Lulumamma!!

[manuka]

Hello! I've just been reading that freebirth thread and noticed your comments and I've noticed your comments on other threads and it always makes me wish I'd known of you ages ago because I would have loved to have you as my doula.
I had such an awful experience and even now 19months later I still feel crap about it. Can't believe how much its affected me.
Anyway, I just wanted to say you seem like such a lovely woman and I think its great that you'l help other women have lovely birth experiences.
My mum asked if I wanted a doula and I said no. Mums always know best don't they?!

she is lovely, that lulumama

oh wow

thanks

that is really very, very kind

i very much appreciate you saying so

am really sorry you had a hard time of it

i had a hard time with DS, and ultimately though that is what led me to doulaing ! so in a round about way, i am glad it happened

if you want any support or info re your birth experience, you can CAT me or emial me at

mail @ motheringinstincts.com

or if you prefer to talk to someone anonymously, contact the birth trauma association

i am not the most experienced doula, but i have such a passion for it, and i love to learn about birth and if something i say has a positive impact, then that is just fantastic.

Wow thats so kind of you thankyou! Doesn't it do your head in to listen to other people's bad experiences? I bet you get a lot of it!
I did email the birth trauma people and I've had reiki and homeopathy and herbs and gp was great too so even though I've spoken about it loads its still there. Especially now practically all my friends are having their 2nd babies. Me and dh wanted 2 or 3 and we even bought a huge house for all these kids and now the thought of going through it again scares the life out of me. I would rather die than have another baby.
It was like a horror film. dd was over due so induced which led to all the drugs on the drugs trolley -pethidine was great!- and then she got stuck so emergency section and all the nerves in my neck were trapped from long labour so total agony and then anaesthetic wore off at the sewing up bit and the whole surgical team IGNORED ME!!! So rejected baby and had no support from stone faced midwife who just left me alone with baby all night!
I think its just come up again because so many of my friends are presenting their new babies or they're waddling around pregnant and I should be too but I just can't.
I feel a lot better than I did but there's just that bit left that's not over it if you know what I mean?
Anyway I do appreciate your care and I think its great that you made such a positive out of your negative experience!

no, it does not do my head in !! it is saddening, frustrating and upsetting of course, but makes me more determined to try to change things.

do you think that you will be able to get rid of the last piece of the puzzle , the last bit you are holding on to?

did you go through your notes with anyone? complain formally?

that can often be very cathartic

there are ways of being more in control of another birth experience, many women find subsequent births healing.

if this is holding you back from having more children, you need to find a way to get through it.

writing down the whole story and all that you remember, and your DHs memories of what happened can be helpful too

No haven't done anything with notes. What should I do? Have been to speak to clinical negligence solicitor this week. Just waiting to hear if they think its a case that would 'work'. Was going to write to Hospital but each time I write the letter I just feel horrific so have to stop.
Got to feed child now so will check back here later!
Thanks again. x

okey doke

if you contact PALS at the hospital you gave birth in, they will advise you on how to complain.

it might cost a bit to get your notes as 19 months has passed

also, i would not mention that you are considering legal action until you have your notes, just in case they go 'missing'

Awww, lulu, you're gonna need a fan club soon

you can be my secretary ! ROFL !!

manuka, re: writing, I've had dp draft my letters, all i have to do is edit and sign! maybe this could help you?

i'm sending to my MP as well, as the problems i had ( a paler version of yours) were all caused by lack of staff and time. which is a govt thing to sort out in london

Thats a good idea dh is probably less likely to start swearing in the letter!!
There most definitely needs to be more midwives and also training in how to 'care' because some of them forget that for a first time mum its all new.

Whats PALS??

patient advisory liaison services. they are the buffer between us the happy campers and the happy workers...

Ah yes I remember now! thanks.
What I really need to do is have the whole surgical team lined up in a row and just SHOUT at them and then punch them all and then they all have to say a genuine apology and then I'd feel fine! And also they have to pay me for all the therapies I've had to have to get better!!!