Worry around consultant appt- trigger warning- advocating for myself

[violetcuriosity]

Trigger- HSV ENCEPHALITIS, COMA, ICU

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone could help... Long story but, 5 years ago my ex partner cheated on me with sex workers in Amsterdam. I was diagnosed with genital HSV2 less than a week later and sadly he became seriously ill with HSV encephalitis, fell into a coma for 6 weeks and has been left with a brain injury which also means he has intractable epilepsy. We have a 7 year old daughter together who was 2 at the time and the whole experience has been very difficult for both of us, especially as I have been left with the lifelong virus which unfortunately hasn't been too much of an issue for me. I have since been diagnosed with PTSD from the experience and find it difficult to speak about without crying.

Fast forward to now, I am settled in a happy relationship and am 17 weeks pregnant. At my 16 week appt I wrote my midwife a letter explaining what had happened and how I am becoming increasingly anxious about a vaginal birth due to the very small risk of passing on the virus. The thought of the baby catching the virus is extremely triggering for me and I explained that I cannot go through it all over again. She was so supportive and explained that I have choices and that she would support an elective c-section but that the final decision will be with a consultant and to chat to them when I have my appt in a couple of weeks about my cervical length. She then said that if they have an issue with it I can attend a birth choices clinic to try and fight my case.

The problem is, I find it really really hard to advocate for myself around this subject. I find it really difficult to verbalise the whole story and explain how horrendous the situation was.

Does anyone have any idea what the guidelines are or what the consultant will say?

Thank you.

sorry you had to go through this.

are you in uk?

because the guidelines say clearly that you can have a c section. You don’t need to say anything apart from having the infection

www.nhs.uk/conditions/caesarean-section/

“A caesarean may be carried out because:

your baby is in the breech position (feet first) and your doctor or midwife has been unable to turn them by applying gentle pressure to your tummy, or you'd prefer they did not try this
you have a low-lying placenta (placenta praevia)
you have pregnancy-related high blood pressure (pre-eclampsia)
you have certain infections, such as a first genital herpes infection occurring late in pregnancy or untreated HIV
your baby is not getting enough oxygen and nutrients – sometimes this may mean the baby needs to be delivered immediately
your labour is not progressing or there's excessive vaginal bleeding”

so you are wishing your rights and you don’t have to tell about your husband etc, just your diagnosis.

print this out and take it with you.

is there anyone that can come with you as well, just in case? If you don’t, you can take the letter you gave to the midwife (or write another one) and give it to the consultant if he/she doesn’t agree from the start.

if they don’t agree, but I don’t see why they wouldn’t, you still have the option to write to the hospital, ask your midwife to who, to send it and address it

hope this helps

I don't think they'll say no but if they do you just ask to see a different consultant. Leave the appointment, speak to your mw and the maternity matron and arrange that. You don't need to fight, it's your choice how you give birth x

I had an elective C section for mental health reasons following a difficult experience with my first birth - I did have to fight for it a bit as the first midwife I saw was very unsympathetic and basically told me I was being ridiculous! I complained and got an appointment with the consultant who was absolutely lovely and agreed to do it straightaway. You don’t need to go into great detail about what happened before, just be very clear that this is what you want and you know it’s for the best for your mental health. You’re entitled to have the birth you want!