I gave birth to my first child in May. I was induced at 38 weeks due to gestational diabetes. I was induced at 3pm on a Wednesday after having a sweep the previous day, they inserted the first gel and left me to be monitored. Nothing happened. I had an allergic reaction to dental anasethic as a child, this was discussed at my 8 week appointment with midwife however wasn’t handed over. Therefore doctors would have to put me to sleep if I needed a c section or an epsiotomy. They were totally unprepared for what to do despite having 9 months to prepare, this delayed my induction process and they refused to help me dilate further. They spoke to my dentist the next day and confirmed it was in fact just a one of reaction, I’d had the same drug since. So the next day they give me 2 more gels and nothing really happened. I’d had several cervical examinations within a short period of time now and I could hardly walk due to being so sore down below. That night when my partner was asleep I began experiencing stomach pains and contractions which lasted all night. I dealt with them alone as he slept. The next day at 3pm they finally broke my waters once I was finally dilated enough. I was given antibiotics through an IV for an infection I had at start of pregnancy, they burst my vein. I was then put on the hormone drip. My contractions grew strong immediately and I dilated straight to 6cm. I didn’t cry, scream or moan in pain at all throughout the labour. However when I was asking for my partner during contractions he sat on his phone. By this point he asked if I was okay to which I responded “no I need more pain relief,” the midwife was supposed to be on way ages ago with pethidine. He did buzz for the nurses to give me an epidural, they eventually come. when they arrived I was practically unconscious with contractions and was in too much pain to speak or move. He had to hold me up to receive epidural. Shortly after I dilated to 10cm. He held my hand as I pushed . They give me an epsiotomy as babies heart rate was dropping (it had been the whole induction process which they did nothing about). They said I would of been too tired to push soon and give up, I hadn’t slept for 2 whole days and hardly ate. It took them almost 2 hours to stitch me up, I lost a lot of blood, I showered straight after they stitched me up and my partner was sent home due to covid. I was then wheeled to post natal ward and still got no sleep for the next 2 days I was in hospital. Turns out I had a huge hematoma on the stitch line which almost resulted in me having surgery, luckily I was just given antibiotics. Very painful recovery.
I can’t help but feel resentment and hurt that my partner didn’t help me through contractions much. It makes me feel so upset when I see videos of other peoples partners holding them, holding their hand, kissing them cuddling. It also really upsets me that he didn’t witness my child being born down below, I feel like it ruined the “magic” of experiencing childbirth for the first time for me. He didn’t even tell me he was proud of me or give me a kiss after I give birth. He only showed me any kind of affection after I’d been stitched up.
i understand some people can be squeamish and it may have been a traumatic, overwhelming experience for him aswell but I can’t help but feel resentment for him not helping me through contractions more and the fact he didn’t watch the birth. It makes me feel like he would of had more respect for me if he’d seen my son come out of me. Has anyone else had these kind of feelings??? I’ve tried talking to partner about it but I feel he doesn’t understand, I mean how could he when he hasn’t felt the pain.
Has any other mother experienced birth trauma or resentment towards partner for these things???