Anytime now, I'm going to be a birth partner for my dsis - any top tips of what you would like from a birth partner.

[hotmama]

My dsis was due last Sunday - so is very happy to be overdue - not!

Her dh will be at the birth, but she wants me to be there as well as her dh wasn't much help (as she puts it) at the birth of her ds1.

I am looking forward to helping her etc (the rest of my family think I am mad to want to be with her). At the very least it will be really interesting to see a birth and not be the one in the pain etc.

So, what advice can you give me on being a fab birth partner for my dsis.

take chocolate

Plenty of very cold juice or water. After dd was born I could've murdered a can of Irn Bru.

I'm sure your sister will just be happy to have you there, whether she's a screamer, a curser or just a quite squeezer.

Oh and take some really big comfy knickers for her, she's probably packed some but you can never have too many.

A water spray to cool her off after a really big contraction.

Thanks for the post.

She'll probably need it for giving her stamina - her last birth went on a bit (we don't do babies on due dates or quick births come to that )

Also, I don't want her dh to feel put out. I've tried to talk about what he wants as it's his ds2 being born as well - he just say whatever dw wants she gets - hence he is happy for me too be there etc.

I don't want to get in the way of them becoming parents IYKWIM.

Gosh - there were a lot of posts whilst I was typing - thanks.

Ive been a birth partner, and it is one of the most amazing experiences Ive ever had! Have you given birth yourself?

I've been a birthing partner, twice, both times I was told that actually keeping a calm head and listening to them was a great help. Both ladies had no-one else there and were quite young and nervous at the time, so got quite worried as to what was happening and said that me telling them it was fine and that they could do it was what kept them going.

It's a wonderful experience.

Whatever you think, don't ever say "It's ok, just be a little patient" if you don't want to end up with a punched nose!

hotmama - my mum was my birth partner, along with DH. I did worry that he would feel excluded, but this was def not the case. I found they were a great support to each other, which made them calm and relaxed and able to support me.

The main thing I wanted from a birth partner was just to be there, tell me things were ok, and in the case of DH back off with the fecking back massage

What a lovely thing to do for your sis

Ask her whether she has anything she wants you to do. I gave my DP very specific instructions last time, which bizarrely we both stuck to (counting for me etc). Hopefully, with it being your sis, you'll know when to back off and when to tell her she's doing well without getting your head bitten off! Plus echo MamaG and take chocolate!

Ask her whether she has anything she wants you to do. I gave my DP very specific instructions last time, which bizarrely we both stuck to (counting for me etc). Hopefully, with it being your sis, you'll know when to back off and when to tell her she's doing well without getting your head bitten off! Plus echo MamaG and take chocolate!

(Maewest - LOL, back massge, IKWYM!)

I had emergency C-Section when undiagnosed breech DD refused to descend, on Jan 3rd. Hopefully you won't end up in any unexpected or emergency scenarios, with panic decisions being forced on you all! But just in case: my DH was so amazing, I wrote 5 points for the perfect birth partner based on how he supported me:

1 - remember, and remind others, that the woman should be in control of decisions.
2 - however frightened you get, never question her sense of care and responibility towards herself or the baby.
3 - If she falters, this isn't the time to suggest an alternative course - remind her why she chose this one.
4 - If she clearly tells you the plan needs to change, go with this, no question or hesitation, and keep applying 1st 3 rules!
5 - Support, reinforce, remind, reasure, without any argument or debate, ever.

This may seem obvious but tbh, my relationship with DH often involves a lot of 'thought-sharing' and I was really struck by how grateful I was just to have his back-up; I hadn't realised how important it was for me in that situation to NOT hear his opinions or judgements, but just to hear that whatever I wanted/needed was right. (And to think I seriously considered getting a different BP because I was convinced he'd just pass out at the first suggestion of poo ... )
Have a great birth!

Go over her birth plan with her before hand, so you are aware of her wishes

I wished that dh had encouraged/nagged me to move around more. I thought (in my labour fug) that the fact I was standing rather than laying down meant I was being active. Can't help but think if someone had persuaded me to walk around more I may not have ended up with a failure to progress labour.

if she's hpoing for a natural birth and avoid epiduals etc, have a code word like sausages or something, so that if she really wants an epidural she can say 'i want a sausage!'

i didn't really want an epidural, but i spent a lot of time shouting for one, because i was in so much pain!

sounds daft but it works! good luck i was a birth partner for my sister and it was magic!

Ask before you touch her, reassure her often, provide drinks and be prepared to give yourself backache helping her out of hers. Do anything to ensure she feels uninhibited and comforted.

My friend apparently was embarrassed because she swore in front of the midwife so her DH seamlessly morphed into 'Tourettes guy' and started yelling fuckety fuck fuck fuck. She laughed and relaxed and realised it was okay.

Being there is an amazing privilege - you'll do fine!

Thank you for all your posts - will read and digest!

I have had 2dd's - had a lovely forceps and an emergency c-section.

Dsis had a forceps to turn ds1's head and had to go into theatre in case he wasn't going to come out. She cracked her cocyx (sp) and gave up bf before she wanted to.

So my main jobs (according to dsis) will be to not let 'them' force her to lie down and help to be more successful at bf. She gave up after a couple of weeks because she needed stronger painkillers because of her cracked cocyx (sp).

I bf dd1 for 10 weeks but lasted just over a year with dd2 - so know how important it is for her. Thanks La Leche!

I'm 10 years older than her - I love my little sis!

I have to say the best and only thing dh has done in my labors is rub my head with a cold washcloth, and talk quietly to me.

Good luck to you and your dsis.

My dsis is now nearly a week late - and not a particularly happy bunny!

Took her out to lunch - and we had huge chocolate sundaes - she has had a few twinges so I hope she is on the way.

At least she has had some sustinance.

Plenty of water and a straw! If your dsis is in a strange position she might not be able to drink from a bottle, so a straw is essential!

Take glucose sweets. DP would put one in my mouth when I started flagging.

Know what her birth plan/preference are so that you can speak for her if she's unable to speak.. this made me feel very safe and left me to concentrate on the matter at hand (DP made sure the midwife stuck to my wishes)

Good luck!

UPDATE - Today my dsis gave birth - what an experience!!!!!

She was happy pottering this morning doing some cleaning. Had an overdue visit by the midwife - dsis was 3cm dilated at 9am.

Rang me, but told me not to come over but might want to later this afternoon.

A little while later, my dsis rang said it really hurts and to come now!!!!!

Got to her house just as dsis and her dh were leaving.

Got to the hosp at 12.17 -dsis got told off because she hadn't rang before - and her ds2 came into the world at 12.34 - on her knees with just gas and air (and one small stitch). Straight to skin to skin and bf for a good hour.

Dsis left hosp the same time as me - 4.45.

So she is now at home with her larger family and probably having a takeaway.

I didn't let the midwives make her lie down, I rubbed her back (and wiped her bum - when the midwife left dsis because she said that she didn't need to push ).

What a fab experience.

congratulations to you and yoursister - how lovely