Birthing partner

[Zenz1]

My mum said she won’t be my birth partner if my husband is also there. I want them both there, I don’t know what to do

You really only need your dh. In fact even my dh annoyed me and I would of been happy on my own at times.

Why? To be honest, someone who is so unreasonable about what happens when you give birth is probably not going to be very helpful anyway.

You don’t need your mum, more than one person clutters the delivery room and I assume you don’t want to keep your baby’s dad away.

Disqualify your mum for making the outrageous demand that your husband misses the birth of his child.

Why doesn't she want your h there? Is there a back story?

Nobody dictates who and who does not get to be in your room except you. Quite frankly, unless there is one hell of a back story between your DH and your DM, your mother needs to grow the hell up.

On a related note my mother and husband don't especially like one another. But when I wanted them both there in my room with me for the birth of my first child, neither said one word about not wanting the other to be there. They put their differences aside for that day, and were there solely for me.

They don’t get along and always clash. But for me I wanted them both there, it hurts that my mum said this to me. I can’t pick one over the other. I rather go alone at this rate

Well, it's your h's baby, so he should probably be with you. Has he said he doesn't want to be there with your mum? If not, he's being more mature than she is...

My previous pregnancy my mum didn’t come because she said if my husbands there she doesn’t want to be there. He was very supportive and helpful but I needed my mum during that time.

No he’s not said anything like that, he just wants to do what’s best for me and the baby. He supports me

It would be awful for your husband to miss the birth of his child because your mum decided that's what SHE wants. This baby is just as much his as it is yours. He might be supportive, but I can promise you, you will break his heart by not letting him be there . Your husband sounds pretty amazing for being so supportive.

I agree and I didn’t really consider how he might feel about missing the birth.

Thanks for all the advice it’s made me think and helped me gather my thoughts

Making your DH miss the birth of his child because it’s what your DM wants would undoubtedly damage your relationship. Unless your DH is actually abusive, your mum doesn’t sound very supportive at all if she can’t put her feelings aside to support you during childbirth. And even if she said that she could, if they were both there, they would probably ‘clash’ while you were in labour which would be awful.

To be honest OP it sounds as if the support you needed from your mum last time isn’t support she would be capable of giving you anyway.