Bonding after c section

7 replies

SnowBall86 · 14/07/2022 10:27

Hi all, just wanted to see if anyone experienced the same… I wonder if it’s because of c section but I feel like my bond with my second child is not the same as it was with my first. With my first I felt such an overwhelming love and protectiveness… with my second I feel like I love her but not quite the same. Most of days I spend thinking how much I miss spending time with my older son and how on the one hand I want my daughter to be older (I’m not a fan of newborn babies, give me a one year old anytime) and on the other hand soak up every moment of my son’s age now. I also hate myself when I’m sleep deprived and snappy. Feel so guilty and sorry for the newborn too as she deserves better…

OP posts:

DogsAndGin · 14/07/2022 20:56

Do you think it could be because DD is your second baby? Maybe the overwhelming new feeling of having a first baby and becoming a mother for the first time can’t be expected the second time. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hugasauras · 14/07/2022 21:01

I think this is just a second baby/mum guilt thing rather than anything to do with a C section. I am 4 weeks PP after my second section and this time does feel a bit different - I have to consciously make an effort/time to connect with DD2 in a way I didn't with DD1 just because there seems so much other stuff going on. I have to remind myself to just sit and cuddle her in between all the rushing about and other stuff that comes with two young kids.

It'll come, OP. It's a big adjustment

Original poster

SnowBall86 · 15/07/2022 07:44

DogsAndGin · 14/07/2022 20:56

True… maybe it’s just that and I’m trying to find explanation for things that aren’t there..

OP posts:

Original poster

SnowBall86 · 15/07/2022 08:42

Hugasauras · 14/07/2022 21:01

It'll come, OP. It's a big adjustment

it is very busy… I too find that I have to make conscious effort to sit down and cuddle and look at her.

OP posts:

Dyra · 15/07/2022 09:29

I had it the opposite way around. My first baby (vaginal delivery) I didn't bond with her for about a week. Second baby (C-section) I had that rush of love the first time I got to hold him in the bed as we were leaving theatre.

Hormones are strange, powerful, tricksy things. I agree with Hugasaurus. It is a huge adjustment no matter what number child they are. I'm sure the bonding will come in its own time. Maybe not all at once, but gradually this time. Could it help if someone took DC1 off your hands and out of the house for a bit (few hours? the whole day? a sleepover?) to give you some pure DC2 time?

Pixiedust1234 · 15/07/2022 10:08

Reading all the posts it does actually sound more because your life is busier rather than anything to do with c section. Its harder to bond if you don't get the quiet time to do the bonding. So your question should now be "how do I make enough time for just me and the baby with (few) distractions?"

For the record both of mine were c sections and I had the same reactions as you. First one was definitely pfb syndrome, second was less bonded at first bc household was more hectic with a still young child, but if you consciously make time to bond it will happen eventually.

Veetavix · 15/07/2022 10:19

Don’t forget that you can still enjoy your first child, too! There is nothing wrong with that, either. I actually employed a doula so that I could spend dedicated time alone with ds1.

and it is really magical when you see the siblings playing together and forming their own bond, and also when you see what different personalities they have.

I recognise what you say, and also had a c-section for the second. The rushes of love and joy have been different and come at different times, sometimes taking me by surprise. Often, it is the moments as a three (with me, ds and dd) - or watching dh’s bond growing—he is so much more confident with the second, and she just adores him—that have been most special.

Flip