either.

I had an ELCS second time around and I have to say it felt like a very well managed process. Everyone was very kind and I felt listened to and in control. My first birth wasn’t as traumatic as yours but I did have an episiotomy, second degree tear and lots of internal stitches. It took me about the same time to recover from a section as it did for a rather “full on” vaginal birth. That said you are very physically limited straight after a c-section and I won’t sugar coat that you need to stay on top of your pain meds. However it seems like a big issue first time around for you was lack on control, care and possibly lack on consent. I think with an ELCS you’d have a very different experience.
That said, if you wanted to go natural again you could discuss your concerns and options much earlier. I found second time around that I was listened to a lot more, treated with a bit more respect and also able to advocate for myself better. In the end I chose an ELCS towards the end of my pregnancy due to some concerns about babies size but I felt a lot more empowered to make this decision with a bit of experience under my belt.
If you have a gut feeling about what you would like to do the follow your gut.

@Fraaahnces 👏👏👏👏

Omg I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I fear this too, and keep thinking if I have retained placenta and bleed what if they do emergency hysterectomy.
how did you heal after number two? Worried as my first is a toddler so will need to pick him up at some point after too

I chose c section after a 3C tear and the recovery was a walk in the park even though I lost a fatal amount of blood. Then I chose c section again (easy choice as my not-ideal c section was faaaaaar easier than tear recovery) and again, recovery was even easier than my first c section. Tears are horrific because you’re always sitting on it etc. C section much more controlled and straightforward.

I just feel like I won’t have that option again. When I had my first they said I can move to c section if things don’t go well. But when they took me down they said it’s too late. Baby has already entered the canal. And this was when I was in hospital premises and still was late. This time if I am At home and have to travel it may be late again by the time they see me.

i honestly don’t mind going through this again, but only if I can have spinal or some sort of pain relief beforehand. Strangely I only had seemed to felt pain when the baby was actually ready to push which was terrible pain. Worried if this happens again I’ll be late to hospital if I’m already not there, as most likely they won’t keep me if they can’t examine to see how much I’m dilated.

Thank you for this. I was told you can’t shower for weeks after c section, so this sounds good.

That’s what I always hear. That c section is the easiest way out, you don’t really brith the child etc etc… so with Me, without a medical reason worried of all the talks.

social media makes births look so easy! It took me 3-4 weeks to recover from this ‘normal birth’. I’m guessing might be the same time frame for a section, but at least that’s more controlled.

but people also told me the scars of c section can cause trouble later in life? Like itching when cold, not healing properly etc. Whereas my tears have actually disappeared now and apart from the trauma it doesn’t have any side effects.

Sorry! I didn’t understand, did you have vb first time or c section? Which still caused tears?

Your first birth experience sounds similar to mine in lots of ways and i pushed for a c section second time around. They didn't want to agree to this so i did have to push a lot but i was glad i did.
Yes the recovery from a c section can be difficult but for me it was better than the trauma and subsequent infections from vaginal delivery.