Petrified of dying in childbirth,

[Joanne626]

So, I’m literally petrified of child birth second time round.
not able to sleep either as I’m up all night panicking due to this.

I gsve birth to my son 6 years ago, pregnancy was awful. Preeclampsia, Placenta Acreta, OC liver, birth blood loss, post partum.

Now I’m so scared of dying if I go through this again, so much that I book In for an abortion. (When my son was 3) I don’t know what it is, just everything is telling me to stay away. I dream about it too, am I crazy?

I have just found out I’m 8 weeks pregnant. And I want my son to have a sibling to grow with, and have when I’m not around.
but I’m literally literally sick of the thought I’m really going to die in childbirth.
genuinely think and feel this is going to happen to me.

doctors says it’s normal and help is there, but it still happens right?

im a complete mess.

Can anyone help? Or advise books etc or what I should do?

@Joanne626 Sweetheart, it is not going to happen. Any pregnant woman in this country is very, very well cared for , and you even more so as you had problems last time.

I understand the dreams, and strong feelings etc. I am a rational, grown up (who used to be a midwife a while ago!) and I was convinced that I was going to die when I was 47! I'd thought that since I was a child and even though I knew it was mad, I was sure it would happen. I confided in my best friend and that really helped...although it still played on my mind. Anyway, I am now approaching 50 and definitely still here. 😁

You are naturally afraid of childbirth and not being there for your family. That is a very natural, primal instinct. Talk to people, do not google problems in pregnancy, stick with the facts, if you start to catastrophise then distract yourself with music, memes, a book, plans for an outfit, food etc xx

Good luck with having two children...life gets very busy. It will all be good.

Why don't you have an elective section? Mine was wonderful. Calm, controlled, safe. It was a much better experience that my first birth which was horribly traumatic.

Yes in this situation a maternal request ELCS for secondary tokophobia should be supported, if that would help you. Also look into hypnobirthing (you can get hypnobirthing for c sections as well) to help you feel calm and in control. If you can't get the birth that makes you feel safe, contact Birthrights for advice.

This sounds like tokophobia. I had primary tokophobia and spoke to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with this and then had an elective c section.

I agree with everything you've said here apart from the opener, "it's not going to happen".

Minimising and denying doesn't help when you are phobic, terrified and can't cope with intrusive thoughts because, in fact, whilst extremely rare, it could happen.

I'm not saying this to scare the OP but to validate her fears.

Everything else in this post is true and is why your birth experience is likely to be extremely safe.

If your consultant and midwife are aware of your extreme anxiety, they will do everything they can to help you. Perhaps take PP's advice and request a c section.

Thank you all, I tried to speak with partner and thinks I’m crazy but the idea of it is literally bringing me to sweats. The dreams are so vivid it shakes me to the core. I was sooooo lucky the last time, with everything that I had before, I think maybe we’ll maybe this time won’t be as lucky.

i haven’t contacted midwife yet, as thst would send me in over drive. And feeel more surreal and I still haven’t fully decided what I want to do yet.

with my history would anyone else be worrying? I was lucky I didn’t get a hysterectomy with my first birth!

I will look into elective c section, but I’ve watched it before and scares me even more,

the whole idea is petrifying, literally. But I can’t bare attend another clinic. But I don’t know if I can honestly think positive about this.

I feel so silly, because it feels so real to me!

I'm sorry you're going through this. It might be worth looking at the Birth Trauma Association website - they have some information on seeking support for birth trauma.
www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/

For the birth itself, would hiring a doula be an option? I had severe anxiety about birth but having someone there who could advocate for me, reassure me, explain what was happening and help me understand my options was so helpful. I would absolutely recommend if you can afford it.

Have you had therapy for your original birth trauma?
If not, I really do recommend that you do. It sounds like a very traumatic experience which is affecting your current pregnancy. Living in fear because of your first experience of childbirth is awful but completely understandable after what you've been through.
Maybe some therapeutic support will be helpful.

I don't think the Mumsnet automatic "C section!" suggestion is the right thing for the OP. The OB will have to tell her the risks of that too... This panic does not sound related to mode of delivery.

OP I understand your feelings and I think a lot of women go through it to some extent. Your feelings are heightened because you had a very, very difficult first birth and you know you're higher risk this time. I think you need to deal with your trauma (you've had some good suggestions), you need perinatal mental health support and probably an anti-anxiety med asap, and you need a chat with the OB sooner rather than later to discuss management of this pregnancy and birth. Good luck, it is going to be OK.

I fully understand what you are going through. I nearly lost my life giving birth the first time, which was by a very emergency c section.You can just imagine what I went through when I got pregnant the second time.
This was 50 years ago.No help available at all, not encouraged to talk about it, the word tokophobia was unheard of.I had to have another emergency section so was a nightmare.Obviuosly both me and baby survived but I had tubal tie done during the birth as I wanted to make sure I never went through this again.
I am thinking of you and hoping all goes well, it did for me, but I know exactly how you feel.