Who can look after ds if I go into hosp?

[dillinger]

Dawned on me the other day that I dont know who could look after our son if I have this baby in hospital. Im hoping for a home birth but obv may change my mind, or get transferred.

My parents live 3 hours drive away, and while I have explained the situation to my mum (and shes said shes more than happy to come up and look after ds) - obv she'd have to come up a good week or so before Im due, and she'd have my 9 year old sister with her. I love my sis to bits but not sure Id want her here when Im in labour (if I have baby at home) and theres no one else that could have her.

If I go into hosp then fair enough, but if I do decide in labour to try at home then obv theyd already be here whereas I think Id rather it was just dp, midwife and I and our son, plus itd be rude to send them home the next day or whatever but Id really want some peace then, not a housefull!

Dp spoke to his mum (1 and 1/2 hours drive away) and she'd said she'd come down but I REALLY dont want her here!! Ive asked my friend if she could have my son at short notice but she said as shes just started a new job she couldnt say.

If we cant have our son with us then dp would have to miss the birth and we obv dont want that.

Any advice would be great, Im prob missing the obvious lol

Hiya- you're in the same situation as us I think: Dh wants to be at the birth (baby due end March), family lovely but away and don't drive, and as our boys are ASD (well 2 out of the 3) a neighbour wouldn't cut it.

The solution we have come up with (after much consultation on here LOL) is that yes, I ahve booked a homebirth (in itself took a bit of fighting), but because they don't always come off, we ahve booked a doula as well (lovely JoFeb from MN).

So- if I need to go in or trnasfer, doula willa ccompany me whilst Dh akes 2 hour return trip home, therefore won't be alone and labouring which I hate the thought of. There's a good cahnce Dh would miss birtha s, well- 4th abby and all- but at least kids and I won't be left alone, iyswim. Seems best solution.

Try another friend?

Yes am in kind of similar situation

For various complex reasons, we don't have anyone who be relied upon to look after ds and dd (4 and 2, neither in school/childcare) locally.

My mum will come up at the first twinge. She lives 3 hours away, but realistically, that SHOULD be enough time. Dps parents will also be around for the 3 days before and 3 days after the due date, which should be enough really, and she will be up the weekend before and after (my family is utterly fabulous actually, aside from the fact that they insist on having jobs on the other side of the country )

The thing is, I don't massively care about labouring alone, for some reason. (I am the kind of person who LIKES going to the cinema alone). My big concern is that dp will miss the birth. But we also feel that we have made our choices in our parenting style and one consequence of this is that we want our older kids to be with family during the birth of their sibling, even if that means dp misses the birth.

I am booked for a hb but would prefer to go into the MLU, if childcare comes together. (they have a pool and toast and everything )

Don't yu have toast at home then Filly?

Must be a south wales thing LOL (DH nicked plug off my toaster)

no but this way someone ELSE makes me toast. dp is actually very good at making bread and so on, but just doesn't seem to be able to make the toast just right. He makes it much too cooked, and then either skimps on the butter or goes overboard . I have had perfect toast, made by someone else, TWICE in my life so far and I would like some more ...

(the hospital in question is UHW btw)

contact local nurseries or childminders , see i f they can provide emergency care..? any other friends?

Ive tried the one friend that I would trust to have my son. With regard to my mum coming up - if Im doing fine at home then I dont want anyone here that doesnt need to be, its only on the chance that I'll need to transfer and obv I wouldnt know until it happened and therefor my mum or whoever would have to be here already. I dont mind labouring alone either, when I was labouring at home with my son it was nice that I could just get on with it but have a midwife nearby. Just dont want dp to miss the birth. I dont mind if my son is present if I give birth at home, he can come and go as he pleases, or maybe sleep through the whole thing lol

Im going to have to give it some more thought. Just spoke to dp again and hes going to speak to a friend he works with (this guy and his wife are a lovely couple, she has years of experience of childcare and they have a young daughter and I wouldnt worry about them taking care of my son, hes met them and likes them) so hopefully they could have him for a couple of hours or so, and it means we could come home and all get some rest!

