Birth "horror stories"

[goodmorningsunny]

A pregnant friend of mine recently asked about my birth and I told her how it went and she then said how people love to tell pregnant people "horror stories". I don't see my birth as a horror story but it certainly wasn't what I was taught in NCT.

It got me thinking, why is it that we consider real childbirth stories to be "horror stories"? Is it because NCT classes and midwives don't give a realistic idea of what to expect? Is it just that we're all really scared of birth and anything that sounds remotely unpleasant we consider a "horror story"?

I had quite a nice birth story really, I was shocked that she thought it was a "horror story", so I'm kind of scared about what she's learning in NCT to make her think that my very okay-ish birth was a horror!

The NCT as an organisation doesn't push a 'no intervention' agenda. The courses cover caesarean birth, assisted birth, epidural etc. If you a particular facilitator (they are not instructors) was really telling you not to accept interventions then you should complain about them and the NCT will look into it. There are lots of antenatal courses out there though so obviously make sure it was an NCT course before you.complain.

Also remember that you are all talking with the benefit of hindsight. Most first time mums say they don't want to hear negative anecdotes or anything that makes them more anxious about birth. Antenatal course providers tread a fine line between providing information and not freaking people out ...it's not an easy job.

It depends on each persons view point 🤷‍♀️ my DSis for example said all mine sounded 'easy' because I managed 2 without pain relief, but my SIL said they sounded awful, because I'd been in labour longer than her so assumed it'd been awful. Tbh, I loved all my labours and births, regardless of how each one went, I've never been traumatised by them, but a few people I've told stories too have said they sound traumatic 🤷‍♀️ everyone's different

She blames NCT for both? Surely after the first traumatic birth, she had an idea of possible different scenarios?

Blame is perhaps to harsh a word but yes, the natural birth, fairy lights and aromatherapy message was taken as authoritative by her. Also a few books which emphasize the same. Also a culture which equates medical intervention with failure. So she tried for a vaginal birth the second time, and, I think probably quite predictably given the reasons the first one didn’t go well (baby’s ginormous head vs mother’s narrow birth canal) it didn’t go well either! And for the same reasons!

Positive Birth movement is a cult intended on trying to push you towards a "fresh air birth" and will shy away from education on your actual options.

I ask you this, if a man had to go through it, what would they get?

No man is ever encouraged or told they have to have a natural vasectomy because its better or safer. They get the f-ing pain relief!

To be fair, I’ve heard from friends in the US, where birth can be very highly medicalised (because hospitals don’t want to get sued), that the other end of the spectrum can be very unpleasant ( but ultimately probably safer for the baby, in my completely unqualified opinion).

@Palmfrond agreed, there is probably a point where this is unnecessary medical intervention. But, there is so much reporting of women being denied pain relief and NICE guidelines clearly state women are entitled to epidurals or the allowed pain relief when its requested.

I was denied this on the NHS for my first birth for 30hrs. I had to be augmented and they said I could have the hormone drip but not the epi as I wasn't far enough along.

When the hormone drip went in I was in complete agony for 30hrs before they called for an anaesthetist. It wad terrifying and left me scarred.

I did all the hypnobirthing and positive birth classes and none of that prepared me for this. Neither did NCT.

I get a bit annoyed by the 'trust your body' mantra, though I guess it can be helpful to an extent. But the fact is that humans are not perfectly designed for childbirth: it's an evolutionary trade off between a pelvis shape that allows us to be bipedal, and the baby's large heads that encompass large brains. The result is that childbirth for humans is more difficult and dangerous, both for mother and baby, than it is for other mammals.

I never went to any classes, I knew they were all nonsense even at 21 years old.
You don't push something that size out without there being some serious grief.
Lavendar oil won't hack it.
I insisted on an epidural - this was 40 years ago. I was stitched from here to kingdom come and couldn't sit down for weeks so just as well.

I know home birth is supposed to be ‘safe’, and it is for multiparous women who have already had a vaginal delivery. But I remember seeing the coverage about maternity scandals that quite a few of the very sad cases were the result of homebirth attempted by women who were much older FTMs or only had previous c-sections. Obviously we cannot ban women from making that choice, but I did wonder whether it was fair in their cases that the blame was then placed on maternity services.

Absolutely, my 2nd dc was a 45 min labour, I never felt comfortable talking about it when I was asked about it as I got the impression folk thought I was boasting or making it up

You won a lottery. It is luck. And good for you, but, picture this; there is another thread about dating short men that I posted on. I think it’s ridiculous but bear with me because I believe there is an analogy to be found; If I were to say to a room of men, all of whom will statistically be shorter than me, that, nah, I find it really easy to get attention, I find it really easy to be seen and heard, even to order other people about. It’s all true, and it will be true of many others in the room, but there will be a significant minority of whom that is not true and they will rightfully think I’m a twat.
Im not calling you or anyone a twat, mind, but an easy birth is purely luck.

@Palmfrond it is most def luck, my first was a 14 hour labour ending with a forceps delivery.
I never spoke about either unless asked but the difference in peoples reactions to each was stark, it was like people were annoyed because my labour wasn't as bad as theirs, like some sort of competition.

Where did they say it wasn’t luck?

I think it's all in the mind from my experiences.

With my first I had an epidural from the get go, which slowed everything down but was eventually ok.

With my second the anaesthetist was busy so at one point I remember thinking "I wonder how she's doing" and at that point all pain left me and it was just sensation, and DD was almost immediately born. It was incredible and apparently the best birth the hospital had had in a year, we were told.

I've never got over the fact that my mind, at that point, just took over for the better.

Both of my now grown up children born by EMCS under GA after life threatening complications in labour.The first time myself and DS1 almost died because of the GA.This was 53 years ago now, if it was today I would have had planned caesareans under epidural, been awake throughout and could have describe hem as ''a breeze'' rather than the two hurricanes they were.
I never tried to frighten pregnant women with my childbirth horror stories just said ''We are all different''.If I had just given birth now I would be boasting about my calm and controlled caesareans.

@milawops Ha she’d hate me then, my first was two hours, my second was short of four hours. And to some peoples disgust I have no stretch marks.
With no 1, I’d gone in for a routine blood test one day and was admitted there and then, kept in for three weeks on total bed rest with pre eclampsia, and a low lying placenta and after three weeks I was eventually induced after my blood pressure went scarily high. it was fast, caught everyone on the hop. No time for any pain relief.
No. 2 Spontaneous Labour, started at 10 pm, she was in my arms at 1.40 am.