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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Mars and Lulu...thankyou so much for inspiring me to be a doula to my friend who had her daughter on Sun evening, with me there!!!!!

19 replies

3Dmincepie · 22/01/2008 20:35

That's it really.

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3Ddonut · 22/01/2008 20:36

Oops I've still got my Christmas name on, that's how long I've been away for

Lulumama · 22/01/2008 21:56

oooooh ! that is lovely....really special... that is a fantastic start for you, i bet it was really , really emotional

do you want to share the birth story?

MarsLady · 22/01/2008 23:47

You're more than welcome but as lulu says.........

spill!!!!

Details donut... details

3Ddonut · 23/01/2008 19:26

It should have been really, really emotional as baby has been waited for for many years and Mum and Dad had just about given up hope,so she was very special before she arrived! Poor Mum had been having pains since Wed morning and on Sat evening I popped round to visit and she seemed to be having contractions every 5 mins, sometimes only 1 or 2, I suggested that she may want to call the delivery suite and they asked if she wanted to go for an assessment, so off I scooted for a quick bite and met her there 45 mins later, mw had a look and said that she wasn't in labour. She has some muscle prob which makes her joints really loose but her muscles really tight and mw thought that the pains were spasms caused by baby's movement (which did seem to trigger the pains) so off we went, disappointed. I didn't bother her the next morning and went to pick up my kids (who'd stayed out the night before just in case) and had been home an hour when the phone went to say that she was 3cm dilated and that she was staying in, it was her partner who called, he wasn't going to be present, as per both their wishes, he said, nothing is happening too much so no worries, as I had no-one to babysit now!!! My Mum came straight from work and I phoned the delivery suite at about 5pm, mw said her waters had broke and she was 'coming along' she said that she would be examining her again at 7.30pm, so no rush, so I helped my Ma bath the kids and set off at 6pm, I got there about 6.15pm and the mw asked if she wanted me in the room I heard a strained 'yeeeesss' and thought 'ey up???...' sure enough, in I go and there's the head!!!!! I ditched my stuff and held her hand she managed a little 'I can't believe you nearly missed it!' me either!!! At 18.39, her daughter was born, Mum and baby doing great!!! Dad came straight down and once the family were settled, I left. I haven't seen her yet, due to lack of babysitters, but I should see her tomorrow, she's doing OK though, we're in touch and she knows I'm here, should she need me!!!!!

Klaw · 23/01/2008 19:31

Congratulations to you 3Ddonut!

And congratulations to your friend and her dh!

MarsLady · 23/01/2008 19:48

Well done 3D

Lulumama · 23/01/2008 19:51

oh wow ! lovely !! isn;t it amazing??

3Ddonut · 23/01/2008 19:53

I felt a little out of my depth at times, I haven't been able to get to a doula course as yet and suddenly thought, I don't know what to do!!!!!!! I just held her hand and encouraged her, 'you're doing great' 'you CAN do it' and 'your baby will be in your arms after this next one' and so on, I've read a lot, but with missing the build up to the pushing I felt that I had let her down a little, she did say that I got her through the worst part though so that was nice to hear, how do you guys support in labour?

Lulumama · 23/01/2008 20:10

well, that sounds like doulaing to me !! doulaing, as a wise old doula once said to me is not just the birth part, but the support before too! and the antenatal support is of course really important. sounds like you did all the right things and your friend was delighted by your support ! fantastic ! is there no NB course round your way?

3Ddonut · 23/01/2008 20:15

the nearest is about 3 hours away in May I think, I'll need to stop over and will need to sort out the finances before I commit, also was thinking of the paramana doula course because I'd love to see Michel Odent but again, it's all money. I like the look of the nb one though.....

Did you guys know that you can visit the Farm and meet Ina May and the other Midwives? I think you may have the opportunity to witness a birth too. I found it on the web one night but couldn't find it again

Lulumama · 23/01/2008 20:16

yes, i would love to go to the farm one day, but just cannot afford it !!

MarsLady · 24/01/2008 07:57

3D if you have room you can offer to host an NB course. The host gets a discount.

The support that you gave your friend was doula-ing. You got her through the worst bit by your support and presence!

3Ddonut · 24/01/2008 10:05

Thanks Mars, but I don't have the room, I thought one of my friends who would have the room would be interested but when I spoke to the lady who runs it (I can't remember her name now) she said she wouldn't be coming up this way until next year now. I can travel but obviously it makes it more difficult to arrange. You did the paramana course didn't you Mars? Was it worth it, did you find it beneficial?^

With regards to support in labour, I felt that I should be doing more, but I don't know what. I felt that there were expectations of me to do something that no-one else could. Her Mum and her friend were there and when I came in her friend ran out of my way and her Mum said 'let 3D in, she's the professional!' Her Mum seemed uncomfortable to be there and had her head turned away, my friend said that her Mum was relieved when I came in 'like a breath of fresh air'

Lulumama · 24/01/2008 13:44

i thikn you are being way to hard on yourself

you are not there to deliver the baby, you are there to support the mum and that is what you did!

sometimes doualing is more about being than doing

she was grateful for your help, delighted you were there, and her mum was relieved to see you too.

you did great !!

3Ddonut · 24/01/2008 15:46

Thanks Lulu, I couldn't see anything that I could have done differently but I came away thinking that there was an expectation of me to somehow 'lead' the birth, breathing exercises or whatever. I'm sure her friend would have done as good a job as I did, but I think you're right as in it's as much as being than doing, I think my prescence there calmed the room just by 'back up arriving' if you like!!!

You and Mars really inspire me to continue down this road, thankyou.

Lulumama · 24/01/2008 15:47

you will continue to learn and adapt and give something different for each client

wishing you many happy times doualing!

3Ddonut · 24/01/2008 15:55

Thanks, i've learnt a lot a through this experience and have started to read a bit wider than just Ina May and Michel Odent.

MarsLady · 24/01/2008 18:48

I enjoyed Paramana. If you want to do a course in London you can kip at mine if that helps!

3Ddonut · 24/01/2008 22:21

Thanks Mars

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