Scared and depressed with number 2

[DollyDimples80]

Hi there, just wondering if anyone could offer any reassurance or comfort. I'm 24 weeks pregnant with number 2 and just terrified. My first pregnancy was easy but the birth was a different story. I had an 11lb baby, three day labour and huge pph (2.6 litres) baby went to NICU after swallowing meconium and I was high risk for infection for about three days. The whole thing was very traumatic and it took me a long time to go for number 2.
With this pregnancy I've already had a large haematoma, was told I'd miscarried twice (once by a junior doctor in emergency gyne) but somehow this little one has hung in there. The haematoma has pretty much resolved now.
These are ivf pregnancies as well so not the easiest start!
Now I've got a low lying placenta and obviously hoping it'll move up, but worried it won't.
I've developed antenatal depression and am very low and tearful. I don't feel very supported, negative thoughts etc. I'm under the perinatal mental health team, I have a therapist so that's really good and all that is propping me up at the moment. Husband is being great and my brother, but I've lost my parents and in-laws just do not get mental health stuff and don't understand why I'm not just happy to be pregnant (I am of course, but depression is like a fog).
My main fear is that I'll die in my elective c section. Don't want to try naturally after it's not advised and my first was so big and the bleed was due to three days of labour before my EMCS (he got stuck apparently)
Sooo...help!

Bump

That sounds really tough, and so understandable after everything you've been through.

What do you think would help you personally- just having a sounding board for your fears, or perhaps looking at the statistics of how safe an ELCS is?

I had an ELCS and they are almost always a world away from an EMCS after a difficult labour.

It's very calm and relaxed, I waddled down a hallway, had the spinal in nice and easily and lay down. We had our own music playing, DS was out in about 5 minutes and placed immediately on my chest. DP cut the cord, and he had a cuddle after DS had been on me for 20 minutes and then went to get weighed.

The room was full of chatter and laughter, it was really lovely.

I only lost 320mls of blood, was off all painkillers by day 4 and my wound healed fine.

I'm hoping for a VBAC this time but if it comes down to an induction or another ELCS I'll choose the ELCS I think. It was not what I had originally wanted at all, but it was really lovely and special and I felt completely safe and in control the entire time.

@addler ah thank you, that sounds really nice! I've heard they can be very healing - did you find that? I'm seeing a consultant on Thursday so hopefully they can help put my mind to rest. Thanks so much for your reply.

@addler I was assuming you'd had an emergency before? But maybe I misunderstood that. 😊

I had an ELCS for my second child after a somewhat traumatic vaginal birth with my first (strictly speaking it was the aftermath that was traumatic but they are linked in my head if that makes sense!) and I really did find it 'healing'. It was so calm and relaxed, and a world away from my previous experience. Physically the healing was pretty quick too, just took it easy for a few weeks but had little to no pain.

Meant to add, speak to your consultant openly about your fears - I guarantee they'll help to put your mind at rest!

@@Bigbugfish ah ok thanks, I will mention it to consultant. I'm glad your elective was a good experience. The healing from my emergency took ages but I guess they have to yank it out a bit more!

I had an ELCS recently for my second DC. I felt very well looked after despite being rather terrified! It’s funny because I really felt like everyone was trying very very hard to be nice and make it a pleasant experience for me and I had a thought that how funny it must be for them to see this day in day out but have to reassure every single person who came into the operating theatre. It felt like a really well oiled machine and strangely not scary at all. The anaesnatist was a lovely guy who chatted happily to me and I was in the middle of telling him an anecdote when suddenly DC was out. It was honestly magical and I was very (happily) emotional.

I had suspected PND with after first DC and I know how deliberating and horrible it can be. Having my first DC threw up a lot of things, trauma and otherwise from my own childhood and I also had a painful recovery from a ventouse birth with episiotomy. I had therapy and also waited quite a long time before trying again.

This time around I had an ELCS and I’ll be totally honest that recovery has been slow (for me anyway but everyone heals differently) but mentally I am so much better, it has been such a joyful time getting to know my second DC and I felt such a sense of calm this time. I would say second time around is a very very different experience. You are a more experienced parent and you also know yourself and your triggers so much better.

@MummyJ36 ahh that's so great! I'm glad you enjoyed your second experience and that it was healing for you.

I do hope this will be the case for me. I've a low-lying placenta so praying it moves up.

Thanks for sharing and I hope you did recover well in the end or are you still at that stage?

I’m only 6 weeks PP so still recovering. I’m getting better every week but I can always tell if I’ve pushed myself. I did have terrible SPD leading up to the birth though which rendered me pretty much housebound for the last 5 months or so. As a result my core muscles were weakened a lot anyway so having abdominal surgery on top of that was always going to result in a longer recovery. I do think this is a major factor in why it’s taking me longer to get back to my fighting best! Even my GP said I had to accept that my SPD will have weakened my core muscles so I had to be a bit more patient.
As you’ve had a section before you’ll have much better knowledge than I did about how to take it easy and what not to do afterwards. I was a bit silly and pushed myself too soon without realising how important rest was and also accepting the house will probably go to shit for a short period whilst you get back on your feet!

Also just to add that a good friend of mine had a section due to low lying placenta and found it absolutely fine. She often says that she feels she hit the jackpot having a c-section (I’m not sure id go that far but she certainly doesn’t have a bad word to say about it!)

Hi, I know how you feel OP.

My daughter was born three years ago via c section due to a full placenta previa despite this being rare as I believe for the majority of women it moves out the way in plenty of time.

I was very nervous leading up to my delivery, but I never once had a bleed throughout my whole pregnancy despite the previa, and my delivery was calm as can be. I had very minor blood loss and I recovered quickly from the surgery!

I am sure yours will have moved out the way in good time, but I just wanted to tell you my story in case it doesn’t. The low lying placenta is very well managed and checked over, so a straightforward delivery is well within your grasp even if things don’t change 💐

I wish you a healthy pregnancy and smooth delivery!

@mothermotherm thank you. These stories are helping so much. Saw consultant today who was really reassuring too. 😊

@MummyJ36 thanks so much. I hope you recover quickly, at least you know to take it easy now. 😊