Father at birth?

[Redhair1]

Hi all,
Did anyone choose not to have their partner with them at the birth? I would rather my partner not attend the actual birth but I don't know if this is a bit of fashioned. Experiences/opinions?

You’re the one giving birth, so do whatever you feel most comfortable with. You can bring anyone you want or nobody at all!

Not me, but my DH's aunt didn't want anyone with her when she had her babies. She didn't even want the midwives or doctors there but she gave in on that point. Her DH wasn't there at all.

It was 1980s Japan so I'm not sure how common it was to have fathers in the delivery room at that time anyway.

It's your birth and you can have who you want in there with you.

Why don't you want him there?

Without knowing the reason why you don’t want him there it’s hard to say but I would say it’s your choice.

But when I had both my children my husband was in the room with me - one of the special memories of that day was seeing his face on the birth of his child. He left my side and went to them - the love & bond he instantly felt you could see. I’ll treasure that forever!

Why don't you want him there?

Absolutely up to you who you want there.

Although my husband thinks being there was one of his life defining moments, and I’m not sure how he’d have felt if I didn’t want him there. He’d have missed out on a lot. He’d never have put any pressure on but I’d imagine it would have impacted on our relationship.

I’d agree that one of my favourite memories from that day was his face when baby was born; and the instant love, and he did the skin to skin as I wasn’t medically cleared to do so, which was unexpected but I’m so glad he was there. The bond that they had from the first second was and is incredible.

Unless there is a back story if he wants to be there it would be sad for him to miss it surely. My husband would have been devasted if I said he couldn't come.

Hm, as previous posters have said, it's your choice.

It's not a great start to either of your parenting journeys though, if you intend to parent together? (Of course if your relationship has issues and you're planning on splitting, that's a whole other conversation)

My DH and I did an amazing hypnobirthing course together, he learned loads. I encouraged/forced him to practice the techniques with me (there's a lot of things he can do when you're in early labour at home, like massages for example, that you DEFINITELY want to practice beforehand, to find out what you like/don't like.)

He was an incredible birth partner, and was able to advocate for me when the midwife made mistakes, and look after our newborn when i had to go for surgery after the birth.

It was a wonderful bonding experience, that definitely made our marriage stronger.

DH wasn't at DD2s birth due to Army deployment.

Honestly... it doesn't matter long term. We have this special photo of the first time he held his two week old baby (not posed, very blurry, just captured by chance) They have an amazing bond.

Short term... I did sort of need him in labour. However it was a straightforward birth (with midwives in attendance unlike our first... with our first he did the important job of finding help!)

Don't you want him with you at all or just the actual birth? If not at all will you have someone else with you? Labour can be long and you will spend a lot of time alone. I definitely needed someone with me. If not your child's father, is there someone else?.

Honestly, during my first birth I couldn't have cared if he was there or not, I was so in myself I didn't know where he was or what he was doing etc however, I had a traumatuc birth, and he watched the business end and had alot more appreciation for me and understanding because of this.
During my 2nd birth he held me up as I delivered, and I felt really loved and supported.
Pregnant with number 3 now and I'm hoping I feel more 'in the room' and can utilise him more.
Ultimately its up to you, it depends on your reason for him not being there etc, but it would be a shame for him to miss it x

I had dp there for our first, an elective cesarean for breech. That was brilliant, he loved the immediate bonding, and held ds while they stitched me up. For the second, I needed dp to stay home with ds (now 3 years) as we don't have any local family or anyone ds knows well enough to stay with for that long. It was important to me that dp stay with ds, as me and ds are very close (he still co sleeps with me) due to his poor health at the start. I didn't want to worry about ds during labour, that was my concern.

I opted for a vbac for baby 2 very late in the game (overdue) due to my poor cesarean recovery with my first - my second turned out to be precipitous labour with shoulder dystocia. I think it would have been traumatic for dp to witness anyway (and he is not a sensitive type), whereas I was fine with my morphine and g&a. The midwives (and eventually drs) were fantastic in taking care of me, holding my hand etc. They kept us overnight (during covid) as baby girl needed help to breathe for a few minutes, but i took her home the next day and dp (and ds) had no problems at all bonding. She is the apple of his eye.

Reflecting, I didn't need dp for my vbac, and he didn't need to be there for any bonding purposes. It might have helped me in the first few weeks for him to have experienced my trauma while I pondered on it often, but that's more about me than him. I would never have chosen to exclude him though if we had someone ds knew to look after him at 5am on a Sunday!