Fingers crossed or I dont know what else to try! Thanks for your help.

I will speak to ds' nursery and see what they can suggest! Thankyou

I made the decision to have a home birth with no chid care. (DS's were 2 &6)In the event that I needed transfereing to hostpital, DH would have missed the birth, but this was preferable to having anyone come to stay, IMO.

YOu have to weigh up the pros and cons of both.

Luckily every was fine.

Good luck!

dillinger-what happened at the previous birth? Was it a hb w/o transferal?

I have been transfered twice, and for bascially the same reasons, so that is partly why I am preparing the ground for a transfer.

But especially if you've already had a hb, or at least had a hospital birth w/o any contraindications to a hb, then you are on much stronger ground than me and I would relax!

I laboured at home for about a day and a half and got to 7 cms but had to be transferred for things then not really moving along. DS was back to back and stuck and I ended up with a keilands delivery.

Ive spoken to my consultant etc and theyre all happy for me to try for a home birth again, I didnt think there was any reason to suggest this would happen again but maybe Im wrong? IS there more chance?

Do you know any childminders? We had no relatives near where we live and most of our friends work, so our childminder kindly made arrangements in advance to take her, including an overnight stay (has to contact their national body for agreement). It worked great - DD knew childminder really well as she'd been going their part time for a few months and got on with her own kids, we did a trial run to iron out any problems and I was confident that I had a watertight solution no matter when I went into labour.

Parents of DS's friends at nursery? The mother of one of DS's nursery classmates has offered to have him as my backup plan when I go into hospital if Plan A (my mother driving up) doesn't work out.

I don't know much about this, but I'd have thought that your most likely "bad" scenario then is that things take a long time, and you are transfered for faliure to progress?

Am thinking then that you COULD get someone there, if need be.

Two other things

1. How far is your mother from the hospital? Could she meet you and dp at the hospital and look after ds there/take him home? My mum is geared up to do that (I am so glad she IS so fabulous-she will be able to make a hospital at 2am seem like the most wonderful place in the world for 2 little kids-while also keeping out of the way. I do love her and must buy her flowers)

1. Am not clear how old your son is, but if he is quite small, I'd personally say it might not be a bad idea to have someone there to make sure his needs are being met. I have visions of dp spending the ENTIRE birth getting dd drinks of milk otherwise .

I'm in a similar situation. A couple of neighbours have offered to have ds for a hour until dh can get back from work. I couldn't ask them to have him at night though.

SIL (30-45 mins away) will have ds happily, and we can take him there if the baby is induced and we have some control over the timing. She would have come to us or the hospital to take him away, but has no car at the moment.

Parents are too far away, and are the last people I'd want around. MIL is the other side of the world at the moment, and 3 hours away when back.

I'm resigned to the fact that dh will probably miss the birth and have to look after ds.

I'm too high risk for a home birth.

Dp has spoken to his friend whos said that they would be more than happy to look after ds, even if its 3am Plus they would pick him up so would save us a bit of time.

If I manage to give birth at home then I'll be so busy concentrating on that that dp can make sure ds is being properly looked after, to be honest last time I didnt like any fussing so if hes doing all that Im sure I wont mind lol

Fingers crossed! Im hoping this time will be a 'omg my waters have broken - run to the bathroom - give birth on floor' type scenario Its gotta be 'easier' than last time, surely lol

Doula doula doula! She will go with you OR stay with DS, whichever you prefer.

Yes, it costs money, but for peace of mind....

Im sure Id have better peace of mind having my son with a friend if Im in hospital rather than a stranger!

Thanks everyone

i think that you may be surprised at how your neighbours would help you if you asked, twice in the last year or so ive had children from people who live nearby and i only vaguely know whist mum was labouring at home and another when a dad had a accident at work i even had a big dog here once when it was very windy and their fence blew down and he escaped ......good luck xx